


Undeniable Chemistry

by peptobismolbird, standoutinacrowd



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Bitching, Celebrity Fake Dating AU, Co-Stars - Freeform, F/F, Fake Dating, Fluff, POV Second Person Carmilla, POV Second Person Laura, POV Third Person, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 74,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7797832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peptobismolbird/pseuds/peptobismolbird, https://archiveofourown.org/users/standoutinacrowd/pseuds/standoutinacrowd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your co-star is the biggest flirt and you have to pretend you're dating that douche bag.<br/>And the recipe for the catastrophe is perfect, when you fall in love with said douche bag.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Masterstroke

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, because some people have voiced their inability to follow through sometimes, I have this 'guide':
> 
> Every time we read in **Laura's/Carm's second person POV** , it's happening now.  
> Then there are flashbacks that are in **third person** , and they are with month/year header anyway.  
> Tweets and all that ish are marked mostly with a date too. And then those interviews and articles are marked too.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these lovely characters or the show or anything else, nor do I intend to steal them.  
> Do people write disclaimers like that? Is that how you do? Do I not get sued now? Would I get sued if I didn't have one?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Creampuff, he’s saying we should pretend to be a couple for the views.”

It’s a hot day in LA. You’re lucky you don’t live here, because you hate the air. And the cars. You hate traffic in general. And sometimes the people too. Your PR manager J.P. has called you and your co-star Carmilla Karnstein in, to meet him at his LA office, because he needs to talk to you.  
  
You don’t really know what all this fuss is about, but you can guess that it has to do with some sort of promotion for the second season of the series _‘Afterlife’_ that you’ve been shooting with Carmilla in Vancouver in the past few weeks. You always just nod your head and do what is wanted from you, when it comes to J.P. Armitage. He knows what’s best, he also worked for your parents.  
  
Currently though your twitter is blowing up with a picture some paparazzi took of you and Carmilla having lunch in Venice two hours ago. The fans are crazy sometimes, you know that much. There are already various blogs on tumblr speculating about your personal relationship with Carmilla, and now they all are thinking that they got the next piece of ‘confirmation’ of your (non-existent) relationship.  
  
You laughed, when your director showed you a page dedicated to _‘Hollstein’_. That’s what your ship name is. (You are a little proud of the fact that your name is the first one, but only a little.) You and Carmilla have stalked some of those pages, and your conclusion was that she looks much better on gifs of you both kissing. It’s her sharp jawline. And also maybe the fact that she is gorgeous, but she already knows that. She made you feel better though, when she said that you were the one looking better in interviews on red carpets (something about the lights making her look like a ghost).  
  
Carmilla is much better off, when it comes to dealing with the fans. She only recently made herself a twitter account, because you pushed her. She isn’t as much in touch with technology (yet), but you guess it’s because she didn’t grow up in an all-actors family.  
  
The spotlight’s been on you ever since you were born. Your father Benjamin Hollis is an multiple awards winning actor, so the pressure has always been on you. He met your mother on set of _‘In Fear Of Breaking You’_ , so both of your parents are absolute hotshots in this business. They are not married anymore, and of course _that_ also has made your childhood into a living hell sometimes.  
  
  
“Do you have any idea, what this might be about?”, Carmilla asks you from her position beside you. You shake your head.  
  
Conveniently enough the uber stops just in that moment and you get out, thanking the driver. Carmilla places her left hand on your waist and guides you into the tall building and to the elevator (you manage to do so without being recongnized). She knows her way around now, because you’ve been to J.P.’s office often with her.  
  
After you get in, she presses the button for the 48th floor and lets go of you to check herself in the mirror. You can only roll your eyes, because she is being ridiculous, as always. She arches an eyebrow at her own reflection and then combs through her wavy hair with her bare fingers.  
  
“Had a rough night out again? Were many girls involved this time?”, you tease her, because yeah. It’s no secret that she likes to go out from time to time, especially when in LA. The last time you two were here a couple of months ago, she managed to come an hour too late to an interview, because a girl she had spent the night with wouldn’t let her go.  
  
You see a smirk forming on her lips, and then she meets your eyes through the mirror, before turning around, “I’m faithful to you, Laura.”  
  
She comes unnecessarily closer to you and you can only look unimpressed and roll your eyes at her, although you have to admit that her comments never fail to amuse you.  
  
“Ever the charmer.”, you say with a shake of your head, because what else can you add to that statement?  
  
“Oh, unfortunately my charms don’t work on you, cutie.”  
  
“As if you ever mean anything you say to me, Carmilla.”  
  
You don’t wait for her response, as the doors of the elevator slide open and you aim for J.P.’s office. Carmilla is hot on your trails, following you through a clutter of people, who mostly are so into their work that they don’t notice you and the few that do, shoot you a knowing smile.  
  
Yes, even _they_ think you are dating Carmilla. You just don’t understand it.  
  
Your co-star opens the door for you and there is the slightest of touch on the small of your back, as you enter J.P.’s office. She does that often. Also when you’re shooting a scene, where no touching is involved, she will always find a way to touch you. It’s simply Carmilla.  
  
  
“Good! Ladies, you’re here!”, the man in his fifties calls out for you two and motions over to his desk. You notice Carmilla’s PR agent Matska Belmonde already standing in the office. That’s odd. Usually she never leaves New York. You have seen her once at the series premiere a year ago, but that was it.  
  
“What’s going on? Why’s Mattie here?”, Carmilla asks the question that has been burning in your mouth.  
  
“We need to talk about _Hollstein_.”, the woman stares you both down and you don’t know where to look with her gaze so intense.  
  
Carmilla begins to chuckle slightly beside you, “Oh yeah, have you seen today’s headline? _Carmilla Karnstein and Laura Hollis seen in romantic atmosphere at Venice beach_ … It’s all over our twitters, I swear.”  
  
“Just because you had to play it up again.”, you whisper under your breath.  
  
Mattie and J.P. are sharing a look, before they both sit down opposite to you.  
  
  
“You two have quite the fanbase. People all over the country, and lately also all around the world follow your hashtag. People watch your show, just because they hope you two kiss in that particular episode or share any kind of romantic moment. There is undeniable chemistry between you two.”  
  
“We are aware.”, your co-star drawls. She yawns shortly afterwards. Sometimes she is infuriating. Your eyes will get stuck one of those days, because you roll them so often, when you’re around her.  
  
“People won’t let us escape the questions anymore. They all wanna know what the deal is.”, J.P. looks nervously from you to Carmilla.  
  
“Well, why don’t you just tell them? We are not dating. Period. Our chemistry on-screen might be bomb, but personally there is nothing between us.”  
  
_Duh._ Why do _you_ have to tell them that? And why isn’t Carmilla saying something?  
  
“That’s the thing.”, Mattie starts and you don’t like the hesitant tone, “Carmilla and you are both fairly young. You two have stellar careers ahead of you, if you play along with the press for now.”  
  
J.P. undertakes for her, “Yes, and if you keep the fans happy -just for a bit- then there is a chance that the show will last longer and that you draw more attention to it. Real life couples get a lot more views, because humans have voyeuristic qualities. And with a chemistry like yours, it would be a shame not to use it for our good. Matska and I both came to the conclusion that it would be a masterstroke.”  
  
“Wait, wait, wait. What are you saying? What real life couple? Am _I_ having a stroke?”  
  
You hear Carmilla groan from beside you, “Creampuff, he’s saying we should pretend to be a couple for the views.”  
  
  
_Oh._


	2. The Thin Line Between Life and Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t handle any more rejection from you.”

_**April, 2015:** Silas Glam Magazine’s Interview with Carmilla Karnstein (Alice Woodsbury in **Afterlife** )_  
  
**Interviewer:** This is your first lead role in a television drama series, am I correct?  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** Yes, that’s right.  
  
**Interviewer:** How does it feel to be fresh out of theater school and already getting cast for such a big project alongside no other than _Benjamin Hollis’_ daughter?  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** ( _chuckles_ ) It’s a dream come true. And I think you meant to say _Laura Hollis (Sarah Adams in **Afterlife** )_. A woman should not be defined by whose daughter or whose wife she is.  
  
**Interviewer:** True words here. Now tell me, Carmilla, how is it working with Laura? How is it to play the love interest of someone, who has been in the business for the past couple of years, as a fairly new actress, just like yourself?  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** Working with Laura is such a delight. She and I have a lot of fun on set. You would think that someone who’s been in this business pretty much all her life would be conceited, but she’s not at all. She’s a pure ball of sunshine and I love working with her. She never made me feel uncomfortable around her. We are good friends.  
  
**Interviewer:** Now I want to work with her too.  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** ( _laughs_ ) I call dibs.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
“We **can’t** do that! This is lying! I can’t lie! My dad taught me better!”  
  
Carmilla shrugs nonchalantly, “Do it like your mother then.”  
  
You can’t believe what she just said to you, and she can’t either apparently, because you see the apology forming on her lips already.  
  
Backstory to that one: Your mother has cheated on your father a couple of times with various men from the film industry and currently you’re counting the fifth year in which you haven’t spoken to her. Though you had other reasons for that too.  
  
“I’m sorry that was tactless and-”  
  
“No need to talk about _that_. Let’s focus on the thing that involves _our_ life here…”, you draw her attention back on the whole _fake dating-kinda not fake dating_ thing.  
  
She looks at you with a shrug, “Mattie’s not gonna back down from this and neither is your agent. I’m supposing we have to cave in and do this. At least until the second season’s out.”  
  
“You want me to pretend liking _you_ -my co-star- for half a year??”  
  
This has to be a huge freaking nightmare!  
  
Carmilla’s face falls for a second, and you know exactly why.  
  
“With _liking_ I meant romantically. Of course I **like** you.”, you make it clear.  
  
She pouts, “I can’t handle any more rejection from you.”  
  
Over-dramatic. As always.  
  
  
  
“Seriously though, are you okay with this? I actually always respected you for being real. You never care for what other people think... Why aren’t you more pissed about this?”  
  
She sighs, “Sweetheart, _I_ am certainly **not** enjoying this, but this is business. Why do _I_ have to convince _you_? You’re the pro here. It’s not like we are faking a whole relationship here. Is it really that bad to be a little more flirtatious with me? Am I that horrible?”  
  
“No, but you are my co-star and it is kinda awkward.”, you try to reason.  
  
“You also dated that tall giantess, didn’t you? And _she_ was your _co-star_ too.”  
  
She knows about your ex-girlfriend, you once told her over dinner, back when you two were still fairly new to each other.  
  
It satisfies you now that she remembers details about your love life. Which- Weird. Though you suppose it was all over the media...  
  
“There is a key difference Carmilla: Danny and I _really_ loved each other. This... _You_ and _me_ is a lie!”  
  
Her expression remains bored as ever, but you swear there was a fraction of a second where she let on some emotions.  
  
Which one, is the question. A question you don’t ask.  
  
“You’re an actress for fuck’s sake. Just do it. It’s not like they want us to make out with each other in front of the whole world. They just want us to not deny that we are together.”  
  
  
It is harsher than she usually speaks with you, but you guess she is just tired.  
  
Plus, she actually is kind of right. Sometimes you just have to buckle down and do it.  
  
And it wasn’t really that much to ask for. You think. You totally have to contemplate on it.

 

* * *

  
  
_**October, 2015:** Star Magazine interview with Laura Hollis and Carmilla Karnstein on the premiere of ‘Afterlife’_  
  
**Interviewer:** I heard that we can expect a cute love story, is that true?  
**Laura Hollis:** The focus definitely lies on the main issue -which is a modern portrayal of racism like we had to deal with in history. You know, with the vampires and the humans and all that. My character Sarah has to go through a lot of personal stuff, and how she, herself deals with the issue, before she can dive into a romantic relationship. However of course, there still is that thing going on between Sarah and Alice. But before I spoiler too much, I would like you ( _Carmilla Karnstein_ ) to speak.  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** Yeah, I think my character Alice has to deal with a lot too. We weren’t even aware of anything romantic between us, until -well, until _you will see_ \- because we were so focused on the story line.  
**Laura Hollis:** Did you not know what role you were auditioning for? ( _jokes_ )  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** ( _gasps_ ) I was just happy that I got to audition for the same project as the famous Laura Hollis!  
**Laura Hollis:** Stop it with the cajolement.  
  
**Interviewer:** Now, can I say that you two look lovely tonight? What an awesome pair you are! So adorable already! And I heard that you two have a lot of fun on set?  
**Laura Hollis:** Awww, yeah we do. We are really good friends. My personal relationship with Carmilla makes it easy for me to wanting to work with her. She is such a sweetheart.  
**Carmilla Karnstein:**  Oh Laura, are you flirting with me in front of the camera? _Again?_ (laughs) Well, work is fun and about the _being sweet_ part... It’s easy with a co-star like that.  
**Interviewer:** You two are too precious! Thanks for the interview.  
**Laura Hollis:** Thank _you_.  
**Carmilla Karnstein:** Anytime.

 

* * *

  
  
@hollyinsider.net: Hollywood’s cutest teen couple Dannielle Lawrence and Laura Hollis (both starred in the @KidsTV show @aquarella) split on Hollis’ eighteenth birthday!  
  
**_August 21, 2012_**

 

* * *

  
  
_**December, 2014:** Chemistry read for ‘Afterlife’_  
  
  
Carmilla Karnstein sat down on the only chair that was in the room, when she was called in.  
  
Laura Hollis came in shortly after and stood there for a second, eyeing the scene that had unfolded in front of her.  
  
  
“Isn’t your character supposed to woo mine? Where are your manners? Aren’t you supposed to offer _me_ the seat?”, the blonde chuckled.  
  
“That’s true, buttercup, but I already thought about that…”, the brunette drawled, “You can come sit on my lap for this scene.”  
  
“Oh my god... You are unbelievable.”

“Taking the words out of my mouth, cutie.”, the brunette actress said in a sultry tone to the other, while eying her counterpart meticulously.  
  
  
Lola Perry, the writer of _‘Afterlife’_ started clapping silently and whispered to the producer LaFontaine, “I think we just found our two leads.”

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
The first time you have to do a public appearance after weeks of shooting on Canadian land is at a music awards show back in LA. You both were invited as (allegedly) Hollywood’s next hottest same-sex couple.  
  
Who are Portia and Ellen again?  
  
(You love Ellen DeGeneres though.)  
  
Both of your PR agents haven’t confirmed anything to the public and they only asked you two to not talk about your relationship.  
  
And yeah, really, it wasn’t lying. You can live with it for now. They convinced you. Carmilla’s arguments were the most outshining ones.  
  
It’s like the way it’s been in the last few months anyways. Just the amount of fangirls rooting for you to date Carmilla has grown and now the topic has drawn more attention ever since your first on-screen kiss. That’s also why your agents made you two aware of the fact that you shouldn’t just stop interacting with each other publicly, because you don’t like the shippers.  
  
_People just need something for their eyes and soul, so let them have it. Let them live in their world._ That’s what J.P. said to you.  
  
And two hot actors pretending to _like each other very much_ , isn’t _that_ bad.  
  
It’s not like you have to pretend. Carmilla is nice enough -or like super cool, and beautiful- and it’s easy to flirt with her from time to time.  
  
Harmlessly.  
  
  
You are playing along, because it’s the wise thing to do. _Keeping the ship alive_. Or something.  
  
  
  
_‘We would like to keep whatever life we have private.’_  
  
_‘No comment on that.’_  
  
_‘We are here to enjoy the music and honor artists, not talk about our private life.’_  
  
You have been rehearsing those lines in your limousine on the way to the venue of the award show.  
  
Carmilla is sitting pretty close to you and you don’t fail to notice that she is chewing gum, because her fresh breath is distracting you. You are super weird, because your brain does this thing, where it automatically links you to all those times you had to do a kissing scene with her. Carmilla is a considerate co-star and only kisses you with fresh breath, which is a nice attribute you guess.  
  
See? Nice enough. Or like totally adorable, because she is self-conscious in everything.  
  
  
  
The moment you get out of the car with _no one other than Carmilla Karnstein_ , the flashlights are on you. Everyone is wanting a good picture of you two. She places her arm on your shoulder casually and leans into you slightly, looking at you. You only care for the flashlights. You were born into this, you have perfected the angle, in which you have to stand to look good on pictures.  
  
  
“Don’t be so stiff, be _you_.”, she whispers into your ear and you glare at her.  
  
You can’t hold that glare for too long though, because she is smiling her brilliant smile -the one that lets fangirls melt away- and elicits a little smirk from you.  
  
“I’ve been doing this for a much longer time than you, Carmilla.”, you say through gritted teeth (smiling and talking doesn’t work so well).  
  
“Hmn, but I’m a natural when it comes to playing out the hearts of the fans. My secret is: I can _act liking_ you _on_ **and** _off-screen_.”  
  
Pah! You can’t have her win this!  
  
You drag your nails over the low cutout back of her dress, and rest your right hand on her waist, pulling her in closer and leaning your head on her chest (it’s annoying that you’re so short, but it comes in handy now).  
  
Another perk: You hear her heartbeat loudly and- and it’s telling you a story right now. _Too fast._ You glance up at her and throw her a questioning look, but her face remains stoic and she smirks into the cameras like she knows a secret.  
  
  
  
“The second season of _Afterlife_ is coming out this fall, right?”, some celeb magazine reporter asks you a few meters into the red carpet.  
  
“Yes, we’re currently shooting.”, Carmilla is always such a charmer with interviewers.  
  
She is all smiles, although you know her for a while now and internally she most probably is bored and fed up.  
  
“Can I say that you two look absolutely gorgeous? And you are matching too!”  
  
You look at her dress and he is right. The blue tone of her dress goes with your heels and the little clutch bag in your left hand. Usually you two do coordinate, but this time it was a full accident, because this was so last minute.  
  
“What a coincidence!”, you bring out and smile at the camera.  
  
“Is it though?”, that guy looks at you skeptically and yes, now is the time you want to punch him in the face.  
  
“What can I say? We’re a dream team.”, Carmilla shrugs and drags you away by your hand, probably sensing your irritation.  
  
  
You are not there yet with the whole shipping thing and Carmilla understands that.  
  
Although she sometimes seems like she doesn’t care, you know that she thinks about a lot of things.  
  
So for tonight you are grateful that she is being considerate in that matter. She does care for what her co-star is feeling.  
  
  
There were a few other interviews like that and you let Carmilla answer most of the questions, because you gotta admit, she does it well. (And with such ease.) It’s like she was born to be a star. It’s ironic really, because you are the one with movie stars as parents. You should be the one to know how to fare with those idiots by now, but all you get is frustrated, whereas Carmilla always has witty retorts. And the assumptions don’t seem to bother her all that much.  
  
Slowly you’re starting to think that maybe it wasn’t so bad coming to the award show with Carmilla as your ‘date’. You always had a healthy and friendly (even though sometimes annoying) working relationship with her and maybe you can tend to that and still do your main job: acting alongside her. It’s what you get paid for after all.

 

* * *

  
  
@corvaemag Hollstein seen on @MGTVAWARDS show yesterday! TOGETHER! (Br)OTP? Tell us, what you think!

**_April 23, 2016_ **

 

* * *

   
  
_**March, 2015:** Rehearsal in Laura’s apartment_  
  
  
“We have been reading lines for about four hours now. Can we please take a break?”, Carmilla groaned and laid down on Laura’s -dirty- hardwood floor, “I know my lines, don’t I?”  
  
“It’s not about the lines, Carmilla. I was more hoping that you and I could work on building up our chemistry for Sarah and Alice from what is in the scripts. Have you read the directions?”  
  
“You and I both already do have a chemistry. Why do you think I got cast with you?”  
  
“Because you look _ridiculously good_. Of course you got the role.”  
  
Carmilla shot up and quirked up an eyebrow at her counterpart, “I’m sorry? _What_ did you just say?”  
  
“I said, you looked fitting for the role.”  
  
“No, no, no. You just said _I look ridiculously good_.”  
  
Laura rolled her eyes, “Well duh, have you read the character breakdown for Alice? I remember it saying _‘dark, mysterious beauty’_.”  
  
The brunette scooted closer to where the blonde was resting against the back of her couch -also on the floor, “I should have recorded this, like you wanted to initially. Then I would have video proof of you saying something nice about me.”  
  
Laura sighed, “Can we please go back to reading again?”

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
It doesn’t afflict you that Carmilla is a popular girl and gets weird comments on her instagram pictures. It really doesn’t. But _‘I want you to choke me and throw me into the meat grinder and eat me as a topping on your pizza.’_ is a little too much.  
  
You ask her about it in-between takes. She laughs. Of course she does.  
  
  
“It doesn’t bother me, because I mostly don’t read those comments, but why would it bother _you_? Jealous?”  
  
Of course she would make it about _that_.  
  
“No! I’m certainly **not** jealous of those fangirls! I’m just mildly worried about you, that’s all.”  
  
“Laura, you do get the same comments. Do you know that? Have you read what some people wrote under your pictures, when you were only a teen?”  
  
  
You leave it at that. Although... Why would she know about that?  
  
  
  
“Come on, people! We have fifty more minutes of natural light, we have to get it started! I want to wrap up the daylight shots of this episode today!”, Kirsch, your director shouts at you two and you both get into character again.  
  
  
  
It is a scene where you enter the room with Carmilla and have to make out with her on a bed. It’s the first time your characters are alone and undisturbed and it also means that those chaste kisses on the cheeks or lips -like you are used to- won’t suffice anymore. Needless to say it also is the sex episode, but you won’t be able to film that part today anymore. Actually it isn’t scheduled in the next three weeks -not that you have looked it up or anything. You guess it will be one of the last scenes you will have to shoot with her, because the creators don’t want you two to be awkward afterwards.  
  
  
“Season 2, episode 13, scene 16, take one. Action!”  
  
  
Carmilla spits out her gum in the trash can just outside the room you have to enter and drags you in by your hand, _cue: giggle_.  
  
  
“Alice… Where are you taking me?”  
  
“I just wanted a little bit of privacy… For _this_ …”, she leans in and gets really close to you, _cue: duck away._  
  
You turn to the camera and sit on the edge of the bed, careful to stay within the marks on the floor, so you’ll still be in frame of the camera that is getting the first wide-angle shot of the scene from that position.  
  
“I’ve been thinking about this place.”, you hear yourself say. You just altered the lines. _Damnit_. You hope you can fix it in the next takes that are gonna focus on your faces.  
  
“What have you been thinking?”, she sits beside you, if she is careful to stay in frame, she doesn’t let it on, because she lifts up a leg and sits on it, facing you. That’s something you admire about her. Though she has had the least of experience with working with cameras, from all the cast members, she is a natural with it. You envy her for that a little, but that’s what makes your team so great. Everyone’s little talents.  
  
  
“It’s not good for us. We’ve been… **I’ve** been so caught up with everything.”  
  
“Hey, just look at me for a second.”, she asks of you.  
  
You do. You lift your head and match her gaze through your lashes. She gulps. You watch that movement against her throat.  
  
She’s such a good actress sometimes. Her hands hesitantly find your face and cradle your head gently.  
  
“It’s okay. We’re save now. Nothing can harm us.”, she speaks and you believe her. Even though this isn’t real.  
  
You close your eyes and lean into the touch.  
  
_Cue: Carmilla kissing you._  
  
She does. At first her lips brush yours gently, and then she captures yours with more vigor and the next thing you know is how one of her hands drops to your neck and pulls you in closer to her and how her breathing picks up speed (hello, this is exercise that you two are doing, with having to keep in mind that you two have to kiss in a certain angle so that it looks good on the camera).  
  
Your hand grips on her jacket and from there on it’s a push and pull, until you feel her tongue against your lips. It’s an instinct that you lean back, because _that_ was not supposed to happen.  _That_  was not in the script. _That_ was nowhere. That was all _her_. When you open your eyes, you know that Carmilla knows what she has done and for a fraction of a second her eyes go wide (luckily her facial expressions are not really visible for the camera in that moment), but you cover that up anyway, by smiling into the kiss, and pulling her in again.  
  
She is supposed to say something, but you think that she blanked out, because you have been looking at her for some seconds now, patiently waiting. And then finally she remembers. It stays within the time, where it doesn’t really seem odd, so the director lets you finish the scene.  
  
“Can I take this off?”, she grips at your blazer and you nod quickly and impatiently. She does take off that piece of clothing with trembling hands and throws it off the bed. You take her shaking hands into yours, and steady her with a squeeze. That’s a thing that isn’t in the script either, but you do it anyway, because it feels natural.  
  
After that you scoot back on the bed and she follows you. There is a second camera filming that part of the scene.

Carmilla lies on top of you and drives her hand through your hair, she twirls some strands in-between her slender fingers and then smiles -what you would describe as lovingly- at ~~you~~ _Sarah_ , and moves back down, kissing you.  
  
And for a moment you can lose yourself in the scene. For a moment it all feels real.  
  
  
“ **Cut!** ”


	3. Troublesome Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, at first I thought you’d be an conceited asshole.”

_Present Day:  
  
  
_ You have successfully just wrapped your last scene of the day with Carmilla (meaning you got to make out with her over and over and over again) and your director is currently showing you some of the footage and telling you both, how he wants to carry out the scene later on.  
  
You haven’t mentioned the little incident on your fist take to Carmilla, because you figure accidents happen. Maybe she just got caught up in the scene too much. That also happens to you sometimes. It’s natural, and you would only make things awkward between you two, if you were to ask her.  
  
  
Talking about awkward: Kirsch is a little awkward in explaining the details of how he wants the scene to unfold and you hear your co-star groan impatiently beside you.  
  
“I know, how sex works. Thank you very much.”  
  
“ **I** wanna know.”, you blurt out and her head snaps down to meet your gaze.  
  
Damnit, what the hell are you saying?  
  
“I mean- I wanna know, _what_ he has in mind. Not the other- I know, how _that_ works.”  
  
Carmilla tilts her head upwards and clearly you are expecting her to laugh, but instead of the erupting laughter, what follows is a small smile.  
  
That’s new.  
  
“What? No comment about that? No _‘Cutie, I could be of service to you’_ or _‘I can teach you, sweetheart’_?”, you mock her in your best Carmilla imitation.  
  
Her left eyebrow lifts up for a second and then she frowns at you.  
  
“Is that how you see me? That I make fun of you, every chance I get?”  
  
Kirsch is long forgotten by now.  
  
You turn to her fully and shake your head in surprise, “Carmilla, you always tease me and make fun of me. It’s how we work, right?”  
  
She sighs, “Right.”  
  
  
Just now you realize that her eyes are weary and glazed over.  
  
And sometimes you forget that she is human too. She gets tired too. She worked a lot today.  
  
She can’t always be all smiles and joking with you, so you link your arm with hers and look at her. Sincere smile on your face.  
  
  
“Wanna go get some rest?”, you ask her.  
  
Apparently Kirsch doesn’t approve, “Dudes! I’m not done yet!”  
  
“It’s okay. Carmilla can actually go. We don’t need both of us here, do we? I’ll be here to go that over with you and later on I’ll just catch up with her on the specifics?”  
  
Your director nods in agreement -though hesitantly- and you turn your head towards Carmilla’s trailer, then regard her with eye-contact, “Go on, I just bargained a free evening for you.”  
  
And for the slightest of moments she doesn’t seem happy about it. She doesn’t seem grateful.  
  
But that’s just your imagination.  
  
  
“Thank you, you’re a doll.”, she leans in, to kiss both of your cheeks and quirks up her eyebrows once towards Kirsch as a good bye.  
  
You take great pride in the fact that she only feels comfortable enough around you to share physical contact with you.  
  
But figures, you two do play a couple on TV.  
  
Of course you both have established a special kind of bond over that.

 

* * *

  
  
_**August, 2015:** Silas Glam Magazine’s Interview with Laura Hollis (Sarah Adams in **Afterlife** )_  
  
**Interviewer:** First of all, congratulations on landing yet another leading role in a drama series! Ever since your character in _Doctor Troubles_ died, the fans have been wanting to see more of you on TV again.  
**Laura Hollis:** Oh yeah, it’s good to be back in front of a camera. Theater has taught me a lot, but this is where I started.  
  
**Interviewer:** I can imagine, how is it to be working on a set again?  
**Laura Hollis:** I wasn’t away for that long, was I? ( _laughs_ ) Oh well, but yeah it’s fantastic to be working alongside so many talented people. We are all such good friends and it’s easy to go do my job.  
  
**Interviewer:** And how is it working with _Carmilla Karnstein_ ( _Alice Woodsbury_ _in **Afterlife**_ )?  
**Laura Hollis:** Oh, she is a great actress. I mean, I couldn’t believe that she hadn’t done anything before. She’s such a professional. It’s really inspiring to work with her. Big talent, everybody.  
  
**Interviewer:** We will all be able to judge after seeing your end product. Do you already know, when the pilot of _Afterlife_ will air?  
**Laura Hollis:** Well the first season wrapped just some time ago. Fall 2015 is hopefully vague enough for it to not be true. I wouldn’t know though, to be honest. However, I recommend everyone watching it, not only because of me, but our entire cast is hot. You would miss something. ( _laughs_ )  
  
**Interviewer:** There have been rumors of you dating your co-star _Carmilla Karnstein_. Is there something you would like to tell us?  
**Laura Hollis:** ( _laughs_ ) We are just really good friends. I know, I know: Shocker!

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
Your shooting schedule for Afterlife season two is a little hectic. You mostly don’t leave your trailer, and when you do, it’s for food, or to go to your hotel and sleep. You hear that you’ll get to meet a new cast member soon. Apparently there will be a spot open for a guest role in the final episodes 23 and 24.  
  
You haven’t even read as far as episode 20 (although you received the scripts for 18-20 about a week ago), but you don’t think about that. Currently you have other things to worry about anyway, because you are watching a video of yourself and Carmilla hugging in-between takes, uploaded by some fan. (How the hell did that person even get on set?)  
  
Of course both your twitters are blowing up. And this wasn’t even planned.  
  
Carmilla is leaning her head on your shoulder (she has had a 14 hour shooting day -again!) and staring blankly at the screen of your phone. You can guess that she isn’t enjoying this, but she doesn’t complain about it either. She’s just quiet.  
  
She’s been exceptionally quiet about everything lately, but you don’t dwell on it.  
  
  
“The fandom is going crazy. Not telling anyone what’s up is much worse than confirming anything. People went nuts about those interviews we did at the MGTV award show. Have you seen that?”  
  
Carmilla lifts her head off your shoulder and snorts, “Yeah it’s like I only have to breathe the same air as you and they will go make yet another fan video of _Hollstein_ moments.”  
  
  
She’s right. And you also know that if the fangirls knew, how much time you two spend together offscreen, they would freak. Carmilla actually is the closest thing to a girlfriend you have currently. You see her almost every day, and you spend a lot of time with her.  
  
You eat together, you sit together, and then there is kissing. Not a lot of kissing, because obviously you don’t make out in every episode, but recently the writers have built in a lot of love between Sarah and Alice. So there will be the occasional hug or other intimate type of contact.  
  
You have been thinking a lot about your personal relationship with Carmilla lately. There has been a lot of offscreen touching between you two. You will lazily put an arm around her, while watching a particular scene together or she will link her arm with yours while walking from set to your trailer. You were never aware of it, but actually you two are pretty close. Even though there is a lot of teasing between you two, you really have become good friends.  
  
  
“Come on, let’s make them freak again.”, Carmilla is excited for the first time, and gets her cell out of her pocket.  
  
You observe her skeptically, until you understand what she’s doing.  
  
_A selfie._  
  
She lays her head back down on your shoulder and her lips are dangerously close to your neck, when she takes the picture. Any normal person that doesn’t know you two would say you are really close friends. Someone who has seen the first season of Afterlife, might get the wrong idea.  
  
_Because people, who spend sooo much time together, must develop feelings for each other!  
  
_ Bullshit.  
  
Although you do get the fangirls somehow. It is true. But you never would admit that.  
  
  
“You are feeding the monster.”, you point out, but she just shrugs and writes the caption for your picture. She even tags you on twitter.  
  
  
@CarmillaKarnstein posted a photo: When beauty meets talent. - with @TheRealLauraHollis  
  
_May 7, 2016_  
  
@ TheRealLauraHollis @CarmillaKarnstein The question is, who is who.  
  
_May 7, 2016_  
  
@ CarmillaKarnstein @TheRealLauraHollis I was actually just talking about you, sweetheart.  
  
_May 8, 2016_  
  
  
  
On the night she posts that selfie, your shippers write a whole new theory about how you two most probably got together after that kissing scene you did.  
  
Carmilla and you read it aloud in your trailer after a long shooting day, laughing your asses off.  
  
And when she kisses your cheek and you two part your ways, you think that it really isn’t that bad to be shipped with Carmilla.

 

* * *

  
  
_**December, 2014:** The first proper introduction_  
  
Laura was talking animatedly with LaFontaine, the producer. They immediately got along. LaFontaine was that sort of person that could make friends with just about anyone, and Laura liked that quality about them. They also had a vast general knowledge, which made them the more appealing, whenever Laura felt up for a conversation.  
  
Someone cleared their throat behind them and the star turned around to face the people that were interrupting her -very urgent- talk about the importance of having dessert after a main course.  
  
LaFontaine nodded over to someone else in the room and excused themselves, saying it was okay.  
  
  
“Laura, I know you two already met some days ago, but can I formally introduce you to Carmilla Karnstein? She got cast as our very own Alice Woodsbury.”  
  
The blonde offered her hand with a heartwarming smile, “Laura Hollis. Pleasure to properly meet you.”  
  
Carmilla eyed the hand for several seconds, before realizing what she was doing.  
  
Or **not** doing in that case.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, likewise.”, the brunette stammered and shook the outreached hand.  
  
_Oh god, and she had soft hands too!_  
  
  
The blonde was surprised that the woman in front of her wasn’t at all like she had remembered.  
  
Not that she had remembered only Carmilla out of all the Alices she had to do scenes with.  
  
However she certainly had left an impression on her, and this Carmilla was the opposite.  
  
  
Laura tucked a strand of hair behind her ear that got loose again (annoying hair), so she just drove her hand through her mane, until it was falling in a good angle. Carmilla eyed her in every little thing she did.  
  
She knew that woman in front of her all too well. Of course she did. Who didn’t?  
  
  
Every teen grew up with her.  
  
Carmilla really was trying her best not to drool or anything.  
  
Because yes, Laura Hollis kind of was the reason she had discovered her preference for women.  
  
  
“Are you excited that you got the lead part?”, Laura tried to strike up a conversation.  
  
“Yeah. Never would have imagined it…”  
  
_Not in a million years._  
  
The blonde smiled warmly again, and just as she was about to say something else, someone called her over.  
  
She was the star after all. Of course everyone wanted a piece of her.  
  
Laura touched Carmilla’s shoulder lightly, and the contact didn’t burn like it usually did with strangers trying to touch her, “We’ll see a lot of each other in the upcoming months.”, Laura grinned widely, “I’m looking forward to work with you, Carmilla.”  
  
The dark haired woman wanted to faint then and there. Laura shot her another beaming smile and made her way over to where she was needed. Carmilla watched her saunter over graciously and engage in whatever conversation.  
  
  
This wasn’t being only starstruck.  
  
Being starstruck would have described their first interaction at the chemistry read, where Carmilla could downplay it with being flirtatious.  
  
  
Carmilla was genuinely and utterly amazed by how much the camera didn’t cover.  
  
Laura Hollis was a goddess in person. She was the most beautiful woman inside and out, like it seemed.  
  
  
And maybe Carmilla was developing a little crush on her new co-star.  
  
Though then again, she remembered always having one on her.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
There is a picture of Carmilla with a Victoria’s Secret model that’s been roaming around. They have been seen leaving a hotel together. This throws the shippers off. They write hate comments on Carmilla’s twitter, saying she didn’t deserve you for cheating.  
  
You really ask yourself how people can think you two are real, when you haven’t confirmed anything, and how anyone can butt into both of your businesses?  
  
  When did people get so nosey?  
  
  
Just as you are about to follow the hashtag _#LauraDeservesBetter_ , Carmilla walks into the lunch room lazily and plops down opposite from you.  
  
Your day started earlier than hers today.  
  
  
“Are you cheating on me already?”, you giggle and show her the picture that has been blowing up your twitter. She just rolls her eyes and groans.  
  
“I forgot that this would be a problem.”  
  
“Was she at least worth it?”, you push further.  
  
  
Carmilla looks up at you with surprise evident in her eyes -and quite frankly you too wonder briefly, why you were asking her that. She doesn’t have the time to answer you though, as she is being dragged to make up by your producer. They are very fond of Carmilla, but they do not like her lack of time management.  
  
Your co-star doesn’t seek for you at dinner time on that day, and you have a feeling that what you said, was somehow wrong.

 

* * *

  
  
@corvaemag @AfterlifeSeries ‘ @CarmillaKarnstein dating model @GenaVadis? Get the scoop! (link)  
  
_May 13, 2016_  
  
  
@ CarmillaKarnstein Assumptions and allegations aside, I would very much like my private life to be mine and ONLY mine to talk about.  
  
_May 13, 2016_  
  
  
@ CarmillaKarnstein It’s sad that I can’t even go out with good friends of mine, without people thinking that I’m fucking them.  
  
_May 13, 2016  
  
_

@CarmillaKarnstein And no, I’m not going to apologize for my language. Or ANYTHING else.  
  
_May 13, 2016  
_

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You and your dad always make time to see each other in-between shooting movie after movie -or in your case episode after episode. Usually it’s mostly just you ranting on about everything and nothing, but today he’s been especially quiet.  
  
Almost observing.  
  
  
“I’ve been following your social interactions, darling. And I was wondering… I always see pictures of you and Carmilla Karnstein coursing around on the internet. Is there something you need to tell me?”  
  
Of course he would ask you _that_.  
  
“We work together. We’re a prime time couple on TV. It’s inevitable that I’m seen with her often.”, you are a little irked by the tone he is using.  
  
You are not a child anymore.  
  
You can date whoever you want.  
  
Even though you aren’t really dating Carmilla, it bugs you that he doesn’t seem to approve.  
  
What bugs you even more is the fact that this isn’t him being over-protective. This is him being an stuck up ass.  
  
  
“She’s not really what you would call…”, he stops himself.  
  
“What?”, you urge him to continue.  
  
  
_wealthy_ , _famous_ , _good enough for you_  
  
The list goes on and on.  
  
  
“She has a reputation. And she has only been in the business for a year. Who knows what she did before that.”  
  
Now that is a whole other story. It’s him being ‘protective’ of what or _who_ is associated with you or your name.  
  
You really want to walk away, but you know what this would convey, so you try to act as unaffected, as you can, “Carmilla is my co-star and **nothing** else, dad.”  
  
  
And you try to shove down the feeling you had, when your father mentioned her reputation.  
  
He is right about that though. She doesn’t seem like someone who would be loyal.  
  
But then again it is troublesome that you are thinking about that, because you two aren’t an item.  
  
And it isn’t fair to her that you are thinking so negatively of her life choices.  
  
So you resume to thinking about your job.  
  
  
The views.  
  
It’s all for the views.  
  
And somehow you feel bad about it now.

 

* * *

  
  
_**February, 2015:** Promo shooting for Afterlife_  
  
  
Carmilla was nervous. Anxious. Laura and her had not found that much time to establish a somewhat personal relationship, and yet they had to do a promo shooting together.  
  
Before even starting filming.  
  
The brunette had her issues. Self esteem issues. Though no one she ever met would say that about her.  
  
It all was in her roots with growing up with her adoptive family. Especially her abusive _‘mother’_.  
  
No good times.  
  
And then also the fact that _this_ was overwhelming. She still hadn’t processed the whole _‘being cast as a lead alongside Laura Hollis’_.  
  
And of course the other thing weighing her down was her ongoing self doubt.  
  
What if she wasn’t good enough for this? What if she just got lucky with the casting? What if they would replace her? What if _Maman_ had been right all the way?  
  
  
_Carmilla, do you really think you can make it in Hollywood? Who would want to hire **you**? You are not talented, you are a fool._  
  
  
She steeled herself internally.  
  
People, people, people.  
  
Rushing around her.  
  
  
She had a little trouble breathing.  
  
  
“Hey, how are you? Everything okay?”, Laura walked into the break room, where the brunette was leaning on a chair and breathing heavily.  
  
“Uhm- Yes. Okay.”, Carmilla had her eyes closed.  
  
Laura approached her colleague and tentatively placed her hand on her shoulder, Carmilla’s body immediately tensed.  
  
  
“Everyone! Can I ask you to leave this room please? It’s a little hectic in here. We need some time to prepare.”  
  
They all looked at the pair suspiciously, but obeyed nonetheless. When Laura Hollis asks you to do something, you do it.  
  
Carmilla opened her eyes and eyed the floor, trying to regain some of her cool, because her crush was in the same room as her (alone!), and she wasn’t even freaking out because of that.  
  
No, of course it would be her stupid anxiety and of course Laura had to witness that.  
  
  
“Are you okay?”, Laura asked again.  
  
Carmilla finally dared to look up into hazel eyes that were observing her intently, “Yeah I’m fine. It’s just…”  
  
It’s just?  
  
_I have baggage of the past and big crowds make me feel uncomfortable and random strangers touching me makes me want to run, but I still wanted to become an actress. Though I am not sure, if it really is the right thing for me, because the fame and all is actually freaking me out. And also the fact that you are standing so close to me is bothering me a little._  
  
Of course she didn’t say that.  
  
  
“I was five, when I had my first shooting for a commercial.”, Laura began speaking, as she casually poured some water into a plastic cup, “I was freaking out, because there were so many lights and all those people that I never had seen in my life. It’s overwhelming sometimes. Especially, when you’re new in the business, but wanna know what helps?”  
  
Carmilla cocked her eyebrows, to indicate that she was listening.  
  
Laura shrugged, “Think about your goal. Think about your achievements. Think about the fact that you’ve come so far. You’re leading a life many are dreaming about. There are so many starving artists out there. You get to express your art. You get to do what you love -or at least I hope you love it.”  
  
“Your five year old self thought like that?”, the brunette asked skeptically. With the slightest hint of a smirk.  
  
Laura smiled -that beaming, dazzling, breathtakingly beautiful one, “No. I ate a lot of chocolate and got hyper. What I just said, is how I handle it _nowadays_.”  
  
The blonde held out the plastic cup full of water. Carmilla took it, and eyed it some seconds, before matching Laura’s gaze once more.  
  
“Really? You still feel like that? Even after being in the business for so long?”  
  
“The outcome of the work I do, and how many people I affect with it never ceases to amaze me. Never lose that Carmilla, because the day you do, is the day you don’t do it for just the love of creating something beautiful for yourself and for the world to share, but because you have to do it, because it’s your job. I wish for you to never reach that point.”  
  
  
“I do love it, you know? Acting. It’s been a dream of mine to express myself through that, ever since I was little.”  
  
  
Laura smiled sincerely at her co-star and produced a chocolate bar out of the purse she was carrying.  
  
“Oh, and chocolate _does_ help, if you stay in the reasonable amount.”, the blonde explained, biting her lip with a smile forming behind those pearl-white teeth.  
  
The brunette took the chocolate bar, unwrapped it and bit off a huge chunk, before handing it back. Laura took it as a sign of them sharing it. Oh yes, she actually had been a little sad about giving it away completely, but Carmilla wanting to share was a welcome change.  
  
  
“You know, at first I thought you’d be an conceited asshole. Because of the fame and all.”, Carmilla chuckled.  
  
Mentally she wanted to slap herself. Why the hell did she say that?  
  
“And when I first met you, I thought you would be yet another self-absorbed actress that is gonna mack on me all the time.”  
  
“Fuck, I thought you would think I’m charming.”, the dark haired actress remarked with a pout that dissolved into a heartwarming smile right after.  
  
  
And that was the day Laura thought about how many facets people had.  
  
The blonde really had expected Carmilla to be yet another asshole of an actress that was full of herself, but this raw version of her…  
  
  
  
“You ready to kiss me for some pictures?”, Laura drawled (fake-)seductively and wiggled with her eyebrows.  
  
Carmilla had to swallow down, “There is kissing?”  
  
“No! This is only a promo shooting, Carmilla. We probably don’t have to do much. They just wanna see how we look good together. You know, do some poses and stuff.”  
  
Carmilla was so adorable with her inexperience.  
  
  
  
The celebrity just really was amazed with how wrong she had been about her co-star.  
  
And that was the beginning of their blooming friendship.


	4. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No! I’m serious… I love that about you.”

_**February, 2015:** First table read_  
  
  
“Hey, I’m Elizabeth Spielsdorf, but please _never_ call me that… Betty. Go with Betty.”, a tall blonde introduced herself to Laura Hollis, the star of the show.  
  
“I’m Laura-”  
  
“You really don’t have to tell any of us. Everyone knows who you are.”, the tall woman laughed.  
  
Laura felt a little uncomfortable, but when her eyes caught the broody brunette in the far back of the room, she excused herself.  
  
Betty was nice and all, but something just drew her to her main co-star. They hadn’t had the time to properly chat yet.  
  
  
  
“Carmilla, can I join you in… Doing _whatever_ it is you’re doing there.”, the blonde giggled.  
  
The brunette yanked out her earbuds and accidentally threw a lot of loose sheets of paper from her lap.  
  
She just had organized it. _Great._  
  
Laura bent down and helped Carmilla recollect those.  
  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”  
  
“You didn’t. I was just caught up in my own world.”, the brunette smiled shyly.  
  
_Oh god._

  Is what both thought.  
  
  
“Have you ever worked with Perry?”  
  
Carmilla frowned.  
  
“The writer?”, Laura helped her.  
  
“No- I know who Perry is. I just- I thought you knew… I just got out of theater school. I haven’t done much yet… Or let’s say I haven’t done _anything_ for the big screens yet, or TV.”  
  
Laura’s eyes grew wide, “Ohmigod… You must really be good.”  
  
The dark haired woman squinted her eyes, “Well yeah, otherwise I wouldn’t have been cast.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah- No of course you wouldn’t.”  
  
_You wouldn’t just get the role, because you are ridiculously attractive_.  
  
  
“Tell me cutie, what brings you here now?”, Carmilla rasped and that brought the blonde out of her mini crush she had developed in 2 seconds.  
  
(She liked raw artists with talent. And being good-looking and talented was rare these days.)  
  
Though the brunette just destroyed everything with her comment.  
  
_Yet another self-absorbed egomaniac probably._  
  
_Christian Bale’s female version?_  
  
  
“I just wanted to chat with you.”, Laura stated hesitantly.  
  
And when LaFontaine, Perry and Kirsch, the director of the first episode came in, the celebrity felt relieved.  
  
She didn’t know by then that she would grow to like Carmilla in just a week after that, on their fist promo shooting together.

 

* * *

 

 _Present Day:  
_  
  
You got to film with Carmilla almost the whole day. You looked forward to spending some time with her again, because yeah, she is the only constant in your life now.  
  
It’s a pity. You are pitiful.  
  
You are so wrapped up in your work that you never find time for yourself anymore. If only you could just go out and find yourself someone like Carmilla does.  
  
How does she do that?  
  
  
  
“Are you seriously pumping me for dating advice?”, she asks you with one risen eyebrow.  
  
“You seem to have so much luck in that department. What do I do wrong? Am I not hot enough?”  
  
She gives you a pointed look, but then she throws an arm around your shoulders and walks you to your trailer. You place your hand on her forearm and pout.  
  
  
“Laura, you are not just any woman. You could have _anyone_ , and that’s the problem. You shouldn’t be with just anyone. You need someone…”, she is looking for the right word, “Someone worthy of you. You can’t just hop from club to club and get yourself some action.”  
  
You stop dead on your tracks.  
  
  
“Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?”, because yeah she does exactly _that_ all the time.  
  
“I’m not saying that because women shouldn’t do that, no by all means, everyone is entitled to do anything they please. I just don’t want _you_ to settle for less than you deserve.”  
  
“No, I meant because of you. Don’t _you_ think you deserve more than you settle for?”  
  
  
You’re serious about this question, because she can’t **not** see it. She can’t **not** know it.  
  
Her cocky behavior indicates that she knows what kind of power she has over most people. Douche.  
  
Carmilla looks at you. Calculating. In the last few weeks she’s been different. Not bad, but just a little reserved.  
  
  
“Do you seriously not know, how beautiful you are?”, you ask her again. You are dead serious.  
  
You see her. Conflicted.  
  
She frowns at you, “Sometimes beautiful is not enough, Laura.”  
  
  
And apparently that’s the end of the conversation, because she gets into her trailer and leaves you by yourself.

 

* * *

  
  
_**November, 2015:** #AskCarmilla on Twitter_  
  
  
@ CarmillaGaystein02091997 @AfterlifeSeries _what is your favorite part about playing alice?_ **#AskCarmilla**  
  
@ AfterlifeSeries @CarmillaGaystein02091997 _All the biting and of course getting to make out with Sarah ;) -Carmilla_  
  
  
@ brenda3924829 @AfterlifeSeries _Who is your celebrity crush?_ **#AskCarmilla**  
  
@ AfterlifeSeries @brenda3924829 _OBVIOUSLY_ _@TheRealLauraHollis_ _-Carmilla_  
  
  
@ Gay4Hollstein_Tina **#AskCarmilla** _Date @TheRealLauraHollis already!!!_  
  
@AfterlifeSeries @Gay4Hollstein_Tina _This wasn’t a question! But: I asked her and she said no :( -Carmilla_  
  
@ TheRealLauraHollis @AfterlifeSeries @Gay4Hollstein_Tina _When did you ask me!!??_ **#AskCarmilla #lies**  
  
@AfterlifeSeries @Gay4Hollstein_Tina @TheRealLauraHollis _:O I don’t have to. You would say no!!! -Carmilla_

 

* * *

 

 _Present Day:  
_  
  
“Season 2, episode 14, scene 1, take one. Action!”  
  
You’re only wearing a freaking dressing gown. Okay, and your underwear, but still... It’s pretty cool on set (freaking air-conditioned room) and you will see Carmilla’s bare back for this scene.  
  
It’s the post-sex scene. (Your shooting schedule is so messed up, because you wrapped 16, 17 and 18, but still are working on 14, but you are used to that now.)  
  
  
  
“Sarah, what are you doing all the way over there?”, that’s your cue to look back towards her.  
  
And yep, you see her bare back, you see her shoulder blades moving, while she is trying to put on a bra.  
  
  
“Uhhhh- Sorry, I just- I can’t remember those freaking lines.”, you lie, and demand for the scripts.  
  
“Cut.”  
  
  
Out of the corner of your eyes you see Carmilla getting naked (or semi-naked) again and laying down on the bed and vanishing under the comforter.  
  
You are being ridiculous, because it’s _just Carmilla_ , your _co-star_ and _friend_ , but still…  
  
You are **very** gay.  
  
  
“Okay, okay. Ready.”, you blow out air and lick your lips.  
  
  
“Good... We are rolling again… Season 2, episode 14, scene 1, take two. Action!”, it’s not Kirsch, who is directing this episode.  
  
It’s one of the few female directors that work on this project. Melanippe Callis. She’s good at what she does. Not as awkward as Kirsch.  
  
  
“Sarah, what are you doing all the way up there?”, you look back and are graced with that - _very nice_ \- sight again.  
  
“Just sending an email to my uncle.”, you say your line and turn your head again and you’re sure that you are blushing, and that you’re smiling.  
  
But not because you’re such an good actress, but because… _You don’t know._  
  
She creeps up on you and leans over you towards the desk and looks at the laptop that’s in front of you. From here on your director left it upon you, how you wanted this scene to go.  
  
As long as you can belt out the lines and make sense. It’s a pretty light-hearted scene and is supposed to portray the playfulness between your two characters.  
  
  
“Is that really important now?”, she rolls you around on your revolving chair and steps in between your legs. You are going to combust.  
  
You haven’t seen a half-naked woman in a very long time and Carmilla currently is only wearing underwear.  
  
Freaking black lace underwear.  
  
You need to keep your cool, you tell yourself.  
  
  
“Are you trying to distract me? Because it isn’t gonna work.”  
  
Oh it would work. You need to cool. Now.  
  
You have to remind yourself.  
  
  
**_Carmilla. Your friend. Your co-star._ **  
  
  
But mostly _your friend._  
  
  
  
“Sure about that?”, her voice drops lower than you’ve ever heard it go.  
  
You gulp and look into her dark eyes. She’s playing this part so perfectly.  
  
For a brief second you wonder, how she seduces the countless women you see with her in real life.  
  
Is this the Carmilla Karnstein they get to see and experience?     
  
  
You know her like this, but in a much more innocent atmosphere, where you can blame it on her being cocky.  
  
Not with fake bed hair, only in underwear, acting like she is being dead serious.  
  
She deserves a freaking Oscar for this performance.  
  
She sounds/looks exciting.  
  
  
Not even the mic guy standing there- Or any other crew member in this matter can make you think of anything else than a half-naked Carmilla.  
  
You always knew that she was good-looking, because _duh_ , you have eyes.  
  
However this- You’ve never have seen her this exposed- Not that you are minding this…  
  
  
But what she can do, you can do too.  
  
You think.  
  
  
You stand up, clearly taking her by surprise and reach out. You get ahold of her bra strap and yank her towards yourself. She stumbles a little -the take is very usable and very authentic- and pins you to your desk with her hands on either side of your hips.  
  
You just shot yourself in the foot, because she is now closer than before and her warmth is radiating off her.  
  
Carmilla smirks and leans in, looking down and is **she-??!!!**  
  
She is fiddling with your robe, you feel the lightest of grazes against your (bare!) stomach, and the next thing you know is how she chuckles into the kiss you share and how Mel yells, “That’s a cut! I loved it! Again!”  
  
  
Your co-star lets go of you and gets back to the bed, taking off her bra and positioning herself beneath the sheets.  
  
  
You check to see that your robe still is closed and not exposing any part of your body.  
  
  
How can she be so freaking good?  
  
No wonder she gets all those girls.

 

* * *

 

 _ **December 2015:** Late Night Show with Julia Bernardi_  
  
  
“Our next two guests play Alice and Sarah in the new drama/horror series Afterlife on ZTV, I would like you all to welcome Laura Hollis and Carmilla Karnstein!”  
  
Both actresses walked in, hand in hand, smiling at the audience, and then leaning in to hug the interviewer, each separately.  
  
  
“Thank you ladies for coming in!”, the woman smiled broadly at the pair that sat down on the couch.  
  
“Thank you for having us!”, Laura smiled sweetly. Some people cheered for her and she waved at the audience.  
  
“Of course! Laura, now you have been here a few times now… Let’s concentrate on Carmilla.”, Julia laughed.  
  
“Oh yeah, do you want me to go backstage again?”, the blonde joked.  
  
“We can’t have the star of the show disappear.”, Carmilla remarked with a nervous laugh, and Laura put a calming hand on her thigh.  
  
They knew each other for a year now and the blonde knew that this was Carmilla’s first appearance on TV -that didn’t require acting.  
  
  
  
  
“Now, tell me Carmilla. I’ve been trying to get the scoop on Laura’s quirks from many of her co-stars, but you and I seem to be on the same page here… Tell me a secret about her.”  
  
The audience laughed, Carmilla seemed to really think about something.  
  
“She’s taking too long, _dismissed_.”, Laura shook her head.  
  
The brunette then regarded her co-star with eye-contact and spoke, “A secret about Laura? She’s the most beautiful, when she comes to set on 4 am. It’s a sight.”  
  
“Are you being sarcastic now?”, Laura asked, while shoving her co-star a little.  
  
“No! I’m serious… She’s one of the few women that don’t need any make up at all to be exceptionally beautiful. That’s- _I love that about you_.”, Carmilla spoke to Laura directly.  
  
An _Awwwww_ filled the room and the interviewer smirked at the pair.  
  
“Now isn’t she sweet?”, Julia asked.  
  
  
Laura gave her co-star an undecipherable look, “Yeah…”  
  
Carmilla took great pride in the fact that she made the famous Laura Hollis blush on TV

 

* * *

  
  
@corvaemag Are Hollstein trying to kill their fans with cuteness overload?    
**  
rt:** @ TheRealLauraHollis @CarmillaKarnstein would be great girlfriend material y’all: she killed a spider on set!  
  
_May 16, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
**_June, 2015_**  
  
**Laura Hollis** (10:52pm): have you read 20???  
**Laura Hollis** (10:53pm): Alice and Sarah kiss  <3  
**Laura Hollis** (10:53pm): it’s like reading a book and finally having them together  <3  
  
Carmilla read the texts, and simultaneously went through the new scripts that she had printed out just some days ago.  
  
They were currently on a break from shooting and she hadn’t found the time to go through the new scripts yet.  
  
She found the scene pretty quickly.  
  
There it was.  
  
  
(ALICE _kisses_ SARAH)  
  
  
Her heart threatened to jump out of her throat.  
  
Carmilla would have to kiss Laura Hollis for a scene.  
  
No, Carmilla would be able to kiss Laura Hollis as her job.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You finish a scene with your on-screen sister Christine aka Betty Spielsdorf. She’s the one who messes up most of the takes after you, so you two do have your fun on set. You just had a scene together, where you talked about your family.  
  
It weighs you down a bit, because you are not in good terms with any of your family members. Sometimes you wish you had a sibling. Being brought up as an only child has been tough. All the pressure was on you. You always were scared that you weren’t living up to their expectations. And you know that you haven’t, because there is a reason for your screwed up relationship with both of your parents. Though your father made it easier for you than your mother.  
  
  
  
You see Carmilla lounging around in the break room after wrapping your scenes and join her.  
  
“Hey, haven’t seen you at breakfast today.”, you strike up a casual conversation.  
  
Not that you really noticed or anything. But it was odd.  
  
  
“Miss me already?”, she asks you with a risen eyebrow.  
  
Okay _this_. This is totally the Carmilla you know. The cocky douche bag.  
  
You roll your eyes and shake your head. Infuriating. Carmilla is infuriating sometimes.  
  
  
“Do you have time later on to run some lines and talk about sex?”  
  
Carmilla chokes on her drink and starts coughing furiously.  
  
_What the hell?_  
  
  
“Are you okay?”, you ask her. Concerned. Because what just happened?  
  
“Run some lines and **what**?”, she croaks, clearly not recovered yet, so you pat her on her back.  
  
  
“Talk about episode 13, scene 18.”, you try to rephrase your poor choice of words.  
  
Because yeah, you get why she had that reaction.  
  
“Mhm… I- Yes- We should rehearse _that_.”  
  
  
And now she isn’t _that_ Carmilla anymore.  
  
Where are her half-disgusting/half-flirty remarks?  
  
  
“Okay then… When are you done?”, you ask her, as you pour yourself some much needed coffee.  
  
“I think I should wrap at around 6. Though there is a fight scene and it can take a little longer.”  
  
“I’ll wait for you in my trailer.”, you offer.  
  
  
“Cool.”, she nods once and you raise your eyebrows at her.  
  
“Cool?”  
  
“I- Yes! Cool! Later! Gotta…”, she trails off and then runs off.  
  
  
Sometimes people are weird, right? You don’t mind that anymore.  
  
You gotta get ready for your next scene.

 

* * *

 

 _ **February, 2013:** Red carpet at the Academy Awards_  
  
  
Laura was walking the red carpet with her co-star Theo Straka, when stopping for an interview.  
  
  
“You two look lovely together!”, some interviewer complimented them.  
  
“Thanks!”, the blonde responded, while placing her hand casually on Theo’s shoulder.  
  
“Did you hear that your mother was nominated for the new movie she did?”, the question was meant to be for Laura.  
  
“I did hear that.”, the blonde glared at the interviewer for bringing that up.  
  
No one really knew what was going on in the Hollis family- Just that Agnes Forrester (she never took Benjamin’s last name) had cheated on her husband and then moved out of the mansion, when Laura was just thirteen years old.  
  
It was all over the media, but no one knew, what exactly made her own daughter despise her that much.  
  
  
“Are you rooting for her?”, if Laura didn’t know better, she’d say that the interviewer was trying to be insensitive on purpose. He really was.  
  
“I’m rooting for _talent_ , and I haven’t seen the film, so I would not be able to judge, if she deserves it. I think that the academy chooses wisely. Whoever wins, most probably deserves it.”  
  
_Good answer_ , J.P. would say.  
  
  
“Now… The date you brought tonight, is also nominated, yes?”, the man’s gaze wandered to Theo, who smiled broadly at the camera.  
  
“Yes that’s true, though I cannot compete with the others… Have you seen who’s nominated?”  
  
“Don’t be such a downer, of course you have a chance!”, she assured her friend of many years.  
  
  
“Our viewers would probably also like you to make a statement on you two… You made a film together, where you played a couple.”  
  
“Oh boy.”, Theo laughed.  
  
Laura wanted to jump that interviewer.  
  
“Yes we did.”, the blonde said through gritted teeth.  
  
“You seem like such a good match in real life too.”  
  
The actress sighed and looked up at her co-star, “Theo is one of my best friends. I know him since Aquarella, but I have to disappoint you folks. I am into women.”  
  
“But your character in _Wildside_ was straight. This leads to _us_ thinking that there is more about your private life _we_ do not know about...”  
  
“Well, all I can say is... That that’s my job as an actress. That’s the gift. I get to play characters that are so different from who I am.”, Laura was truly irritated by now.  
  
  
She wondered briefly what other eighteen-year-olds did in their leisure time and felt like she was missing out on a normal life.

 

* * *

   
  
@TheRealLauraHollis I will say it here clearly, for all of those who didn’t get this the first time: I, Laura Hollis, am a lesbian. I’m proud of it. And this does not define or limit me as an actress, and never will.  
  
**_February 25, 2013_**  
  
  
@ TheRealLauraHollis And NOT ONE SOUL can make me feel like I’m worth less, because of that fact.  
  
**_February 25, 2013_**

 

* * *

 

 **hollsteintrash4evah_tammy** (16/05/18; 4:34pm)  
GUYS! i met laura in vancouver some hours ago (DYING)!!!!!!! i told her that carmilla was my idol and that i loved them both together and OMG i’m dying so much!!!!!! she giggled and said that she’ll tell carmilla when she sees her later on!!! do you think hollstein is real???  
  
  
_Reblogs:_  
  
**AliceAdams**  
stop shipping real life people, that’s creepy  
  
**BriannaHollsteiner**  
it’d be so gr8 if they were  <3 <3 <3  
  
**LaurMillaHollStein87**  
I WANT THEM TO MARRY AND HAVE BABIES!  
  
**AliceAdams**  
for god’s sake. they are shooting Afterlife together in Vancouver, of course she sees her all the time. one would think you guys are reasonable

 

* * *

 

 _Present Day:  
_  
  
“You’ll start off by taking off your -what were you wearing again?- Whatever, and then uhm-”, you can’t look her in the eye, while telling her what you have in mind.  
  
“Kirsch did really tell you that one by one?”, Carmilla quirks up an eyebrow. Skeptically.  
  
“No… But I was like… Thinking… That we could rehearse- Well of course not _all_ of it, but like…”  
  
  
You really don’t know why all of a sudden you are the mess and she is all calm.  
  
Just some hours ago she seemed a little uncomfortable.  
  
But now you have thought about it.  
  
  
You are going to see Carmilla naked. Like… Fully naked.  
  
Not episode 14 naked- But in all her glory. And she is gonna see you.  
  
  
“Creampuff, are you okay there?”  
  
“Why aren’t you more… _Uncomfortable_ with this?”  
  
Carmilla barks out a laugh, “Do you _want_ me to be uncomfortable?”  
  
“Noooo… I just… Feel like an idiot.”  
  
  
“You had to do these scenes before. _I’m_ the one who’s allowed to be awkward.”  
  
She has a point there. Though… No, she has not.  
  
  
“I never- I mean, I never had to do a sex scene with a woman.”  
  
That catches her attention. She looks up at you and furrows her brows.  
  
“Isn’t that supposed to be easier? Because you are not so much into men and all?”  
  
You lick your lips, and you really are trying to convey this without saying the wrong things…  
  
  
“No. That’s the thing. You said it. I **don’t** feel attracted to men. It doesn’t mean anything, when I’m shooting with a guy...”  
  
  
She blinks. Some seconds pass. And there is something in her eyes.  
  
Her dark, dark eyes.  
  
  
“Do you feel attracted to **me**?”


	5. Save Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wow Creampuff, you truly are a charmer today…”

Your mouth goes dry when she asks you that question.  
  
  
You are thinking about it. The way she said it. Just a few seconds ago.  
  
  
_“Do you feel attracted to me?”_  
  
  
So hopeful. Was it hopeful? Or are you just hopeful that it meant what you think it meant?  
  
What you hoped? What you want it to mean?  
  
Because it doesn’t make sense that your palms are sweaty and your heart’s racing.  
  
She is your friend. You are co-stars. Colleagues.  
  
There is nothing between you two. Bickering and teasing.  
  
And still.  
  
You want her to sound hopeful.  
  
  
“You are attractive Carmilla. Do I really need to tell you that?”, and you put it off with a chuckle. A nervous one.  
  
  
But she is demanding. She wants you to say it. She wants you to say what you initially meant.  
  
And you can’t. Because the moment you do… _You simply can’t, because the past has shown you..._  
  
Because she is your _co-star_. And _friend_. And you swore **it** to yourself.  
  
  
“That’s not the same as _being attracted to **me**_.”, she says.  
  
“I’m attracted to women.”  
  
It’s a cop-out answer and you know it.  
  
And she knows it.  
  
But she lets it go.  
  
And you are so grateful.  
  
But on the other hand you don’t like the way her shoulders slump and how she curls up on the little space on the ‘couch’ in your trailer.  
  
As if you took something from her.  
  
And you did. You know that. You took a piece of truth and a piece of courage.  
  
  
Even though you don’t really know why so.  
  
Deep inside you may know it, but you are too scared.  
  
Because _deep inside_ is for adventurers, and you are plain and boring.

 

* * *

  
  
_**June, 2015:** Break from Shooting_  
  
  
Both of the lead actresses had some time off. The brunette had convinced her co-star to go window shopping with her to a nearby place and get street food.  
  
Just a stroll for fun. Carmilla didn’t really come across her own country so much, and now she was in another one. It was pleasant, no one recognized Laura, or the few that did, didn’t really bother them that much, so the break was well spent.  
  
  
They weren’t minding anything, when suddenly something caught Carmilla’s eyes.  
  
A leather jacket.  
  
She took the blonde by her hand and led her into the shop. It was one of those vintage boutiques.  
  
All unique pieces.  
  
  
“That leather jacket you have on display out there… I want to try it on.”  
  
  
The shop owner looked at Carmilla suspiciously. That jacket was expensive after all.  
  
Laura eyed the whole interaction with wondering eyes.  
  
What was it about that jacket?  
  
  
“Kid that piece is real leather. It’s a vintage jacket from 1994. One piece.”  
  
“Oh my gosh. That’s my birth year. Carmilla, do you really wanna buy something as old as me?”  
  
The dark haired woman turned around and smiled, “You look pretty fresh to me though, cutie.”  
  
Laura rolled her eyes for the remark. Though she smiled (when Carmilla wasn’t looking). She had been aware of a flirty vibe between them.  
  
More than before. Maybe because of the fact that Carmilla was a pretty decent friend and co-star.

Or maybe Laura allowed that more than before. She really didn’t know.  
  
  
The shop owner reluctantly got to his display and took the wanted piece out of it, observing Carmilla, when she put it on.  
  
  
“How do I look?”  
  
Laura eyed her meticulously, and the fabric too. Checked, if all the stitches were in the right places, if any of the zips made any weird noises. Everything seemed to be working still.  
  
“Turn around.”, the blonde spoke softly.  
  
Carmilla did, as she was told, and felt two hands palming at her shoulders and going the length of her arms.  
  
“It looks really good on you.”, Laura said after some time.  
  
  
“Great. I’ll buy it.”  
  
  
The shop owner still was very skeptical. She hadn’t once asked for the price.  
  
And he was more than surprised, when her credit card didn’t get declined.  
  
  
“Wanna tell me what that was about?”, Laura asked her co-star, once they were on their way back to set again, “It’s summer. You won’t really be able to wear this in the next few months.”  
  
Carmilla shrugged and put on her sunglasses to shield her eyes from the light outside, “I’ve never bought anything without asking for the price. And I always wanted a leather jacket.”  
  
  
And yeah, Laura never had thought about the fact that she grew up very, very differently from Carmilla.  
  
Maybe she could learn a few things from the brunette, she thought to herself. And those feelings in her stomach skyrocketed just then.

 

* * *

  
  
@TheRealLauraHollis Currently shooting the first episode of @AfterlifeSeries with lovely people! Everyone’s so talented oh my gosh! Can’t wait to share this with you guys! LOVE YOU!  
  
**_April 14, 2015_**

 

* * *

  
  
_**January, 2015:** Article on Laura Hollis in The M_  
  
  
**“It’s important to me to be seen and acknowledged for who I am.”**  
  
  
It’s one of those afternoons, where winter is being indecisive again. It’s 58 °F, but one can still see the dark clouds in the horizon, rushing into the city, waiting to triumphantly pour down on the peasants.  
  
Good though, because the interview we have scheduled with Laura Hollis is far away from that wayward weather, in a hotel near her newly bought condo. One of those hotels in Los Angeles that sell coffee for $18 and sandwiches for $49.  
  
She is in the city of angels, because she is currently promoting a new clothing brand. She is the new face of _‘Kattritch’_ , a noble brand from Europe.  
  
When we meet her in front of the hotel, she is not the ten-year-old little girl anymore that played the quirky _‘Jamie’_ on _Aquarella_. She has matured. Her posture is the one of a model, though when we talk about that, she just laughs and makes jokes about being too short.  
  
However modelling for merch was always something she wanted to do, she says. She stands for quality and fair wages. _‘Kattritch’_ is one of those companies that had her at their first approach. Comfortable wear, and eco-friendly.  
  
When we talk about _Aquarella_ and the name _Danielle “Danny” Lawrence_ (whom the star was involved with from late 2011 until summer 2012) comes up, she smiles. Ever so friendly, and tells us that their split was amicable and that _Danny_ (who played _Jamie’s_ best friend _Sidney_ in _Aquarella_ ) and her still were friends.  
  
During our talk she laughs a lot, and even talks very animatedly about new projects. One of those projects include Lola Perry’s _Afterlife_. She says it’s very important to her, to be representing the LGBTQ+ community as someone from that community herself.  
  
  
“As a person that stands out publicly, it is very important for me to spread a positive message. Afterlife means so much to me, because its two lead characters are queer and it’s something I would have needed in my childhood. I can imagine that it isn’t easy, being brought up in a conservative household or in a homophobic environment. You need someone to stand up for you. You need someone to tell you it’s okay to be who you are. It’s important to me to be seen and acknowledged for who I am, so I want that to be the case for everyone out there too. Kids these days need to be taught to love, and to be told that it is okay to love a girl as a girl or a boy as a boy or that it is okay to not want to go by the stereotypical genders. Everything is okay. Everything is normal. You can define yourself as whoever you want to.”

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
Since the whole debacle around Carmilla allegedly dating/sleeping with that Victoria’s Secret model you haven’t dared to talk about her conquests, but lately you have seen a development in that department.  
  
  
“Haven’t seen any fangirls around you lately.”  
  
Carmilla looks up from the script she has been studying religiously in the past few minutes.  
  
“I don’t surround myself with fangirls.”  
  
“You know what I mean.”, you shrug it off.  
  
Ever since that little confrontation between you it was awkward for a while between you two.  
  
  
“Why do you care about them?”  
  
“I don’t. I just… I’m worried.”  
  
She snorts out a laugh, almost laughing at you, “I signed up for this, so might as well do it right. I’m not _seeing_ anyone until either of our agents give us the okay. You know... Until we don’t have to act like there is something between us that we are not saying?”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
  
You don’t mean to sound so surprised, but it doesn’t fail to irritate her.  
  
Lately you either see her being irritated or tired or both. And then she gets quiet.  
  
And you don’t know when it all changed. When exactly you became so obsessed with her.  
  
Or when exactly it started to offend you, when she wasn’t nice or thoughtful or anything else akin.  
  
  
Maybe it’s because she always was nice to you. And when she wasn’t, she probably was teasing you, but never this.  
  
  
“I’m gonna run some lines with Betty Crocker.”, she announces and retreats back to somewhere safe. Anywhere but here.

 

* * *

  
  
_**February, 2015:** After the Promo Shooting_  
  
  
Carmilla was looking at herself in the mirror. Her character’s wardrobe was too goth for her, but she appreciated all the black stuff, as it resembled her own closet at home.  
  
Home being her one-bedroom back in Anaheim, that’s fondly called _Anacrime_.  
  
  
With good reason too actually.  
  
But maybe soon all of this would be something left behind.  
  
Because just maybe she would be accepted in this world full of glitz and glamour.  
  
  
“Hey.”, Laura smiled politely at the other woman, who turned to her fully.  
  
  
The blonde was wearing her own clothes again.  
  
An owl sweater that seemed like something a grandma would wear.  
  
Carmilla felt her step a little bit closer to the pit that she swore to herself never to fall in with Laura.  
  
  
Because she wasn’t allowed to.  
  
  
“Ran out of clothes?”, the brunette gestured towards her co-star’s pullover.  
  
“My gran made that.”  
  
“Ah.”  
  
She’d been right.  
  
Of course Laura’s grandma made it.  
  
  
“Do you… Do wanna go grab a bite?”, the blonde asked hesitantly, almost shyly.  
  
Carmilla shook her head, “Can’t cutie. I have a shift at 8.”  
  
Laura was a little bugged by the nickname, but more confused about the other part of the sentence.  
  
“Shift?”  
  
The brunette laughed, “I have to pay my bills somehow y’know? Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays you’ll find me working at _‘Dine and Dime’_.”  
  
Carmilla felt a little ashamed because of that, but what followed then wasn’t something she expected.  
  
“Okay but that means tomorrow you are free? It’s a Sunday. You don’t work on Sundays.”  
  
The dark haired woman nodded slowly.  
  
  
“Awesome! Uhm…”, Laura pulled out a business card (of course she had those), “The one at the bottom is my private cell… We could just meet up and get to know each other. Maybe prepare for our characters and stuff… Just… Call me?”  
  
Carmilla needed some seconds to register. Because the girl that she had been following for the past ten years of her life on TV was giving her her business card and demanding for her to call her.  
  
So that they could meet.  
  
So that they could talk.  
  
  
“I’m gonna be in LA for some time, before flying out to Vancouver in April. You could come by my apartment.”  
  
So she could go to her apartment.  
  
  
“But you don’t live in LA.”, Carmilla wanted to smack herself the moment that came out, because she was not supposed to know that, she was quick in correcting herself though, “I overheard the other day…”  
  
She hoped that Laura wouldn’t question her, and she didn’t.  
  
“Yeah, I don’t. But I am here more often than I wish… So… I bought a condo in Beverly Hills some time ago.”  
  
And this time Laura sounded like the one who was embarrassed.  
  
Because she was -accidentally- flaunting her wealth.  
  
  
“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow. Afternoon.”  
  
“Right.”, the blonde nodded to herself, “Because you have to work tonight.”  
  
“Right.”  
  
  
And Carmilla really should be feeling bad about this. Because of _her.  
  
_ But she didn’t.

 

* * *

  
  
_**March, 2007:** At the Hollis Mansion_  
  
“Laura, can you tell us anything about your parents’ divorce?”, a man shouted at the twelve-year-old. Her manager held out a hand to indicate that the unwanted guests at the Hollis mansion should not come any closer. Freaking paparazzi everywhere.  
  
“Stop terrorizing the kid. She has been through enough.”, J.P. spoke calmly to one of the photographers and guided Laura into a car with tinted windows. He was on her father’s side.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You find yourself staring at the perfect features of your co-star while she is filming an action scene.  
  
  
Before you started shooting again you hadn’t seen Carmilla for a couple of weeks. It was good that way.  
  
The finale of the first season aired in March.  
  
  
You both had some time to regenerate.  
  
It’s weird that you are just now aware again of how truly beautiful she is.  
  
Of course you have always found her good looking, but now you see that other Carmilla again.  
  
  
The Carmilla you got to know before the fame changed her. The insecure one.  
  
Fame changes everyone. With her it was the cocky behavior that got boosted. Not her sweet side.  
  
You see _her_ again. The shy, considerate and sometimes nervous trainwreck that stutters. The _real_ Carmilla Karnstein.  
  
  
That was one of the most endearing qualities about her. Her innocence somehow, because even though she always had that mysterious and sinful vibe around her, she was innocent and untouched by the gruesome claws of fame and glamour and whatnot.  
  
  
And it’s always been a push and pull between you and her. Though you had shut it down completely.  
  
On some days you find her absolutely adorable and great and on others you are disgusted by her. Still like that.  
  
But lately the former seems to be more the case. And you find that it’s very, very bad. Because it makes you think about _it_  again.

 

* * *

  
  
_**July, 2015:** First Kiss_  
  
  
Carmilla had brought a blonde woman to set. Usually she never brought anyone.  
  
And usually Laura didn’t pay that much attention to the others, when they brought guests.  
  
  
  
“Uh and that’s Laura…”, Carmilla had been awkward with the introduction, “Laura, this is my girlfriend Ell.”  
  
The blonde was shocked to say the least.  
  
“Hey!”, Laura reached out her hand, Ell taking it, “Carmilla’s girlfriend… Wow, did you get together recently?”  
  
The tall, blonde quirked up her eyebrows, as she looked at her girlfriend, “No, we’ve been together for two years now.”  
  
Carmilla looked anywhere but the two blondes that were both pretty surprised.  
  
“Oh… She- Carmilla’s probably mentioned you, I’m just a little forgetful y’know?”  
  
What a lie.  
  
She was an actress that could memorize ten pages in one minute.  
  
  
  
  
“I wanted to tell you… I just…”, the dark haired woman tried to explain, once they were alone, but Laura just shook her head.  
  
“You don’t have to apologize Carmilla. It’s none of my business.”, the blonde turned around, a smile plastered to her face, “We’re only co-stars. You don’t owe anything to me.”  
  
The star of the show walked away and into the trailer to prepare for their scene.  
  
  
  
  
Internally she was very confused. She had picked up on a flirty vibe.  
  
Was that only one-sided? Had she been wrong about that the whole time?  
  
Laura groaned while going through the scripts. She **knew** , but she had hoped.  
  
  
The kissing scene was planned for that afternoon. Maybe Ell came by for exactly that?  
  
No, that would be totally weird.  
  
  
  
  
“Season 1, episode 20, scene 13, take one. Action!”  
  
  
“Sarah!!!”, Laura’s head was in Carmilla’s lap. The brunette had just ‘saved’ her from an explosion, “You can’t die on me… Not now. I need your stupid pieces of advice and your cockiness and your urge to save the world and I need to hear your shrill voice and- Please don’t die…”, there were tears falling from Carmilla’s eyes and hit Laura in the face.  
  
She was doing a stellar job.  
  
“I don’t have a shrill voice.”, the blonde rasped, clearly ‘injured’ and still confused.  
  
“You’re alive… But... But your heart stopped beating for a second… I could hear it…”  
  
“Supraventricular extrasystole. Happens sometimes...”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Don’t worry about it...”, Laura laughed and they both starting cackling hysterically.  
  
  
Because that’s what you do, when you barely make it out of an inferno.  
  
And then there was supposed to be a moment.  
  
That one eye-contact and all.  
  
  
Carmilla’s gaze dropped to Laura’s lips, and from there on it was pretty clear.  
  
  
It was in the script.  
  
ALICE kisses SARAH  
  
And she did. Very gently.  
  
  
It was supposed to be their first kiss. And that’s how Carmilla kissed. Soft, slow and trying not to be too hasty.  
  
Carmilla had placed her hand on Laura’s cheek, stroking her cheekbone with her thumb, and then she retreated and they looked each other in the eyes.  
  
  
And even though the being surprised part was somehow in the script, Laura didn’t need to act it. And Carmilla didn’t either. It came naturally to them.  
  
  
“Cut!”  
  
  
Both women didn’t move. They should have. Laura was supposed to move. But they remained there.  
  
And every passing second they were staring into each other’s eyes gave more reason for the blonde woman watching them. More confirmation of what she already knew.  
  
  
Because that was the day Carmilla got dumped.  
  
And she hadn’t even tried hard to hold her back, because Ell’d been right about _**it**_.  
  
But she didn’t admit it to herself so easily. Instead she tried to get _**it**_ out of her system by sleeping with various strangers.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You just wrapped 2.20 and are lounging outside with Carmilla, ranting about the fact that she has never watched Doctor Who, when the shadow of two figures standing behind you distracts you. You look back and shield your eyes from sun with your hand, when you see _her_.  
  
Immediately you find yourself in a standing position.  
  
Glaring at the person in front of you.  
  
  
“Miss Forrester, these are our two leads. Carmilla Karnstein and L-”, some crew member is trying to introduce you to your own mother.  
  
But of course she interrupts, “I know Laura Hollis, thank you very much.”  
  
  
“What are you doing here?”, you grit your teeth and ball your fists, because you can’t believe that she is standing in front of you.  
  
  
“Ohh!! Hey! I see you guys are already being introduced to each other! That’s our Virginia Adams y’all. She will be playing Sarah and Christine’s mother.”, LaFontaine smiles at you and in this moment you hate the fact that your crew is mostly made out of indie people that don’t know the connection between you and that woman. Because even though she has another name, even though you don’t look like her, even though you never talk about her, they should have known who she is.  
  
  
You turn your head towards her, realization hitting you right in the face, “Oh my god. _You_ are the new guest star…”  
  
  
“Wow Creampuff, you truly are a charmer today…”, Carmilla remarks sarcastically and holds out her hand, “Pleasure to meet _‘my girlfriend’s’_ mother.”, she says with a chuckle and your mother is looking at her. Very unimpressed.  
  
“Uhm… Because we portray a couple on the show? And you are playing Laura’s- I mean _Sarah’s_ mother?”, your co-star is trying to explain.  
  
“Oh yes, Miss Karnstein I am aware of that fact.”, ~~your mother~~ Agnes finally takes her hand and shakes it and you somehow don’t want her to touch Carmilla.  
  
  
  
You run away from that scene. You don’t know what you are doing, but you just need to get away. You find yourself in your trailer.  
  
It’s getting harder to breathe. You were fine all this time, when she didn’t barge into your life and made your world turn upside down. This was always your safe place. Your work. Where she could never show up. Where she never would show up, out of principle.  
  
There’s a knock on the door.  
  
“Go away! I **don’t** wanna talk to you!”  
  
“It’s Carmilla.”  
  
  
You sag down on your ‘couch’ and huff out a breath.  
  
She took your silence as a cue to come in.  
  
There she is standing in front of you and not knowing what to do with herself.  
  
  
“What was that?”, Carmilla asks you. There is concern in her voice.  
  
You look up at her, there are tears running down your face, you know it, because your vision of her is blurry.  
  
“That was my mother.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“My mother.”  
  
“Wait… That was the cheating, lying mother you always talked about?”  
  
She is approaching you and positions herself right in front of you and crouches down to meet your eyes.  
  
“The cheating, lying, _homophobic_ mother, yes.”  
  
“What?”  
  
  
Well yeah, you never told anyone about that part.


	6. Dysfunctional Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And are you happy with your life and how it turned out to be?”

_**February, 2015:** Laura’s Apartment in LA_  
  
  
“Tell me something about yourself!”, Laura urged her guest.  
  
Carmilla shrugged, “There is not much to know about me.”  
  
“That probably is not true... Start with where you’re from. Because I can tell that you didn’t grow up in LA.”  Laura said, because she herself did.  
  
“Okay... I was brought up in a small town in Colorado and then got shoved around in the system-”, she took up on the blonde’s puzzled expression, “I never knew my birth father, and my mother was an addict, so I was taken away from her and placed into this foster home in Albuquerque and then from there on moved to the west when I was eighteen…”, she hadn’t ever talked about that to a stranger.  
  
She felt exposed now. But it faded, when Laura took her hand.  
  
“I know how that is… Well probably not exactly like you do… But I grew up with parents that fought all the time, and then after my mother left, my father worked like a crazy person. So I kind of know, how it is to not have any parents. Or parents that you can rely on.”  
  
“That really sucks.”  
  
Carmilla was actually pretty new to that story. She only knew about Laura’s mother leaving her father, but the star always seemed so content in the interviews. It was something else knowing a celebrity up close.  
  
The brunette was never interested in those gossip pages anyways. She always only watched the shows in which Laura starred and sometimes her interviews. She had always despised television, but she watched those 20 minutes of her crush ranting on about nothing and everything every day until she was seventeen. Until the show got cancelled, because the leads were too old. And then it was those other little guest roles Laura got.  
  
Carmilla felt like she was pathetic. Now coming to think of it.  
  
  
“Whatever… Let’s not weigh down our day with heavy talks… Tell me, what made you audition for _Afterlife_?”, the blonde wanted to know.  
  
“I liked the story behind it.”  
  
“A vampire falling for an annoying human that thinks she can save the world with her healing hands?”, Laura laughed.  
  
“Well, okay. _You_ tell me, why you auditioned for _Sarah_. I mean, you also portrayed a med student in _Doctor Troubles_. What is it with you and those roles?”  
  
  
The blonde chuckled, “Have you seen that?”  
  
Carmilla was very thankful for her inability to blush (or at least she told herself that she couldn’t), “Well yeah… I watched that series my whole life.”  
  
“It only has 4 seasons, Carmilla.”  
  
“You know what I mean.”  
  
  
Laura finally decided to answer the initial question, “I actually was toying with the idea of becoming a doctor when I was little.”  
  
“Really? Why didn’t you become one?”  
  
“Because both my parents expected me to follow _their_ path and I was shoved from one audition to another at a very young age and someday I just decided that it was my destiny… Plus, now I get to be a doctor or whatever else in front of a camera.”  
  
“And are you happy with your life and how it turned out to be?”  
  
  
Laura’s eyes met Carmilla’s and she seriously had to think about the question.  
  
Was she happy with who she was? Who she had become?  
  
It was a heavy afternoon after all...

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
“When I told you I broke off contact with my mother five years ago… That was around the time I got together with Danny.”, you explain to Carmilla, who is frowning at you.  
  
“I remember. Your coming out process was a little weird. You were a teen Kristen Stewart… Everyone got the vibes of you two at the end of the show though. Despite me not really understanding it. She was way too tall for you.”  
  
You narrow your eyes at her, “You’ve watched the show.”  
  
“I told you, I- Uh- I’ve watched some episodes, before starting to work with you.”, she stammers.  
  
“Uh huh…”, you don’t believe her, but that’s not important now. Not at all. Not when your homophobic mother is gonna be on set and watch your every move.  
  
You really hope that her appearances are little and that she won’t be around much.  
  
  
“So what are we doing about your jerk mother?”  
  
“Just try to avoid her? I don’t know actually.”  
  
“Don’t you maybe think…”, she rubs the back of her neck awkwardly, “That maybe she’s changed? I mean… She wouldn’t say yes to a role in a series that’s mostly gay, if she wouldn’t at least accept it, don’t you think?”  
  
You consider her possible explanation, but you sadly know your mother’s views on this topic. Something like that doesn’t change that easily.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries We are excited to welcome @AgnesGForrester into our ensemble!  
  
_May 21, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
_**July, 2015:** Aftermath of the Kiss_  
  
  
“We’re just colleagues! It meant **nothing**!”, Carmilla tried to convince Ell and quite possibly herself.  
  
“I’ve been trying to tell myself all this time. All this time, when you rather spent _‘reading lines’_ and _‘rehearsing’_ with her than being with me. That what you two have is innocent. I told myself that it’s normal to work like you do, it’s normal that my girlfriend who got the lead part for a show is away all the time. A girlfriend for whom I came to Vancouver on the weekends- For what Carmilla? We’ve been together for two years now, by now you should have known that it isn’t me. By now you should have known that!”  
  
“It’s _nothing_ …”, the brunette closed off the space between herself and the blonde woman, approaching her, reaching out to touch her, hold her in place.  
  
Because Ell was the convenient choice. The beautiful girl that had a promising future at her father’s law firm. She was not a whirlwind of an actress that would have absolutely zero time for her, when shooting other projects. Not an actress that would have to kiss others for a role.  
  
  
No, Carmilla was the only one doing that in this relationship. And then thinking about that, she got Ell somehow.  
  
Her hands dropped beside her body. She didn’t try to fight it anymore. Ell was right.  
  
Carmilla’s eyes fell to the floor, suddenly the PVC-coating of the trailer was more interesting.  
  
  
“You fell in love with her, didn’t you?”  
  
It was not an accusation. It was only a simple question.  
  
That’s what you learn in law school. Being calm, because accusations don’t get you the right answers.  
  
Accusations just rile one up. Accusations lead to defensive behavior.  
  
  
“Ell… There is **nothing** going on, I swear.”, Carmilla tried again. Her will to fight was back, because Ell couldn’t be right about that.  
  
“You didn’t answer my question.”  
  
The brunette had this pleading look on her face.  
  
“I’m flying back tonight. I’ll be sure to drop off your stuff with your landlord.”  
  
“Ell…”, the dark haired woman tried once again.  
  
“Carmilla… It’s not just because of that okay? It’s also the fact that you’ve been here in Vancouver for half a year and I’ve been in California pushing through university. We’re on different places in our lives. There is no time to tend to a relationship that’s apparently not what you want anyway.”  
  
“That’s not true. I love you.”  
  
“I believe you, I really do... But you don’t love me like that... Not anymore.”, the blonde paused, “Do you even think about me, when you’re here?”  
  
“Of course I do!”  
  
“Yeah? And why didn’t Laura know who I was then? The woman who -according to magazines- you have such a good working relationship with?”  
  
And when Carmilla didn’t answer, Ell took it as a cue to leave.  
  
For good.  
  
  
  
Carmilla looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t in love with Laura. She really wasn’t.  
  
An infatuation? Sure. A silly little crush? Yeah. Did she fancy her a little? Maybe.  
  
But she was _not_ in love with Laura. And so she proved it to the world.  
  
Born was the cocky douche bag that slept with various girls.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You called J.P. as soon as Carmilla went back to set to film a scene. It’s odd that you didn’t go to your father with this one. J.P. is like the father figure that was there for you, when your own parent couldn’t or wouldn’t be there for you. You understand your dad in some ways, because it’s hard juggling a job like this and care for his ~~only~~ daughter - _But is it really?_  
  
J.P. offered to come and support you (he began to despise your mother after what she did to your father), but you declined. You said that you needed him in LA, managing your public appearance and all that. You also mentioned to him that you possibly wouldn’t be able to keep up the act with Carmilla, but you told him not to do anything about that. He understood that.  
  
Maybe, **hopefully** your mother really is only a guest star for two episodes.  
  
You really hope that.  
  
  
Your legs carry you out to get prepared for your scenes in the afternoon, when the sight of your mother greets you from afar. You try to avoid her stare towards you and slip into the building where your break room is situated.  
  
  
“Hey!”, LaFontaine was snacking on some chips, before you marched into the room.  
  
“How could you guys **not** know? How could you let this happen?”  
  
“Woah! Let **what** happen?”  
  
“Why did my mother get the role???”  
  
“Wha-”, they sigh, “She was offered the role from our head producing company and she came in to do a scene and she is Agnes Forrester… You don’t say no to her, when she is willing to guest star in your show.”  
  
So they **did** know who they were hiring. _Great._  
  
“For fuck’s sake- Does anyone ever think about the other actors that work here?”, you do not swear often, but sometimes it indicates just how pissed you really are.  
  
“She’s your mother.”, the redhead points out, “She doesn’t seem _that_ bad.”  
  
  
You huff out an annoyed breath, take the pack of chips from the producer and storm out of the building and out to the setting where Carmilla is currently shooting an outside scene.

 

  
“You should watch out for your body.”, that cold voice gets to your ears. You can only roll your eyes.  
  
“What are you doing here? You don’t shoot for another three weeks or so.”, you tell her.  
  
“I was hoping to watch my daughter work. I haven’t seen your acting in a long time.”  
  
Yeah sure, how could she, if she was avoiding you all this time.  
  
Not that you haven’t done the same to her.  
  
  
“Well then, I hope you have a good time.”, you say and make your way towards where Kirsch is sitting and munch on your chips and ask him about the scenes you have to do later on.  
  
Plus maybe Carmilla in character can make you think of something else, because damn Alice is hot in that episode.

 

* * *

  
  
_**July, 2015:** Last Day of Shooting_  
  
  
Laura stood outside of Carmilla’s trailer contemplating on what to say, because she had heard that her co-star had broken up with her long-term girlfriend some days ago.  
  
Were two years even considered as long-term?  
  
She wouldn’t know. Her longest relationship, the one with Danny, endured less than a year. Everything was great, before Danny voiced her concerns for taking roles that contained nudity on Laura’s part. Danny was sweet and all, but it wasn’t even only her being jealous that someone would get to see Laura like that, but the fact that Danny thought less of her, just because she agreed to those kinds of scenes.  
  
Danny held her back in her career. Not that Laura thought being naked was a must for any film to be good, her inner feminist said the exact opposite, but she wanted to explore that world. She wanted to break out of the _‘little girl’ Laura Hollis_ that the world saw her as. And that was being a feminist after all. Getting to do what she wanted to do, or felt comfortable with.  
  
Danny and her father got along pretty well because of exactly that. And Laura had no interest in dating her dad.  
  
  
However now she stood there. In front of Carmilla’s trailer, because she wanted to make sure that she was okay. Laura was there, because that’s what friends do for their friends. She was there, because she just couldn’t get the feeling out of her chest that the break up had to do something with her, and she also somehow was a little happy about the split -to which she never would own up to of course- because that would have been a horrible friend-move.  
  
There was something between Carmilla and her. And even though she swore to herself never to fall for a co-star again, she couldn’t help those stomach fluttering feelings, whenever she saw the brunette goddess of an actress.  
  
  
Suddenly a door opened, “Thanks for- **OH!** Hi! Aren’t you Laura Hollis?”, a girl with light brown hair stumbled out of Carmilla’s trailer and Laura wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. In the back she saw her co-star with a horrified expression.  
  
“Uhm yeah. Hi. I-”, the blonde shook her head, “ **Classy**... Uhm- Excuse me, I need to be _somewhere_. Nice meeting you.”  
  
  
“Laura!”, Carmilla ran after her, “Hey… Stop for a sec!”, the dark haired woman tried to get ahold of the blonde’s sleeve to stop her.  
  
“Don’t touch me with _those hands_. **This is Burberry.** ”  
  
The blonde couldn’t believe what she was saying, but she didn’t take it back.  
  
Carmilla arched an eyebrow, “Right. Sorry. Uhm- Why were you…?”, she trailed off.  
  
“I just wanted to check in on you, and see how you were, but err… Seemed like you were _in good hands_.”, Laura frowned, “Not intended to be a pun.”  
  
“This isn’t what-”  
  
“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone that you brought someone to set. It’s the last day anyway.”, the blonde said and turned around to leave, “Good night, Carmilla. I will see you tomorrow at the party.”, she called over her shoulder.  
  
  
The brunette watched the other woman stalk off and groaned.  
  
Maybe she was _a little_ in love with Laura Hollis.  
  
But she had screwed it up now.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You don’t have many lines in this interaction between _Alice_ and _Jared_ aka Anthony Belcher. He is one of the most important characters and plays Alice’s vampire brother.  
  
Carmilla is sitting on a love seat, talking with her onscreen _‘brother’_ , who is standing close by, when you finally enter the scene. Usually you would just go sit beside her, but you know **who** ’s watching, so you provoke that woman that gave birth to you.  
  
You blatantly ignore the directions and go sit on Carmilla’s lap. She’s a little surprised, but she continues her conversation with _Jared_ , and places one hand on your thigh and the other on your back to stabilize you. Your own arms wrap around her neck and you bury your head in her shoulder.  
  
You should be feeling guilty, because you are using Carmilla now, but you can’t bring yourself to, because it feels really good to be held by her like this. It’s good to know, how well she fares with spontaneous actions like these. She’s a very professional actress, and you can count the number of times she ever messed up a scene big-time on one hand.  
  
  
“But we don’t even know, if it will work!”, you say your line.  
  
You just know that _Sarah_ never is on board with their plans and schemes. From here on you just wait until Carmilla and you are ‘alone’ again.  
  
  
When you finally are, she regards you with eye-contact and smirks at you.  
  
  
“So, do you wanna tell me, what you’re doing _here_?”, Carmilla cocks her eyebrows and bows her head a little to indicate you sitting on her lap.  
  
She just altered the lines so it fits your situation better. She’s good at improvising.  
  
“Oh you know I was growing a little impatient in the bedroom.”  
  
Carmilla places a kiss on your cheek and squeezes your knee, where her hand is resting.  
  
“Just let me finish some preparations for tomorrow, and I’m all yours?”  
  
You are enjoying this a little too much, so you just lean in to peck her lips and hop off her lap. (That wasn’t in the script either.)  
  
“I’ll be waiting.”, and you exit the ‘room’ again.  
  
  
Carmilla blows out air, “She’s something.”  
  
  
“Cut. That was awesome! I loved the improved parts!”, Kirsch is shouting at you all.  
  
  
You make a beeline to your director, and Carmilla joins you from behind, placing a hand on the small of your back. You all watch the scene again, before doing the other takes.  
  
You are pretty sure that your mother is watching that scene too. Though you don’t look in her direction. You just relish the way Carmilla seems to absentmindedly stroke your lower back and how it soothes you. You rest your head on your co-star’s shoulder. This day has been rough. Even though you didn’t have to do much.  
  
  
“Tired?”, she asks you in a whisper, during her monologue in the scene that you guys are watching. You don’t know, how she can memorize all of that. You don’t hear her fully, because the audio is bad on that thing that you’re watching the scene on, but you know that it’s a lot of words.  
  
“Worn out, yeah.”, you respond and nuzzle your head further into the crook of her neck and for a second you feel like she freezes, but then she moves her hand from where it was on your lower back to your shoulder, to have you in a side hug and you move your both arms to hold onto her waist.  
  
“Just this one scene, until we both can go.”, she whispers into your hair, and you don’t care how long you have to work with her, as long as you can be in her soothing presence.  
  
  
And you know it is bad. Because your mother is watching you probably.  
  
  
And what’s worse is the fact that you aren’t doing it to piss her off anymore.


	7. Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is our award, Laura.”

_**May, 2015:** On the Way to Set_  
  
  
“Carmilla!”, some reporter caught the young actress on her way to work.  
  
“Uhm yes?”, the brunette eyed the man with a tape recorder suspiciously.  
  
“You are quite the break-out star, aren’t you?”  
  
“I wouldn’t go as far, as calling me a _star_. But thanks, bud.”, she waved him off, but he followed her.  
  
  
“How is it, living the dream?”  
  
Carmilla popped some gum (a nervous streak), “It’s great not to have to wait tables anymore, I’ll tell ya.”, she winked at him and then fortunately was let into the studio, where the gorgeous face of her co-star was greeting her.  
  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“Ready to bring our already existing _sexual tension_ to screen?”, the dark haired woman drawled.  
  
Laura rolled her eyes and slapped her co-star’s arm, “There’s no sexual tension. There is an absence of sexual tension.”, Carmilla cocked her eyebrows seductively, “You’re so unbelievable.”  
  
“So you’ve been saying.”  
  
The blonde shook her head and got into the building in front of them.  
  
  
Carmilla was in another world now.  
  
A world full of possibilities and hang outs with her woman crush since like forever.  
  
And she knew it was bad. She knew that there was a sweet, beautiful, intelligent girl waiting for her back in California.  
  
  
It was innocent enough, she told herself.  
  
Carmilla would **never** cheat.  
  
It was just a crush.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You go to a TV award ceremony.  
  
Carmilla and you are both nominated, as well as your whole cast.  
  
Even Lola Perry has been nominated for writing your show, along with her team that started to grow on you.  
  
  
There are only a few days left of shooting after your little break out here in LA, and those back in Vancouver will tear on your nerves.  
  
You already had to rehearse some scenes with your mother, and the hate you have for her is coming to use perfectly well for your acting, as emotions are your number one source for you to act in a whole different level.  
  
  
“Laura…”, Carmilla whispers in your direction. You both are sitting in the back two seats of the van that is getting most of your cast to the venue of the show. (Your mother unfortunately is in the car too -which you don’t understand, because she hasn’t even been in the aired episodes…). The crew is driven in separately.  
  
“What?!”, you snap at your co-star. And immediately feel sorry, but she doesn’t seem to mind anyway.  
  
Her calming hand finds a way to your thigh and you feel her warmth, as your dress really isn’t covering any of that area she is touching. With anyone else you would feel like they were overstepping, but this is Carmilla.  
  
“Try to ease up a bit, yeah?”  
  
You nod and from the corner of your eye you see your mother looking back at the two of you.  
  
Your left hand finds the one Carmilla has placed on your thigh and you take it.  
  
“I’ll try.”  
  
  
  
When you arrive at the venue, you quickly realize two things:  
  
You still loathe LA.  
  
And you kind of love LA.  
  
  
The fanbase here is astonishing. Canada is probably not so crazy or something, you don’t know, but here are a lot of Hollstein shippers among the crowd, because when you two get out of the car, the crowd erupts in screams of both Carmilla’s and your name. You wave at them and Carmilla blows some kisses to them.  
  
Some pictures of your whole cast is being taken, and then you move on, taking selfies with fans here and there or saying some encouraging words (that’s what Carmilla does anyway, because apparently she gives stellar advice). Some of them are daring enough to ask you if you two are together and Carmilla somehow always finds a way to skate around the question.  
  
Of course several photographers want pictures of the lead couple and you both appease them.  
  
Carmilla places her hand on your waist and smiles into the lenses, and you can only look at her, and how beautiful she is.  
  
She turns to meet your gaze and then leans in and for a fraction of a second you think the wrong thing of it, but then she gets close to your ear.  
  
  
“You look stunning tonight.”  
  
She voices the thing you actually want to say to her, but you just smile shyly and look away and into the frenzy of flashlights.  
  
  
You make it up to her somehow (subtly), when you tweet a picture of you both.  
  
  
@ TheRealLauraHollis posted a photo: So honored to be nominated in the same category as this freaking goddess! - with @CarmillaKarnstein  
  
_May 29, 2016_  
  
  
@ CarmillaKarnstein @TheRealLauraHollis Shut up. You’re one to talk.  
  
_May 29, 2016_  
  
  
@ TheRealLauraHollis @CarmillaKarnstein stop tweeting from beside me! :O  
  
_May 29, 2016_  
  
  
@ CarmillaKarnstein @TheRealLauraHollis As you wish, beautiful.  
  
_May 29, 2016_  
  
  
The category in which both you and Carmilla are nominated in is “best female lead in TV drama series”.  
  
When they announce that Carmilla Karnstein is the winner, you aren’t even a little surprised or disappointed at your own loss.  
  
Your co-star seems like she hadn’t expected it at all and looks at you in shock. After some seconds of the information kicking in, she stands up and makes her way to the stage.  
  
  
She accepts the award as well as the kisses the presenter gives her on both of her cheeks (ugh, you could see that girl drooling at her) and then makes her way to the podium to say some words.  
  
  
“Wow. Dang it, I should have prepared a speech!”, is what she brings out at first, eliciting a little round of laughs from the audience, “When I got cast for the role of Alice Woodsbury back in December, 2014… I never would have thought to reach so many with my acting. This has been such a nice journey… This means so much to me… I would like to thank all the fans that voted, the writers behind the story, our directors… Kirsch is the representing one here today…”, you always knew that she kind of was fond of him, “And really the whole entire crew. LaF, our great producer, and the whole cast… But from all of them I would like to especially thank my co-star and also very close friend…”, she is searching for your eyes, and then both of you lock your gazes and forget all the people around you, “Laura… For me personally _you_ would have deserved this award much more than I do, because you drive me on with your work-ethic, and your endless effort that you put into this. Afterlife and my acting would be nothing without your influence, so give it up for Laura Hollis, people! This is **_our_ ** award, Laura.”  
  
You find that she didn’t need to prepare a speech after all.  
  
  
The crowd cheers and claps and Carmilla gets off the stage and then is led backstage.  
  
  
  
When she gets back with a huge grin on her face, she immediately envelops you in a hug.  
  
  
“I’m so, so proud of you!”, you tell her. You rub her back and breathe her in.  
  
“Thank you!”, she says, clinging onto you as if you were her anchor.  
  
And really you are not disappointed at all that Carmilla won.

 

* * *

  
  
_**July, 2015:** Afterlife (Season 1) Wrap Party_  
  
  
Laura walked into the restaurant they all were having the season-wrap party at. It was a closed section, where no other guests could come in, to make it more intimate and not awkward because of the fans. The blonde was a fairly known actress after all.  
  
  
“Ahh! The star of the show has arrived!”, LaFontaine grinned at the blonde and gestured towards an empty seat beside them. But beside them would also mean beside Carmilla, so the actress decided to take the one between Kirsch and Mel instead.  
  
They sort of were rivals. Figures. Both were directors with a very different approach to their work.  
  
But both were fairly good in what they did, that much Laura knew. She liked them all the same, if she were honest.  
  
The blonde turned her head a bit to follow the conversation and saw, how Carmilla was observing her intently.  
  
Laura offered her a small smile, but then indulged into talking with her other fellow actors.  
  
  
  
“Hey.”, Carmilla approached the blonde later on. When most were a bit drunk or a little tipsy at least.  
  
“Hi.”, Laura didn’t make eye-contact with her co-star. She just stared at the wine glass in front of her.  
  
Carmilla contemplated on what to do next, but then just went with it, when she sat beside Laura, “Did I do something wrong?”  
  
Laura chuckled, and shook her head, “Really not.”  
  
  
“Then?”  
  
“Then what?”  
  
“You are avoiding me.”  
  
  
The blonde looked up and raised an eyebrow. In a very Carmilla fashion. But didn’t say anything.  
  
  
“Ever since that kiss- Those kisses… You’ve been avoiding me.”, the brunette concluded that it had something to do with that.  
  
  
That was partly true. Laura had been confused after.  
  
One moment Carmilla introduced her to her girlfriend Ell, the next they kiss for the first time in front of a camera, and then they break up right after?  
  
Who wouldn’t avoid their _co-star/friend/whatever_ after? She felt like it was all her fault.  
  
  
Laura could live with Carmilla thinking that that was her only reason to avoid her. Better than the other one anyway.  
  
  
“It was a little awkward. I admit. You’re like a very good friend of mine and then we had to do that...”, the blonde said, and punched Carmilla on the shoulder lightly, to take off the tension in the situation.  
  
She couldn’t really admit to having developed a _tiny_ crush on her, that had been ongoing for a while. (For 5 months to be precise.)  
  
  
Not after what she had seen the day before. Not after she had met one of Carmilla’s _affairs_.  
  
Because Carmilla clearly was so not interested in her. She apparently was a lady killer.  
  
Just like Laura had thought of her. Just like she had thought of her before **Ell**.  
  
  
Laura just didn’t understand it. Why had Carmilla made so much effort to flirt with her, if all of that had been a lie?  
  
  
The ironic thing was that Carmilla hadn’t caught up onto anything, because she was so busy telling herself that someone like Laura wouldn’t want her anyway. She was never worthy of her. She never had been. She never could be. Just a plain girl. A plain, fucked up girl that had gotten lucky and got cast for the role of her lifetime.  
  
A mayfly. In a few years -if the show even would last after the first season- she would be forgotten.  
  
Laura Hollis would never be. She had a legacy. She had roles just waiting to be played and portrayed by her.  
  
  
And now? She had heard it from Laura personally.  
  
_Good friend_. She was nothing else than a **good friend**.  
  
Seeing that girl with her didn’t seem to bother Laura at all.  
  
So, she could live up to that. Carmilla could distract herself.  
  
  
And that was the evening of how their strictly platonic friendship started.  
  
With both parties not knowing, how the other one really felt about all of that.  
  
Carmilla not feeling worthy enough, and Laura feeling like she got played with.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You are at the after party of the award ceremony, when your mother approaches you.  
  
You really have better things to do than endure her snarky and sometimes hurtful comments about you.  
  
This time you see a hurtful one coming right your way.  
  
  
“ **You** should have won the award.”  
  
_Oh_. Not so hurtful. Well, not for you anyways.  
  
“We **did** win an award. Our whole ensemble got acknowledged.”, you reply sweetly.  
  
“She is a newcomer. With no name whatsoever. I don’t know why you didn’t get chosen. Her acting is mediocre.”, she simply can’t stop it.  
  
“You have no idea what you are talking about. Carmilla is one of the most hard-working, passionate and professional actors that I had the pleasure working with. She deserves her award. What on earth gives you the right to judge her skills? You haven’t seen _anything_ of her work.”  
  
“Oh I have seen enough of her ‘acting’ last week.”, she says with an eye roll, “As if she did act any of that… I must say, I was mildly horrified to learn that you got cast in a homosexual role.”  
  
You have no idea what she is talking about in regards to Carmilla, but you just can’t have her talk like that about you.  
  
  
“Why the hell are you here? Hmn?”, you snap at her.  
  
“To support _you_ of course! Even though now I see that it was a waste of effort.”, oh you’re sick of her.  
  
“I meant why you took this goddamn role, when you don’t even support this show and what it stands for. When you don’t even accept your own daughter!”  
  
“Don’t you say that now!”, she is whisper-yelling, “I have tried my best to let you be in that phase you were with seventeen, but you are turning twenty-two soon. Don’t you think it’s time to grow up?”  
  
You can’t believe what she just said to you.  
  
“Grow up? **Mother**. This _is_ me growing up! This _is_ me owning up to who I am. You can’t just sweep that under the rug. You have to accept that I am into women.”  
  
“I **don’t** _have to_ do anything. You are really disappointing me. Having the media involved with your private life... Having them think that you are dating your co-star. Do you really think that it won’t come out that you two are just pretending?”  
  
Your face hardens, “What makes you think that we’re pretending?”  
  
  
And you know that you just said the ultimate thing, judging on the look on your mother’s face.

 

* * *

  
  
@silasglam Carmilla Karnstein dating Russian model Valeriya Aliyev? Both seen walking hand in hand in Santa Monica!  
  
**_August 25, 2015_**  
  
  
@ corvaemag The start of Afterlife is not the only thing that was successful, as it seems.  
Carmilla Karnstein was seen with fellow actress Amanda Reading! (link)  
  
**_September 19, 2015_**  
  
  
@ corvaemag Carmilla Karnstein seen smooching with Dutch actress! It is getting hard to keep up with her love life. (link)  
  
**_September 26, 2015_**

 

* * *

  
  
**_November, 2015_**  
  
  
**Laura Hollis** (3:42pm): OMG there is fanfiction about us!!!  
**Laura Hollis** (3:42pm): VERY SMUTTY ONES.  
  
**Carmilla K.** (3:46pm): Isn’t that normal? Isn’t that supposed to be good for the show?  
  
**Laura Hollis** (3:51pm): no, you don’t understand…  
**Laura Hollis** (3:52pm): it’s about us.  
**Laura Hollis** (3:52pm): not about Alice and Sarah  
**Laura Hollis** (3:52pm): US.  
**Laura Hollis** (3:52pm): YOU AND ME.  
  
**Carmilla K.** (3:58pm): Who’s the top?  
  
**Laura Hollis** (3:59pm): you’re the worst.  
  
**Carmilla K.** (4:24pm): Oh well I try.  
  
**Laura Hollis** (4:28pm): admit it, you’re reading one right now :P  
  
**Carmilla K.** (4:32pm): I don’t need to. I have enough action in my own sex life.  
  
  
Carmilla didn’t get a reply to that one anymore.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You don’t await for anything, when you turn away from your mother and start walking.  
  
Conveniently enough you run into Carmilla, who catches you with her strong arms.  
  
  
“Woah there Cupcake! What’s up?”  
  
  
You really can’t think straight.  
  
Well okay, you _never_ think straight.  
  
But all you feel is growing resentment.  
  
  
“Can we go? Please?”, you beg.  
  
“Uhm, I can tell the dimwit squad that we wanna-”  
  
You shake your head, “Just you and me. I don’t want to be here any longer.”  
  
She raises an eyebrow, but then offers her right hand, “Of course. We can take a cab or something.”  
  
  
You both make your way out of the club -hand in hand- to meet a flurry of the camera flashlights.  
  
  
And it’s really out of instinct, when you look at Carmilla, who is trying to shield her eyes from the cold light.  
  
  
“Carmilla, I’m so, so sorry.”, and you really are sorry for what you are about to do.  
  
She turns to you with a questioning expression, “You don’t have to be. I didn’t want to stay in there for that long anywa-”  
  
You take up all your courage, place your hand on her neck and pull her closer and down towards you, crashing both of your lips together and the paparazzi are furious.

  
This will make a hell of a head story.

  
What are you doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay and now I gotta comment on that teaser trailer:  
> WTF, WTH, HELLO? IT WAS VERY RUDE!!! I LOVED IT!!!
> 
> Okay. That's all I wanted to say.


	8. The Thin Line Between Fake and Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know what that means, don’t you?”

_**August, 2015:** Game Show for Charity on TV_  
  
  
“Laura, it’s so good to see you here. Among all the other stars trying to do something charitable.”, the host spoke to the celebrity.  
  
“It’s nice to be here. This is my third time now, and it’s always been fun to make an complete - _sorry for my language_ \- ass of myself in behalf of the ones that need our help.”  
  
  
“Now let’s chat, before all of that goes down… You told me about your role in the upcoming series Afterlife. Now we wanna know, if Carmilla is a good kisser.”  
  
Laura opened her mouth in feigned shock, “What if our characters haven’t kissed yet?”  
  
“You told us they fell for each other. You guys can’t **not** give us what we want.”  
  
  
“Alright, tell you what: Girls kiss better than guys in general. That’s my answer.”  
  
“ _Ouch._ But I agree. I’d rather kiss a girl too.”  
  
Laura giggled in response and shook her head.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
_Okay so..._  
  
The current situation is this:  
  
You have your hands tangled in Carmilla’s hair, your lips are brushing against hers and the surprising thing is, she is currently busy kissing you back.  
  
You took her by surprise, that much you know, but Carmilla has always been one hell of a talent when it came to improvising.  
  
  
She has her hand on your waist and is applying light pressure which you take as a sign to go on.  
  
You hear the myriad amount of cameras capturing your perfect moment with her.  
  
The moment you two finally are _‘admitting’_ to your _‘relationship’_.  
  
  
After you think that your little show has given them enough material, you pull back, look into her face -that is filled with surprise and questions that you aren’t yet ready to answer. And quite frankly you think it’s better to get off the paparazzi’s radar. (And you might be a little relieved that you haven’t discovered any shock or disgust on her face.)  
  
  
“Let’s go.”, you breathe and she follows you wordlessly.  
  
Like always actually. She always does what you want.  
  
You wanted to go? Ok. You wanted to kiss her. Ok.  
  
It really is hard to know what **she** wants. And-  
  
  
You were so caught up in everything that you hadn’t realized it until now.  
  
  
You just kissed Carmilla in front of the whole world probably and now everyone thinks you are dating or whatever… And _ohmigod_ you kissed her. It was the best feeling ever.  
  
  
Sure, you two have kissed before. A lot of times by now, but this was so different. This was not staged- Well not in _that_ way anyway. You were not fixated on whether you will look good on the screen or not.  
  
You focused on _her_ solely.  
  
You took in the way her lips were so soft against yours. She was gentle and tentative and it was sweet and something memorable.  
  
You will remember the way her breathing hitched, as if you took away the air out of her lungs, or the way her hand felt on your body. So hot and demanding. You will think of the way she smelled, like peppermint and her perfume. Or the way her soft curls felt against your fingertips.

 

* * *

  
  
@hollyinsider.net posted a photo: Hollstein confirmed!!! - with @CarmillaKarnstein, @TheRealLauraHollis  
  
_May 29, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
You two are sitting in a cab that is currently driving you all the way to Beverly Hills to your condo. You didn’t even ask Carmilla, if you should drop her off at her hotel, because you know you need to talk about what just happened.  
  
  
There is a thick silence between you two.  
  
  
After some time you finally dare to look at her. Her stare is distant and directed at the cars rushing past her.

 

* * *

  
@corvaemag Karnstein gets kissed for her win on ‘best lead’ from non other than her co-star Hollis. Is this a PR-gag or can we finally say that the ship has sailed? (link)  
  
_May 29, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
“What the hell was that?”, she asks you once you’re safe inside your own four walls after having escaped the pricks that have been waiting for you outside of your complex. Word apparently travels fast. You usually don’t deal with that many photographers in near reach of your building.  
  
You shrug off your coat and regard her with eye-contact.  
  
  
“I’m so sorry that I did that- My mother was saying all those things about you and then about me- And everyone’s just expecting me to- I really am sorry- You must hate me-”  
  
She stops your ramblings with two gentle hands on your shoulders.  
  
  
“Hey, Laura. I don’t hate you. Just tell me _what_ that was, okay?”  
  
“It was dumb.”, you groan, “It was a heated moment and I thought if I could show them that…”, you trail off.  
  
Show who what? Your parents that you can make your own decisions?  
  
_Clever._  
  
  
“ **Why** did you kiss me?”, she asks again, once you two have retreated to your couch. There is a certain undertone to be perceived, but you don’t get what that is about.  
  
What you catch on is that Carmilla still knows her way around, and it’s odd, because it’s been more than a year since the last time she’s been here.  
  
  
“Is it really immature of me to say that I wanted to get back at my mom?”, your voice sounds small. Pathetic. You are pathetic.  
  
A light chuckle leaves her lips, “ _Oh Laura_.”  
  
“I know…”, you move to lie down and place your head on her lap, “It was totally dumb. I was like… Hey, yeah Carmilla’s standing there, and y’know we’ve kissed before, so why not???”  
  
  
You are telling half the truth.  
  
Because if you were honest, you wanted to kiss her all night.  
  
Aside from the fact that it would make your mother furious, once she sees/reads about that.  
  
Of course you hadn’t let the thought enter your mind. Not until she said those things. And then you just acted out.  
  
  
However you **did** really want to kiss her in the car on the way to the venue, when she calmed your storm; then on the red carpet, when she told you, you looked stunning, you wanted to kiss her; you wanted to claim her lips, when she got her award, and said those wonderful words to you; you really wanted to make out with her, when she hugged you tight, after coming back; or when she led you into the club, holding the door open for you; and lastly when she ran into you in your dissolved state after the talk with your mother.  
  
Which you kind of did, now thinking of it.  
  
  
You got it bad.  
  
She’s a douche bag.  
  
A very cocky douche bag.  
  
She isn’t though, and you know it.  
  
  
Carmilla might not be interested in you that way -you have already discovered that a year ago- but you still fall for her a little, every time she flirts with you in a sweet way, or every time she looks at you in a certain way. And lately ever since her full attention has been on _you_ , and not her latest girl toy, you have grown to relish in every little thing she does.  
  
Your brain filter doesn’t work properly anymore, because you had shut down all those feelings. And now they are resurfacing again.  
  
It’s annoying, to say the least.  
  
Like right now. She is looking down at you, while your head is in her lap (by the way how the hell did you land here?). Her hand drives through your hair and you close your eyes at the sensation, _okay yeah_ , you could lie there a little while longer. She doesn’t seem to mind. It’s friendly.  
  
Friends do that.  
  
  
“You know what that means, don’t you?”, she asks you and you stare right into her dark eyes again.  
  
“That both our twitters are blowing up as we speak?”  
  
She smiles, but then it’s being replaced with a frown, “Yes, and they probably think that we’re dating. You gave them the ultimate evidence here.”  
  
  
“I’m all for charity y’know? I helped a lot of magazines make a lot of money today.”, you try to brush it off, and then rise again, sitting up, so you can face her.  
  
When you wait for her to say something, and she doesn’t, you just carry on, “We have three options here.”  
  
  
“I’m all ears.”, she gets more comfortable on your couch, resting her left arm on the back of your couch, so that her hand almost touches your elbow that is propped up there.  
  
“Either we just say that that was a PR thing and that it was just a bonus for our fans. Or something. I don’t know. We could come up with some crap.”  
  
She’s skeptical about that option (you are too), “Let me hear the next explanation.”  
  
“Or we say it wasn’t us. We say those were people that only look like us.”, you present her your second option.  
  
“That only look like us, wore the same dresses as us, and went to your apartment together?”, she asks you a little bewildered.  
  
“Uhhh nevermind.”  
  
  
“What’s the third option?”  
  
You huff out a breath.  
  
“The third option is us coming ‘forth’ and kinda… Pretend? Like _fake date_ for the public… Uhm and I know, you probably don’t wanna do that but-”, you are trying to come up with good pros (something like _my mom would be furious, if we did that and that would help me out a lot_ or _J.P. said it’s good publicity for us both anyway_ ), but she interrupts you.  
  
  
“ **I’ll do it.** ”  
  
  
_That was fast._  
  
  
“You’ll do it?”  
  
She nods slowly, “Well, you did that to piss off your mom... And it so happens that I hate homophobic bitches…”, she pauses, a look of horror coming across her face, “Sorry, I shouldn’t be saying this about your mother.”  
  
You shake your head, “She is pretty much a bitch. Don’t worry… Uhm… And as for the other part… This would be really cool of you, if you played along. At least for a bit.”  
  
“Sure.”, there is a hint of a smile on her lips, and her stare is directed at the coffee table in front of her, “I couldn’t bear seeing you sad, you know?”, she looks up at you again, and you can’t help, but close the distance between you two and envelop her in a never-ending hug.  
  
  
“Thank you for doing this…”, you breathe into her hair and her grip around you tightens a bit, before she lets go of you.  
  
“Well, we kind of have been doing this for a while. Why not do it the right way?”  
  
Carmilla gets up and walks over to where she had disposed her purse, to get out her cell. You groan, when you see her surprised face, after unlocking her screen.  
  
  
“And?”, you ask.  
  
“Mattie called. And sent messages.”, she is reading them on her cell, and you take out your phone too.  
  
“Yeah… J.P. has called too.”, you say after checking your missed calls.  
  
  
“She says she is currently in Vegas. She’s gonna fly in tomorrow to talk about this.”, Carmilla rolls her eyes and plops down beside you again, “I have to get going, if I want to be presentable by tomorrow morning. My hotel’s downtown. With that traffic it’s gonna take me an hour.”  
  
Carmilla actually moved out of her -as she always claimed, _shitty_ \- apartment some months ago, saying she was looking for something better, and it actually just hit you that she doesn’t have a place to call home at the moment.  
  
  
You sort of blurt it out, “Stay here.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Stay here. Those freaking paps are still outside. You don’t have to worry about them unnecessarily. Tell Mattie to come meet you here tomorrow and I’ll tell J.P. that he can come by too, so we four can talk about this. Together.”  
  
This actually makes sense.  
  
  
“Uhm, you do know what that implies, don’t you?”, Carmilla smirks and you have absolutely no idea, what she is going on about.  
  
“What does it imply?”, you frown at her. You really don’t know.  
  
“You kissed me out there and then dragged me to your apartment -of which a lot of people know by now for sure. I’d say tomorrow the headlines will not only be about us both kissing, but I’m getting _fake action_ too.”, she laughs out loud and you smack her arm.  
  
  
“You can go, if you want. You know that right?”, you don’t say that because of what she said, but because of the fact that maybe she doesn’t want to be here.  
  
You shouldn’t always assume and make decisions for her.  
  
  
“Are you kicking me out now?”  
  
“No, but you don’t have to stay here and have people write theories about us having sex, if that bothers you.”  
  
Carmilla gasps, but then waves it off, “Sex with _you_? That’s good publicity for me, sweetheart. I’ll take that.”  
  
You can’t help, but smile and simultaneously roll your eyes, “I’ll get the guest room ready.”, you stand up and make your way to your hallway, when you hear her voice once again.  
  
  
“But I thought we were sharing a bed tonight, _babe_.”, she drawls (fake-)seductively and you sigh loudly on your way to the spare room.  
  
  
It’s weird how **not** fake your feelings towards all of this are.

 

* * *

  
  
@hollyinsider.net Hollstein news! Karnstein and her co-star entered Hollis’ apartment in Beverly Hills late last night. Sources confirm, she stayed the night!    
  
_May 30, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
You groan, when you hear your phone go off. For the hundredth time it seems, but that also means it’s past 8 o’clock.  
  
Because that’s the time when your cell automatically shifts to-  
  
_Ohmigod._  
  
Carmilla is at your house. That means you as a host should wake up and-  
  
And…  
  
_Ohmigod._  
  
You are busy remembering everything that happened last night.  
  
  
You shower quickly, find clean clothes that you can wear, and make your bed. It doesn’t even take you an hour. You find yourself ordering in breakfast (yes there is something such as a delivery service for breakfast- very pretentious of you, but that’s one of the things you love about LA) and then take up all the courage to knock on the door of your guest room.  
  
  
You open the door slowly, when there is no answer, “Carmilla? Are you awake? I thought we could eat some breakfast, before Mattie and J.P. arrive…?”  
  
She shoots up in the bed and her unfocused eyes find you. And your own drop to her underwear-clad body.  
  
  
“ **Ohmigod!** Sorry!”, you direct your stare at the ceiling almost immediately. _Almost._  
  
She is stretching or something and yawning.  
  
“Hmn?”  
  
“Uhm nothing. You didn’t have to sleep in- I could have given you something to wear to bed. I didn’t think-”  
  
_You didn’t think that you would be graced with that **super nice** sight right in the morning. Jeez._  
  
“Didn’t think of me not wanting to sleep in a Dolce dress that cost me a fortune? Huh weird…”, her voice sounds raspier right after waking up.  
  
  
When you don’t say anything else, she gets up, “You know, you don’t have to stand there like the awkward guy. You have seen me like this, plus we both have the same body parts, sooo…”  
  
“Right.”, you regard her with eye-contact and you deserve a prize for not letting your gaze wander anywhere south.  
  
_Good job, Hollis.  
  
_ Though your peripheral vision kind of does it for you.  
  
_Also good job._  
  
  
“Though now I would like to take you up on your offer to borrow me clothes. I’d like to take a shower.”  
  
“Sure. Ehhh… Follow me to my bedroom.”, you go ahead and she chuckles.  
  
You can guess what you’re about to hear.  
  
  
“Words that sound like music to my ears.”  
  
“You’re extra cocky today. What’s with you?”, you have a love/hate relationship to this side of her.  
  
  
Maybe it’s because you think you are not special, when she flirts with you.  
  
She does it with everyone it seems, but she’s only sweet to you, and that’s why you prefer that.    
  
Even though it’s because of your friendship. You can live with the friendly behavior, but you don’t want the fake flattery.  
  
  
Funny of you to think like that, because you are currently wanting exactly that of her. The faking thing that is.  
  
  
You open a drawer to your dresser and Carmilla leans on it with her elbows propped up, looking right at you.  
  
“Nah…”, she shrugs, “It just so happened that last night _Laura Hollis_ kissed me in front of what seemed like a hundred paparazzi. I am allowed to bask a little longer in that.”  
  
You roll your eyes at her, “God it seems like I’ve created a monster. Don’t think you’re special.”  
  
  
But she **is.**  
  
She blinks and then stands up straight again.  
  
Three seconds. And four words. Is what it took you to make _it_ stop.  
  
  
_What happened?_  
  
  
“Here, I think you should fit into these…”, you hand her over a pair of black, skinny jeans and a white t-shirt.  
  
Those are about the only things that scream ‘Carmilla’.  
  
  
“You’re lucky that I’m almost as tiny as you.”, Carmilla remarks, as she observes the clothes for some seconds.  
  
“We’re not tiny, Carmilla. We are perfect, just the way we are.”, you say in an encouraging tone.  
  
  
“ **You** are, yes… But uhm… You need to find me fitting undergarments too.”  
  
_What now?_  
  
“Hmn?”, you surely didn’t get that right.  
  
  
“Underwear?”, she says and you think she is joking.  
  
“You wanna wear _my_ underwear?”  
  
“Well, I could also go without, but that top you just gave me is white. Might be a little- Uhm _see-through_? But if you want _your_ _**girlfriend**_ to walk around like that, by all means-”  
  
You can’t hear her talk any further, because there **she** is again.  
  
  
“Actually, I have a lot of stuff that I never have worn, wait here a sec, okay?”, you ask of her and move towards the door at the other end of the room.  
  
  
You get into your walk-in closet and find the shopping bag neatly stored away in the back of your underwear section.  
  
You bought a few pairs of fine pieces of lingerie for- Well, for _occasions_.  
  
  
They totally seem like Carmilla’s taste. Black and lacy. **Oh god.**  
  
Maybe you **shouldn’t** have imagined her with them on.  
  
Not, when she’s in your bedroom -half naked.  
  
  
On your way back, you are careful not to ogle her up and down, because that’s totally inappropriate…  
  
  
“Here.”, you hand her a pair of -expensive- Victoria’s Secret underwear (that you probably are never gonna see again, but whatever).  
  
This is for a good cause or something…  
  
And after what she is willing to do for you, you would be more than happy to buy her the whole store, if that will make it all amends.  
  
Currently though she is eyeing the pieces of underwear skeptically and a look of confusion comes across her face.  
  
(Maybe not her taste after all? Or maybe they won’t fit?)  
  
  
“Not your size?”, you ask.  
  
She shakes her head, “No, they are perfect. Uhm…”, she looks up at you and then her eyes travel over your whole body.  
  
You squirm under her gaze and feel a little nervous, before that wicked grin appears on her face.  
  
“I just hadn’t expected _you_ for the type. I appreciate it though. Also the _visuals_.”, and then she walks out of your bedroom like she didn’t just imagine you in them, and leaves you -totally blushing and rolling your eyes and smiling and telling yourself not to smile, because duh she was being inappropriate, and ugh!!!  
  
You really are a helpless case.

 

* * *

  
  
@BelmondeManagement I would strongly advise the media not to make any assumptions about any of my clients, until there is an official press release.  
  
_May 30, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
While you are busy eating breakfast, you quickly go over the ‘issue’.  
  
You both haven’t dared to open up your twitters. Even though you have turned off the notifications, the ones from people that you are following are still coming through.  
  
You are actually anticipating a call from your dad anytime soon. You are surprised that it didn’t happen yet.  
  
  
“What do we tell our agents?”, Carmilla asks you, as she takes a sip of the coffee you made her.  
  
You don’t answer right away, poking at your scrambled egg absentmindedly, trying to come up with the best solution here.  
  
  
“I… We should tell them the truth right? Because things could go awry and we need them to know what the deal here is.”  
  
She rolls her eyes, “What could possibly go wrong?”  
  
“Well for starters, we don’t know what happens in the future relationship-wise… What if you fall for someone and then you have to explain to them the situation with me.”  
  
“I’m sure that **won’t** be a problem.”, she says with a scoff.  
  
You study her for a few seconds, noticing her suddenly stiff posture, before you continue.  
  
“Still, I’d like to let them know that we’re faking this. I mean, maybe not _why_ we are -though I’m sure J.P. would love the reason- but we could say that we wanted to push the show, before the second season comes out?”  
  
“Sure. If you want that…”  
  
Carmilla seems grumpy, but you don’t want to fight, so you shut up about it until both your agents arrive.

 

* * *

  
  
@elizabeth_anne_spielsdorf I always shipped @TheRealLauraHollis and @CarmillaKarnstein, but you people need to turn it down, lol  
  
_May 30, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
The moment Mattie enters your apartment, she gives you a once-over. You never felt comfortable under her gaze.  
She always reminded you of Tyra Banks somehow. So strong, and forceful and with such a work-ethic.  
Also she is like super beautiful and model-like. **Ugh**. And of course intimidating. Very scary.  
  
  
“Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?”, you offer, because you want to be a good host.  
  
“No, thanks darling.”, she has this dazzling smile on and you reciprocate a nervous one.  
  
“J.P.’s already here. Ehhh… Follow me.”, you lead her towards your open living space and she quickly finds a place on the armchair.  
  
God that woman is like pure perfection.  
  
How she lounges there casually, but still upright.  
  
  
“Shall we begin?”, she says, after having turned her phone to silent and giving you both her full attention.  
  
You sit beside Carmilla in your three seater, with J.P. sitting on a chair he ‘stole’ from your dining table.  
  
Carmilla’s right leg is bobbing up and down and you place your left hand on her thigh to stop her.  
She looks at you a little taken aback, but then you indicate her what she was doing, and retreat your hand and she really stops.  
  
You catch Mattie staring at you with a little smirk that fades the moment you look in her direction.  
  
  
“Okay. **What** happened last night?”, J.P. is the one that goes straight to business.  
  
“We went to an award ceremony. Oh, Mattie, did you know that I won the award?.”, Carmilla says in a monotonous tone and you look at her in amusement.  
  
And then you realize. _Holy crapsticks!_ Carmilla won an award and you ruined her evening with your action from last night.  
You have to throw her a party or something. Maybe you will do it this week, while still in LA, with an whole apartment and all to work with.  
  
“I was aware, Carmilla. I keep tabs on my clients, you know.”, Mattie is regarding you with another one of those piercing looks and you just don’t know what to make of it.  
  
  
“They are all waiting for an official statement from you both.”, J.P. leads you into the right direction again.  
  
“We could have guessed.”, Carmilla slowly nods. Do you sense animosity there?  
  
  
“ **And**?”, Mattie’s eyes scan yours and then she looks expectantly at her client.  
  
Carmilla seems to shrink in her position and crosses her arms above her chest, and then she looks to her right, where you are sitting.  
  
Now that expectant look is being directed at you. From all three, actually.  
  
You shift nervously, before clearing your throat.  
  
  
“ **Carmilla and I really are dating.** ”, you totally threw your plan to tell the truth over board.  
  
Whatever. Only two more people you are lying to.  
  
  
And it’s weird that only Carmilla seems to be surprised by your statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think, I just did the tag 'Fake Dating' justice!
> 
> I have pre-written some chapters, but the gap between posting could be bigger as of now.  
> Just a little heads up, 'cause I start my duty as of Monday and I don't know how I manage editing chapters.  
> Pray for me or something that I don't kill any patients (it would be horrible considering they serve for my home country).


	9. Surprisingly, Unsurprising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did I mess up?”

_**Earlier this year:**_  
  
  
“I’m really happy to have you here, for our first table read for the new season! Let’s all go get some coffee and doughnuts, and then dive right in -when the few that are missing join us- shall we?”, LaFontaine cocked their head towards the food cart.  
  
Laura stayed in her seat, checking some things on her phone.  
  
She just had wrapped shooting for a movie a month ago -which was in post production now- leaving her schedule a little hectic, because she had to yet do some voice-overs on some scenes.  
  
  
“Laura…”, that familiar voice rang in her ears, and she looked up to be met with dark eyes.  
  
The blonde stood and they both leaned in to kiss each others cheeks.  
  
“Hey.”, she responded breathlessly.  
  
Both smiled at each other, everyone could tell that they were happy to see one another.  
  
Laura was feeling good. She had worked on getting her little infatuation with Carmilla out of her system -mostly. It had helped that she read all those tweets about her co-star having one girl after the other around. The blonde was keen on being friends with Carmilla now. And just that. Not to let other feelings come across.  
  
  
“How are you? It feels like an eternity since we talked.”, the brunette said, after taking the seat beside the former teen star.  
  
“I’ve kept busy. You know, work and all that.”  
  
“I read that. The cast announcement for the movie you made was impressive. You really are aiming for the big screens now, hmn?”  
  
Laura shrugged, “What have you been up to? I haven’t read any headlines about your _‘escapades’_ lately.”  
  
The moment she said the sentence, she wanted to take it back.  
  
Carmilla’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “Wow. Ouch.”  
  
“I was joking.”, the blonde rolled her eyes and kept a playful tone, although initially she did mean it.  
  
“Yeah… Uh I’m staying off the radar for now.”  
  
Laura hummed and gave the scripts in front of her all the attention.  
  
The dark haired actress observed Laura in her doings. Something seemed off to her.  
  
It had been weird ever since last July, when they had their first on-screen kiss, but Carmilla had hoped that time would make it better.    
  
  
She missed her being… _Laura_.  
  
What had changed?  
  
And when?

 

* * *

  
  
“I thought you didn’t want to lie to them?”, Carmilla asks you once you two are alone again.  
  
“I know, I kind of am a little spontaneous? But you were right. Why do they need to know?”, she frowns at you, but there is nothing else, “What did Mattie mean, when she said, she _wasn’t_ surprised?”, you ask her instead of saying sorry for the umpteenth time.  
  
It’s a little after noon and you both are finally going through the myriad amounts of tweets directed at you.  
  
You even found out that #HollsteinKiss was trending last night for hours.  
  
(And maybe you have saved some gifs of you both kissing onto your phone.)  
  
  
“I wouldn’t know.”, Carmilla shrugs.  
  
“Did she think…? That we were pretending to not date, but secretly we were and then pretended to date, but actually- Okay this is totally confusing!”  
  
Judging by the look on her face, you can guess that she is confused too.  
  
  
“Anyways… Uhm… I was thinking…”, you start.  
  
Carmilla, who has been mostly on her phone all this time since your agents left you alone, directs her stare at you.  
  
“Thinking?”  
  
“That you won something last night.”  
  
“You mean, _you kissing me?_ Oh yeah, I truly did Cupcake.”  
  
  
You twist your face in irritation. You hate all those sugary nicknames (okay, except for Creampuff- that’s totally cool with you).  
  
Those things are for eating -which you are totally **not** \- WELL- You shake your head at your own thoughts.  
  
  
“No, Carmilla, I was referring to that award that honored you as an actress.”  
  
She waves it off, “Oh yeah. But somehow the other thing’s much more… _Protruding_.”  
  
“Well, but I thought we could celebrate that with a few friends? Here?”  
  
  
Carmilla is clearly surprised, “You wanna throw me a party?”  
  
“Yeah. To make up for taking up all the attention that I caused…”, you pause, before you add, “And of course, because you deserve it.”  
  
“I’d really like that. But I actually rather just celebrate it with you… Don’t get me wrong, I like everyone and all, but they all can get a little too much and now that we kind of _are dating_ they would just bombard us with questions.”  
  
“Oh. If you want that, sure. Alone is super cool too. Maybe dinner on Sunday? I’ll cook.”  
  
“Well obviously I would love to celebrate with ** _just my girlfriend_**... Sunday. It’s a date.”, she responds with a small smirk and you find that she is enjoying saying _that word_ a little too much.  
  
It’s that one smirk, where her lips curl upwards just slightly, so that usual people normally miss it, but you know her fairly well by now.  
  
  
And those little things are after all the reason for why you fell for your co-star in the first place.

 

* * *

  
  
@summersoc posted a photo: Carmilla Karnstein seen leaving Laura Hollis’ apartment this afternoon. We need absolute confirmation!  
  
_May 30, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
You are sitting in a pretty sterile room with Carmilla’s hand in your lap, playing with both of yours. You cannot believe that you both agreed to do this, because currently you are at the headquarters of Silas Glam Magazine.  
  
Mattie set this up. She thought it would be good to come out with your news in your terms, which was great and all, and you agreed to that, but she didn’t mention that you two would have to do a couple shooting after this interview that you’re about to give.  
  
  
_‘Darling, you do know that this will be an extra bonus for this month’s pay check, don’t you?’_  
  
  
Quite frankly, you couldn’t care less about the money some celebrity rag is going to pay you, so that you come forth with your story exclusively to them (even though it’s a number with six digits), to lay it out to the world, but you do it to appease _Miss Belmonde_ , because you still are very much intimidated by her.  
  
  
  
“How long have you been together?”, the interviewer asks you.  
  
She seems nice enough. You always were interviewed by men, whenever you did something with that magazine, so it’s a good change.  
  
You and Carmilla have gone over the specifics to your _relationship_ via skype the night before. Every prissy little detail.  
  
  
  
“We have been together for a little more than two months now. Ever since we started shooting the second season. Right when the rumors about us got intensified actually. That was also the reason for us to keep it private. We are what you would call a high risk couple, because people have been following us for a while now, and everyone’s been waiting for this to happen, and we wanted to be sure what it was between us, before coming forward with it.”, you answer calmly.  
  
Carmilla looks at you and adds, “It was exactly the 3rd of April, when it clicked. I mean, I’ve liked her for quite some time now, but she finally said yes to a date with me on the day we had our first kiss in a scene for episode 1 of season 2.”  
  
You frown at her. You did not talk about this particular information.  
  
“What?”, your co-star asks with an amused expression, when she sees your confusion.  
  
“You **did not** like me all this time.”  
  
Carmilla exhales sharply, “Oh, but _I_ did.”  
  
  
You remember that you two aren’t alone, plus this is an act anyways, so you regard your interviewer with your attention again.  
  
She smiles at you both, and then moves on to the next question.  
  
  
“What made you change your mind, Laura?”  
  
You scoff, “It isn’t true! Carmilla **did not** like me for that long, I assure you. And her wooing techniques aren’t that good either.”, you need to come up with a fake story now (thanks, Carmilla), “But I started seeing _her_. Underneath all that strong exterior, under all that broody coolness I saw **her**. And I fell for that.”, you say and glance at Carmilla.  
  
“What did you see?”, she whispers.  
  
And for a moment you think she is meaning the question, but then you remember that she likes to bring you into difficult situations. She is probably testing out your improv skills.  
  
“I saw _you_. I see the real _you_. You’re not so smooth, as you think you are. Underneath you are insecure. The arrogance that some people see in you is only a facade. And that’s exactly what I find so endearing about you.”  
  
It’s nothing but the truth, and she seems to be impressed by your answer and a little surprised about it too.  
  
  
  
The rest of the interview goes pretty well. The questions are mostly what you both discussed, with Carmilla throwing in some details spun out in her head to make it more believable.  
  
She’s so full of surprises sometimes. And if you didn’t know better, you would almost say that Carmilla has a serious romantic streak in her.  
  
  
  
But you are not _that_ blind. You are not _that_ obsessed with her.

 

* * *

  
  
There’s a loud knock on your door. You are not expecting any visitors.  
  
It’s the day of the date - _or whatever_ \- you have planned with Carmilla at your home.  
  
When you open your door, a furious man stands in front of you.  
  
  
The same one that you so fondly call dad.  
  
  
“We need to talk.”, his tone is calm, but you know your father.  
  
And you know exactly why he’s here. It’s funny, that it took him exactly one week.  
  
You open your door wider for him to come in and then pass him wordlessly and slip into your kitchen. He follows you of course.  
  
  
“Do you want anything to drink?”, you ask him out of courtesy, and _you know_ … Because he’s your father.  
  
The caterers have delivered the food you ordered and now your kitchen is a bit disorganized. He catches onto that.  
  
  
“What is all of this?”, your dad gestures around him.  
  
“I’m having Carmilla over tonight, because she won the award for best female lead, and I thought it would be nice to celebrate that. And as you know, my cooking is not first class, so I had a catering firm deliver me stuff that I just need to warm up.”  
  
  
“Carmilla your girlfriend.”  
  
  
You look up from the dishwasher, where you were busy stacking in dirty dishes, and sigh.  
  
  
“Yes, Carmilla, my girlfriend.”, it tingles in your whole body to say that sentence. The good kind of tingly.  
  
  
“How long has this been going on?”  
  
Surprised you answer, “A few months now.”  
  
“A few- We just met some weeks ago, and I asked you and you lied to my face?”  
  
“I knew that you wouldn’t approve. And we weren’t official yet.”  
  
“Yeah, don’t worry, I saw how _official_ you were. Someone showed me the pictures while I was shooting in Thailand. Can you imagine how it feels, to hear of something of this importance in my own daughter’s life from someone else?”  
  
You close your eyes and groan, “I would have told you. I wanted to wait, until you come back.”  
  
  
He shakes his head, but then his face softens.  
  
  
“Is she at least taking good care of you?”  
  
You frown, because that’s not exactly what you expected. You welcome that though.  
  
  
“Yeah... Carmilla’s very sweet and uhm she makes me happy.”  
  
He sighs this time, scratching his scalp, “And when do I get to meet her?”  
  
Okay, woah there.  
  
“You want to meet her?”  
  
“I need to assess for myself if I like her or not.”, your dad answers you, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  
  
“Just some weeks ago you were going on about her reputation and that she would only taint our name or something and now you wanna meet her?”, you sound very, very skeptical.  
  
He tilts his head in this familiar way. The way he spoke to you when you were ten and were about to go away from home for three months for a role.  
  
“Ever since that day you haven’t kept in touch with me. Usually you call once a week. And I guess I knew by then already that you were involved with Carmilla and that me talking like that about someone you like wasn’t the best thing. And I always taught you to give people the benefit of the doubt, and then didn’t do it myself. So yes, I want to meet the famous Carmilla Karnstein everyone’s been raving about. I need to see what you see in her.”  
  
  
“Come to dinner tonight.”, it leaves your mouth much too quickly.  
  
  
“I’d love to.”  
  
Oh god, and he just accepted.  
  
Damnit, Carmilla’s going to kill you, when she finds out.

 

* * *

  
  
@silasglam The exclusive story of Hollstein in our latest issue, out tomorrow Monday, June 6!  
  
_June 5, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla is pretty punctual. When she wants to be. Apparently.  
  
You just finished putting the little hors d’œuvres on a platter, when the doorbell indicates that someone is here.  
  
You told your father to come by at 7.30 and Carmilla to get to your place at 7, so that could only mean one thing.  
  
  
  
“Uh… Hey! You’re early.”, you greet her.  
  
“You told me to be here at seven, so I got here by 6.50. It is the polite thing to do. **Hey.** ”  
  
She is carrying two boxes, but still manages to place a lingering kiss on your cheek, when she enters your apartment.  
  
  
You both get to the dining room, after Carmilla has shed her coat, and she sets down the boxes right in front of you, urging you to open them.  
  
  
“Cupcakes.”, you smile, when opening the first one.  
  
“And the best handmade cookies in all of LA, I swear.”, she opens the other box and lets you peek into it, but swatting away your hand, when you try to reach one.  
  
“Dinner first, desserts later.”  
  
“You’re soooo mean.”, you pout and for a brief moment you both smile at each other and there is something in the air.  
  
  
“I need to tell you something.”, you change the subject, before you get too enraptured by her eyes.  
  
  
Her gaze drops to the boxes in front of her and you silently hand over some dishes that were lying nearby on the table to arrange the sweet snacks on.  
  
She starts her work right away without questions.  
  
It’s like you two are a trained team. In sync.  
  
Your eyes linger on her lips, when she licks off a little bit of icing that landed on her finger.  
  
Carmilla catches you staring and you quickly clear your throat and direct your full attention to the cookies in front of you.  
  
  
“What did you need to tell me?”, she asks.  
  
“Uhm. Okay. I may have done something and I understand that you will be super mad and-”  
  
“ **What did you do?** ”  
  
“I might have invited my dad…? And he kinda said yes? Because he was here earlier, and he heard about you and I dating- And now he wants to meet you.”, you don’t dare to look into her eyes.  
  
  
“What?”, her voice sounds small and then when you finally lock gazes, you see her shaking her head, “No. Laura, I **don’t** do parents. He will hate me. I’m horrible. With dads especially.”  
  
You frown, “Uhm, he really is not _that_ big of a deal.”  
  
“Your dad’s a _famous film star_ , and… _You know_ … **Your dad**. He **is** a big deal.”  
  
Carmilla is cute, when she looks nervous.  
  
You walk around the table and place your hands on her shoulders, “He will adore you. Just be… _You_. When you’re not trying to gross me out with your nasty flirtation techniques. Plus, it’s fake anyway. You don’t necessarily have to make him like you.”  
  
Her eyes grow wide and she looks somewhat offended, “What? No I certainly do not know any _nasty flirtation techniques_ , and also I’m meeting your father for the first time. This is a big deal. He does have to like me.”, it seems very important to her. You just don’t understand it.  
  
You hum and slap her arm lightly, “You better not screw it up then.”

 

* * *

  
  
@CarmillaKarnstein posted a photo: We felt like we owed it to our fans. Hereby @TheRealLauraHollis and I would like to confirm that we indeed are in a romantic relationship. _  
  
_June 5, 2016__

 

* * *

  
  
When the doorbell indicates that your father has arrived, Carmilla throws you a horrified expression. You give her an encouraging smile and make your way towards the door with her.  
  
She smoothes out the front of her dress, even though there are no creases in the fabric and nods faintly. You buzz in your dad and take her hand and intertwine your fingers with hers and soon enough you see your parent walking in your direction.  
  
  
“He’ll hate me.”, she whispers towards you, and you nudge her slightly.  
  
“Just be yourself.”, you say and kiss her cheek, before your father is fully standing in front of you two with a huge flower bouquet in his left hand.  
  
  
“Hey dad.”, you lean in to hug him, careful not to harm the flowers.  
  
“Hey Laur.”, he responds and then he regards your ~~girl~~ _fake girlfriend_ with a polite smile and extends the hand which is not holding the floral arrangement, “Carmilla, right?”, he asks her.  
  
“Yes, sir. Pleasure to meet you.”, your co-star extends her hand to shake your father’s, and then he finally comes in.  
  
It's weird. You didn’t do the traditional _meet my girlfriend_ phrase, but it’s fine this way.  
  
  
“Those are for you. On your win.”, your parent gives Carmilla the flowers and she is a little surprised.  
  
It’s cute.  
  
“Thank you. They are beautiful, sir.”  
  
**_Sir._**  
  
You turn your head and frown at her, because she’s being too uptight.  
  
Your father walks right into your living room and makes himself comfortable, pouring himself a drink, while you share a moment with Carmilla in private.  
  
  
“Are you okay?”, you ask her in a whisper.  
  
She shrugs, “I don’t know. Did I mess up?”  
  
Carmilla is so, so adorable like this.  
  
  
You giggle, “ **No, you’re perfect.** ”

 

* * *

  
  
@corvaemag Agnes Forrester to play her own daughter’s mother in the series Afterlife was confirmed three weeks ago! What a nice family dynamic on display for the world to see! Sources say she doesn’t approve of Laura’s girlfriend and co-star Carmilla.  
  
_June 5, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
You left Carmilla and your dad alone in the living room with the appetizers, to prepare the main course (you have made sure that Carmilla doesn’t enter the kitchen, before you have everything ready). Now you hope that everything is going smoothly over there.  
  
  
“Honey, can you come help me with the plates?”, you call for your co-star in this little act you both have set up.  
  
You hear your father laughing and saying, “Something tells me she didn’t mean me.”, and you’re relieved that the atmosphere is a light one between them apparently.  
  
  
“The sugary nicknames are my thing.”, she husks into your ear, before passing you by the fridge, when she walks into your kitchen, and then you see her balancing three -individual- plates on her arms, leaving you with a bottle of champagne in your hand that you just have retrieved from the fridge.  
  
  
You try to regain your composure, after having lost your cool at her voice (sending shivers down your spine) and throw her a confused glance.  
  
Carmilla chuckles, “Have been a waitress, practically all my life, remember? I’m probably more talented in this than acting.”  
  
When you both get to the dining room -that is separated from the living room through a slide door- you respond, “The award you won proves otherwise.”  
  
Carmilla is still very modest about it. Her only answer to that is a small smile.  
  
You open the door and gesture your father to come in, and tell him to sit on his designated seat and both you and Carmilla sit opposite to him. Your father immediately fumbles with the cork securing the champagne bottle and throws you an approving grin.  
  
  
“I taught you well. This is some good stuff you have here, Laur. Good taste. _Very_ good taste.”, he chuckles and looks at Carmilla. You smile at him. He seems to like her.  
  
  
Dinner goes well, you mostly ask your dad about the movie he is currently shooting with other notable stars and Carmilla talks about the series you both star in. He admits to not having watched all the episodes yet, but you know that he is aware of the on-screen romance between you two. Which he also mentions.  
  
  
“Did you fall in love with her before or after your character fell for hers?”, he grins broadly and you regard your co-star with a look.  
  
“I was in love with her for a long time, before I finally picked up the courage to tell her so.”, Carmilla admits and gives you a small smile.  
  
You roll your eyes, “Oh, so you keep on telling _that_ story.”  
  
“You mean the **truth**?”, Carmilla smirks at you innocently and you just love the way she cocks her left eyebrow at you and then resumes to eating again.  
  
It’s challenging. And playful. And light.  
  
Everything’s easy with her.  
  
  
“Laura, have you emptied the bakery down the street again?”, your father asks you -gesturing to the sweets on the table- once you come back from disposing the used dishes on your kitchen counter (you can deal with that later).  
  
“Actually Carmilla got the dessert -which I totally told her not to, because I had so much food delivered.”  
  
Oh shoot.  
  
Carmilla looks at you with that risen eyebrow, “I thought I was coming for a nice home cooked meal?”  
  
“How long have you kept her in the dark?”, your father inquires, and then averts his eyes to Carmilla, “My daughter would even burn a soup. Believe me, you’re better off that way. She once tried to poison me.”  
  
“Oh really?”, Carmilla says in this deep, gravelly voice that makes you feel faint.  
  
God, why does she do that to you?  
  
You are actually a little offended by your dad’s comment, “It was only _one_ time! I didn’t know that nutmeg was poisonous!”  
  
“I was lucky that I helped you in the kitchen that day. You would have killed us probably.”  
  
Ugh. He is so annoying. You cross your hands in front of your chest and groan.  
  
“Oh come on, don’t be so grumpy. Even though I find it utterly cute, when you are…”, Carmilla drives her hand through your hair and you look at her and throw her an unimpressed glare. She smiles at you lovingly -she really is good with keeping up the act.  
  
  
“I think, I should get going. I won’t get down dessert anymore.”, your dad suddenly announces and stands up slowly.  
  
“Oh… Okay. Uhm… Are you sure you don’t want another drink?”  
  
He shakes his head and has a gentle smile on his lips, “I drove here, dearest. I don’t need to get another ticket.”  
  
“It’s still good to know that the police don’t just turn a blind eye to that, just because you’re a famous film star.”, you both arise, and slowly walk to your front door with him.  
  
  
“Mhm… Good night. You two eat a cupcake for me.”, he says.  
  
“Oh yes, _I_ will.”, Carmilla assures him and you swear you saw a dirty grin on her face.  
  
_Ugh._  
  
“Get home safe, dad.”, you lean in to hug him and then he does the same to Carmilla, who is taken by surprise.  
  
“Yeah- Uh, Mr. Hollis, it was an absolute pleasure meeting you.”  
  
“The pleasure was all mine.”, he gets out his wallet and takes out a business card, “Here. You should have my number, just in case.”  
  
“Oh.”, is the only noise that escapes your co-star’s -usually- eloquent self.  
  
  
After you have closed the door behind yourself, she exhales deeply. It sounds like a sigh of relief.  
  
  
“You did awesome.”, you tell her.  
  
“Yeah? Do you think he liked me?”  
  
“He **loved** you, Carmilla.”, you assure her once again, because he really did.  
  
You know your dad. He has a hard time accepting new people, especially when it comes to his only daughter. Especially dating-wise.  
  
  
“Yeah? I didn’t blow anything?”  
  
God, how can she be _that_ sexy, and yet so insecure at the same time?  
  
“You did _great_. And now, come. Let’s have some coffee with dessert.”  
  
You are not sure, if coffee at 10pm is a good idea, but she doesn’t object, so you go with it.  
  
  
Carmilla doesn’t tell you what your dad and her talked about, when you left them alone, but assures you that she liked him.  
  
It’s surprising. Your dad can be intimidating sometimes.  
  
And the way Carmilla was all nervous and jittery, you actually anticipated for a disaster to happen, but everything went great.  
  
  
  
When it’s around 12, her eyes drop to the clock on your TV-receiver and she gasps.  
  
“Is it so late already??”  
  
You too are surprised that time flew away so quickly. It’s like that with her, you conclude, because you enjoy her presence.  
  
“I should get going. I need to be at Mattie’s office tomorrow for some bullshit contract.”  
  
“Right. We’ll see each other back in Vancouver right?”  
  
She nods faintly and you both make your way to your front door.  
  
She puts on her coat and then leans in and kisses you on your lips -as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  
  
And for you it is, until you realize that you two aren’t really together.  
  
Carmilla does too, as her eyes grow wide at what she just did, “I- That was a reflex- I’m sorry!”  
  
You shake your head and laugh nervously, “Oh yeah- No totally! Why would you even... Yeah. Don’t worry about it!”

She leans in again, and wants to place one on your cheek, but you move again and then she moves and you both end up in simply hugging each other.

When you have her in your embrace you roll your eyes at yourself for how dumb this situation is.  
  
  
“Goodnight, Laura.”, she exhales, before nodding to herself and exiting your apartment.  
  
  
After she is out of your sight, you feel your lips with your fingertips, where she just placed a feather light kiss some minutes ago.  
  
  
And you hate yourself for not being courageous enough to tell her.


	10. Personal Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s the thing, Laura. It’s always me. Me. Me. Me.”

**_Earlier this year:_**  
  
  
The two lead actresses just had finished their scene, and were released for the rest the day, because there were some night shots scheduled (that went on for as long as it stayed dark outside).  
  
Carmilla and Laura agreed on running lines over lunch and then heading to their hotel rooms to get some sleep before the filming would start again. Both were eating, and occasionally reading a scene together, when a whole other conversation started to take place.  
  
  
“How was your day with your father?”, Carmilla asked out of curiosity.  
  
“We went out eating. Not so exciting.”  
  
The dark haired woman shrugged, “It sounds pretty nice to me.”  
  
The celebrity just then remembered that Carmilla never had a real father figure. The blonde probably sounded like she didn’t value it enough, though she did. Laura loved her dad. He was her everything, even though sometimes overbearing and not that much of a good parent. He was a lot better than her mother and surely a lot better than not having anyone at all.  
  
“We talked a lot about work.”, the blonde further elaborated.  
  
Actually Laura and her father mostly had talked about the blonde’s co-star, which she of course couldn’t say. Mostly it was her father telling her that he wouldn’t be okay with her dating Carmilla, and frankly spoken Laura was a little hurt by that. Her parent was right though, she found. Carmilla did seem like someone who wouldn’t fit into her life style.  
  
The brunette was bored with someone pretty soon, whereas Laura -as plain, as she was- craved for true romance. Someone, who she could be with for longer than some steamy hook ups. However the other thing didn’t add up to Laura. So she had to ask.  
  
  
“Why did Ell and you break up, Carmilla?”  
  
  
The dark haired woman looked up from her grilled cheese sandwich and swallowed, before wiping her hands on a napkin and taking a sip of water.  
  
  
“Why do you wanna know?”, she finally spoke.  
  
“I don’t know… It was just so sudden. One minute you introduced me to her and then the next you were all over the news with a lot of other people and I just want to understand. You two were together for a long time. What changed?”  
  
_Why did you change?_ Was her actual question that she didn’t want to ask.  
  
“We just didn’t work out. It’s as simple as that. She said some things that I thought weren’t true, but then it turned out they were… But it was too late then.”  
  
“Too late to fix the relationship with her?”  
  
“Something like that.”, the brunette nodded, though that wasn’t what she meant. It was safer that way.  
  
“Did you cheat?”, Laura wanted to know. That made Carmilla attentive.  
  
“No. Why would you think that? I never cheated on anyone.”  
  
Laura shook her head, “Sorry, it’s none of my business actually…”  
  
Carmilla quirked up an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything in return.  
  
  
And it was left at that.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:  
_  
  
You get to set fairly early. Carmilla wanted to run some lines before doing a scene later on with your mother. You’re so not looking forward to those scenes. There are only a few left with solely Carmilla, because most of them contain some sort of action scene with countless others or her ‘brother’.  
  
  
“Hey.”, your beautiful co-star greets you with a smile and leans in to kiss your cheek.  
  
“Hey. How was New York?”, you want to know.  
  
“A pain in the ass. I don’t get how Mattie can live there. How was the rest of the time for you in LA?”  
  
You forget that Carmilla is from some village in Colorado -the polar opposite to you, the city-loving freak you are (as long as it is not LA).  
  
“Okay... Didn’t do much.”, you shrug.  
  
Carmilla frowns at you and places her hand on your waist (you doing the same to her) and you walk together to your trailer.  
  
  
“Is something wrong?”, she asks, once you both stand in front of your trailer awkwardly. You don’t know, why you don’t just go in, but Carmilla seems content in just standing there, letting go of you in the process, because you go stand opposite to her, so that you can talk to her better.  
  
“Nooo. Just not looking forward to working with my mother.”, you explain and she nods understandingly.  
  
“I know, but just three more weeks until we wrap this season. And we only have seven scenes with her.”  
  
“But she’s here all the time ‘to get to know the people and the set’… Bullshit. More like to spy on her own daughter… Plus don’t forget, I have two scenes with her alone.”, you groan, and realize Carmilla isn’t really looking at you anymore, which irritates you a bit, but before you can follow her line of sight, she steps forwards, and into your personal space.  
  
Suddenly you feel like you can’t breathe, because you might faint just by the divine smell of her perfume, or the way her hair tickles against your face, when it sways in the wind, or the way her warmth radiates off her body. Carmilla is a very warm person. Both physically and mentally.  
  
However, you don’t get her sudden need to be so close to you, so you frown at her, but she just smiles and places her arm on the wall behind you, so that she is propped up against it, and her body is almost melting together with yours.  
  
_God._  
  
  
“Just play along.”, she smiles at you, and laughs, as if you just told her a joke and you can’t help but smile at her -albeit skeptically- because her laughter contains so much joy.  
  
Even though it is fake, you can’t help but feel the skip in your heart’s rhythm, when you hear her.  
  
  
“What’s up?”, you ask breathlessly, because yeah, she leaves you breathless.  
  
“I’m pretty sure your mother is watching us right now. I saw her in my peripheral vision and thought you’d wanna keep up the act?”  
  
Oh, she is good in that whole fake dating thing. You probably should have talked to her, how you were going to do this, but you like improvising with her anyways.  
  
“Do you think she’s still watching us?”, you ask, and smile too, because no one’s ought to know that you two aren’t really into each other.  
  
No one is supposed to know that Carmilla **isn’t** into you.  
  
Your co-star gets closer with her face and her eyes drop to your lips as she hums.  
  
Apparently you have grown to be ballsy and sling your arms around Carmilla’s neck and just stare into her dark eyes.  
  
  
  
The moment is ruined, when LaFontaine walks past you and throws you a knowing grin.  
  
“You two are here early…”, they remark and Carmilla backs away a bit, her hand still planted beside you on the wall though.  
  
“We were gonna run some lines.”  
  
“Run some lines… Sure.”, your producer mocks and walks away finally and into the general vicinity of where your mother supposedly is standing. And yup, you see her staring in your direction.  
  
She is not pleased.  
  
  
  
“Wanna do what we were intending to do?”, you chuckle and take the hand touching the wall beside you, into yours and try leading her into the trailer, but she stops you and spins you around and starts kissing you passionately.  
  
Or that’s what you will say later on, because damn her mouth is demanding against yours, but your legs are threatening to give away any minute, so you shove her away gently, breathing in deeply, before this gets heated and you hate yourself a little for wanting more of it. For wanting it to be real.  
  
Her look is apologetic, Carmilla probably thinks she just overstepped, so you make it up to her, when placing a much more chaste kiss on her lips, before finally leading her into the trailer.  
  
  
  
“Sorry, I thought it would be more believable, if-”, is the first thing she says, once you’re safely inside.  
  
“No, no, don’t apologize. You were- That was- I was just a little taken by surprise, but it was very convincing. You almost sold me even!”, you chuckle and she visibly relaxes, “You don’t have to worry about that, okay? I kind of dragged you into this. You can do whatever you want, when it comes to that- Uh, well everything first base, because we don’t wanna be inappropriate in the public.”  
  
“So behind closed doors I’m allowed to go further?”, Carmilla asks with a huge grin and you roll your eyes at her.  
  
  
“Mhm, ask me on a date first, Karnstein.”  
  
She apparently wasn’t expecting that, and stares at you with wide eyes.  
  
You feel a little proud of that.  
  
  
The majority of the time you spend in the trailer, you run lines, and in-between scenes you both talk about how you are gonna manage the whole fake dating thing. She says it would be best, if you both act being together all the time, which is a given, because you need to keep the naturalness of your relationship.

 

* * *

  
  
@TheRealLauraHollis posted a photo: She bought me cookies. Too many cookies. - with: @CarmillaKarnstein  
  
_June 8, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla and your mother are in the scene together that you just left and you hear them have a conversation about your character. You listen in, and it feels like your mother would probably say the same things in real life too.  
  
  
“I want you to stay out of my daughter’s life.”  
  
“You can’t make me.”  
  
“Oh, but Miss Woodsbury, I can. I will not watch my daughter get sucked into the darkness that is _you_.”  
  
“Mhm…”, Carmilla’s voice makes you shiver, and she drops her voice to a whisper, “But then you should know not to meddle with darkness.”  
  
“Are you threatening me?”  
  
“I’m merely saying that _Laura_ \- **Fuck!** Sorry!”, Carmilla never messes up things like that.  
  
“It’s okay, _Sarah_ come in again please. Let’s go back to the start. I need you guys to fix the window.”, your director says to the crew, and they work around you.  
  
You settle yourself beside your co-star (the one you don’t hate) again.  
  
  
“Are you okay?”, you chuckle in her direction, “You only confused my real name at the very beginning.”  
  
“It’s a very unprofessional thing to do.”, you hear your mother’s voice behind you and you choose to ignore her. Carmilla apparently can’t. She huffs out.  
  
  
“Carmilla, it was just a tiny mistake. I mess up all the time and they still let me act. We’re not supposed to be perfect, y’know?”, that seems to get to her. A little bit at least.  
  
Carmilla is a perfectionist and makes it hard on herself.  
  
You reach out and intertwine your fingers with hers and you hear a disapproving grunt behind yourself. You can only roll your eyes.  
  
  
“Do you have anything to say?”, Carmilla challenges your mother and you are conflicted, because on one hand you totally want Carmilla to stand up for you/herself and then on the other hand you rather would just go home as quickly as possible -without drama on set.  
  
  
“I would have a lot to say, actually.”, your mother counters.  
  
Carmilla stands up, “Oh really? Let’s hear.”  
  
Okay no. You totally have to stop this.  
  
You rise up too and place a hand on her chest, grazing her protruding collar bone with your index.  
  
“Please don’t.”, you ask of her and she looks down at you. Contemplative.  
  
  
“I’ll go get some air.”  
  
“Carmilla…”  
  
“I’ll be right back.”, she assures you and gives you a small smile.  
  
  
“Thanks for that a lot.”, you bite out once your mother and you are alone.  
  
  
Fortunately the crew is working on some modifications on the set, because they aren’t really listening in. Except for your director, who hears you talking on his headphones. You wish you could turn off your mikes.  
  
  
“I’m not responsible for her temper.”, your mother responds in that fake sweet voice.  
  
“Just please shut up. And don’t talk to me or her outside of the scenes.”  
  
“Laura, I didn’t raise you to be like this.”  
  
“You didn’t raise me at all.”, is what you manage and that really shuts her up.  
  
  
At least for the rest of the day.  
  
When the scene is in the can you give Carmilla an assuring hug and tell her she did great.  
  
She holds onto you tightly, and you know you like the fact that she needs you like that a lot. Too much even.

 

* * *

  
  
@silasglam Have you already grabbed a copy of this week’s Silas Glam Mag? Hollstein Exclusive!  
  
_June 9, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
“We look absolutely great, look at those pictures! They are even better than the ones we did for last year’s promo shooting and cover shooting for Afterlife!”  
  
You really are surprised. You hadn’t found the time to get a copy of the magazine, and on your way to the set this morning you grabbed one at the news stand down the street from where you shoot.  
  
“Yeah. We look good together, don’t we?”, Carmilla agrees and continues reading the interview on you both.  
  
“We really do.”, you watch her read and smile to yourself, because concentration looks good on her.  
  
  
  
“I hope my mom’s not a bitch again today.”  
  
“Thanks, by the way.”, she says, going through the script in front of her, “For yesterday. With her. I mean, I can’t imagine how it was for you growing up.”  
  
You shrug, because you know that Carmilla’s childhood wasn’t so peachy either, but you never pressed on that matter. It suffices to know that she was shoved around from one place to another in her early teens and that her last adoptive mother wasn’t what one would call loving. Her exact words. You don’t know what that means, but you can guess that it was worse than what you had to endure.  
  
“You’re important to me. And I care for you. I care, when you’re not doing okay and I care for your happiness. You know those things, right?”, you ask her and stare in her direction, waiting for her to look at you, to register that what you are saying is important.  
  
Carmilla stills in her reading, you see that much, and then regards you with eye-contact, “Is it important for you that I know?”  
  
“Yes, of course.”  
  
She nods slowly, clearly not having anticipated that answer. You two resume to running lines, and you can’t help but feel like you traveled back in time.  
  
Back to that time where you were still hoping there was something between you two.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries posted a photo: We don’t know which ship is cuter, **#Alrah** or **#Hollstein?** with: @CarmillaKarnstein, @TheRealLauraHollis  
  
_June 9, 2016_  
  
  
@ CarmillaKarnstein @AfterlifeSeries @TheRealLauraHollis **#Hollstein** of course!  
  
_June 9, 2016_  
  
  
@ TheRealLauraHollis @CarmillaKarnstein @AfterlifeSeries **#Alrah** is still a bad shipname in my opinion.  
  
_June 9, 2016_  
  
  
@ CarmillaKarnstein @TheRealLauraHollis @AfterlifeSeries **#Hollstein** is always the best option.  
  
_June 9, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
“Will I see you at the CAP gala tonight?”, LaFontaine asks you while you are busy eating lunch with Carmilla.  
  
“Oh yeah. I’ll be there.”  
  
“You too?”, they ask Carmilla, who shakes her head with a disapproving mien.  
  
Those things aren’t really her cup of tea.  
  
“You’re letting your girl go to an event, where her ex is going to be?”, LaF laughs, “No jealousy?”  
  
“What do they mean, ex?”, your co-star looks at you expectantly and LaFontaine vanishes with an apologetic smile in your direction.  
  
Not that you have to care… Because Hollstein is fake anyways.  
  
  
“Danny’s gonna be there. She’s nominated for an Canadian Actor’s Prize.”, you explain to her.  
  
  
“Do you want me to go with you?”, she suddenly asks you and you have to swallow down your food, before regarding her with a questioning look.  
  
“You don’t have to. There are gonna be enough people that I know.”  
  
“Yeah sure… That tall redhead is gonna be there… I don’t wanna intrude anyway…”, she shrugs, and it looks like she is disappointed by your answer.  
  
  
“I mean- I just said, because you didn’t seem to be excited- You just said you didn’t wanna go-”  
  
“I’d go if you wanted me to.”  
  
“I don’t want you to go, because you feel obligated to.”, you explain. Because it really is as simple.  
  
“This is not an obligation, Laura. Just tell me, do _you_ want me to go with you? Would you enjoy my presence? Would you want **me** there?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Okay. Then I’ll be there.”, she gives you a piercing look and you can just nod in agreement.  
  
  
  
_What did just happen?_

 

* * *

  
  
@hollyinsider.net Afterlife actresses, and real life couple Carmilla Karnstein and Laura Hollis rocking the Canadian red carpet with these gorgeous outfits! ( _link_ )  
  
_June 12, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
Your first instinct when you get to the red carpet (it is your first real appearance to a broader public eye post confirming Hollstein), is to interlock your fingers with you co-star’s. Carmilla doesn’t mind, if anything, she makes sure that you don’t leave her side at any moment. She’s always been a bit touchy with you, but ever since you gave her your verbal _‘okay’_ , she does it more obviously and more frequently.  
  
  
“You both look so amazing together! A dream couple.”, the first person to interview you, tells you at the end, and you sense Carmilla’s hand pulling you in closer into her side, than you already are.  
  
  
It’s making you feel all kinds of things. Things that you aren’t supposed to feel. You feel like you belong to her, but you don’t. You would want to. You never thought you’d want to be someone’s _anything_. Even with Danny. You are your own person, but with her you want her to claim you.  
  
And it is all kinds of wrong, because she’s nothing but a good friend of yours, nothing but your co-star.  
  
  
  
Carmilla pulls back your chair for you, and you thank her. It’s weird, playing the part of her girlfriend -or rather have _her_ play _your girlfriend_ , because she really does all the typical things -and even goes beyond.  
  
When she seats herself beside you, you automatically find her hand and she smiles shyly at you for touching her.  
  
And really, it is not your fault that you feel all of those things.  
  
Not, when she is the one looking so beautiful, not when everyone else tells you how gorgeous of a couple you two are.  
  
Why are the things you want the most, always out of your reach?  
  
  
  
It’s a little into the evening, when Danny comes to find you. You hug her, you haven’t seen her in a long time, and actually she still is one of your best friends.  
  
Just because you two didn’t work out as a couple, doesn’t mean you couldn’t go back to being best friends again. That’s what you were since you were twelve.  
  
  
“That’s uh- Danny, this is Carmilla, my- Uhm _co-star_.”  
  
_Really?_  
  
“ **And girlfriend**.”, Carmilla adds, when she takes Danny’s outreached hand, “Pleasure.”, is all she brings out.  
  
You throw Carmilla an approving look, because you thought she would misbehave (you caught onto her dislike for Danny, although you find it a little childish, considering her reasoning was that she didn’t like her character in the show you did together).  
  
“I’ve heard and read.”, Danny nods once and sits beside you.  
  
  
You have your arms on the table, when you talk to your former co-star, while Carmilla’s warm hand is placed on the back of your chair. She casually will find a way to graze her fingers against your bare back, and you shiver and jerk a little every time she does -without her noticing.  
  
  
“I’m getting a drink, do you want something sweetheart?”, Carmilla asks you, while you are busy talking to Danny, and you eye her and shake your head with a smile.  
  
“Thanks Carm, I’m good.”  
  
The nickname sort of slips out. You always use nicknames for people.  
  
Danielle is Danny. LaFontaine is LaF. Melanippe is Mel.  
  
Just with Carmilla you hadn’t dared to go there yet, and you don’t even know, if she likes being called that.  
  
You lock eyes with her again, and there is a slight smile on her face, as she turns around and starts walking towards the bar.  
  
  
**Carm.**  
  
Sounds more personal.  
  
You make a mental note to use it more often.

 

* * *

  
  
@corvaemag @lawrence-danny92 just won a CAP for her role in the film _‘Shadowfall’_.  
  
_June 12, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
“I’m so proud!”, you tell Danny at the event after the gala. Carmilla still hasn’t left your side, but she has been quiet all evening. She has been observing everyone and everything. Her favorite thing to watch were your interactions with Danny.  
  
“Thanks Laur!”  
  
“Yeah. Congrats.”, Carmilla says and gives her a tight lipped smile.  
  
  
“Thanks.”, Danny isn’t dumb. She can sense the vibe, and knows exactly that Carmilla’s not her number one fan, “So uhm, we’ve been talking about me all the time. Tell me guys, how did you two start to date?”  
  
“Uh- Carm tells the story better than I do.”, you giggle.  
  
Your co-star beside you scoffs, “Do I now? Or is it just the fact that I remember those things and you don’t care?”  
  
It’s a much too quick movement of your head, “Excuse me?”  
  
Not that there is something to remember. It’s really not your fault that Carmilla invents that many stories.  
  
“You heard me.”, she says dryly.  
  
“What’s wrong?”, you frown at her and place your hand on top of Carmilla’s, but she retreats.  
  
  
“I- Uh- Saw someone.”, Danny is accommodating enough to leave you both alone.  
  
  
“What’s up?”, you ask in a much more calm voice.  
  
“Why am I here, Laura?”  
  
“Because you wanted to come.”  
  
Her smile is not the warm one you saw earlier, “Right. Because _I_ wanted to.”, she scoffs.  
  
“And because I asked you to.”, you add.  
  
“Did you really want me here?”  
  
“Of course I did! Carm-”  
  
“Was I just here, so you could show me off to her? So you could show me off to the world?”  
  
You have absolutely no idea what she is talking about, but it’s far away from the truth, you know that much.  
  
“I don’t know what you mean. I didn’t show you off! _You_ were the one touching me! You did all those things. **I didn’t.** It wasn’t about me wanting you here, just because there will be pictures of us together or whatever- I didn’t ask you to play the perfect girlfriend today.”  
  
No, she was perfect, because she wanted to be. You didn’t make her do anything.  
  
If anything, it was like she wanted to make sure, everyone knew you were hers, even though- Okay, your brain is really weird.  
  
  
“That’s the thing, Laura. It’s always me. **Me. Me. Me.** You never-”, and she cuts herself off, gets up, and starts to walk away.  
  
You have drawn a little attention on you, and you know that, but you still follow her.  
  
  
“Wait!”, you call after her and when you’re outside of the venue, you catch her hand and spin her around, so she’s facing you again, and drag her to a secluded corner.  
  
  
“For what? I’m so done waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting. And I’m just so fucking stupid to ever want-”, she groans and you just get so infuriated, because she never says what she wants.  
  
“What? Want _what_ , Carmilla?”  
  
  
There is a beat. Your expression must be pleading. You are begging her to tell you what she wants. To tell you what she means.  
  
  
“If this fake-relationship is something you don’t want to do anymore, then tell me. We can break up via twitter or something. Just talk to me. I will do anything for you!”, you voice your inner concern. And simultaneously you want to slap yourself for that last sentence.  
  
  
“God! Do you think that **that** \- Am I _that_ subtle? Or are you just so damn oblivious??”  
  
“What? What are you talking about?”  
  
_Subtle about what?_  
  
  
Carmilla looks furious, and for a moment you don’t know what to do, but then her gaze softens for a bit, and in the next moment all of your emotions are threatening to explode, because she is in your personal space and takes your face into her hands and starts kissing you.  
  
She seriously just claimed your lips with hers, and you can only hum in approval or pleasure or whatever else feeling you are not supposed to have. This is the first time you are kissing her like this and it’s not even for the public eye.  
  
What is happening???  
  
Your brain goes blank. You have enough mind to kiss her back and place your hands on her elbows, to spur her on, but that touch makes her break contact, and take several steps away.  
  
Just then you realize that there was a flash of a single camera and you look away from the source, because you really couldn’t care less about the paps now.  
  
You need to know what that was.  
  
  
But before you can utter any questions, Carmilla is out of your sight.


	11. Truth ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can shut those feelings off, if you need me to-”

@corvaemag posted a photo: We’ll just put this pic from last night out there…  
**#Hollstein** you’re killing us with those new displays of affection at the CAP gala!   **#HollsteinKiss2.0**  
  
_June 13, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
You always loved going to work.  
  
  
This time you don’t. This time you are dreading shooting with Carmilla, because the last time you saw her, everything was so unresolved.  
  
She kissed you and then she vanished. You tried to chase down after her, but you lost her in the masses of people. Carmilla was gone. Poof.  
  
You didn’t even get a text back, for when you asked her what all of that was about. And now it’s only the next day, and you have to see her again.  
  
  
The first time you see her is for a scene you do with Betty and her in _Sarah’s_ bedroom. You all are talking about some plan the gang has made to save the city and you can’t help, but feel the cold shoulder Carmilla is giving you.  
  
She is rigid and stiff in every little movement she does, and you sort of wish you didn’t know her that well. So that you could just ignore this. So that it wouldn’t hurt, because it does. You’re utterly confused. She didn’t even greet you in the morning, when you saw her enter her trailer. And she owes you at least that. If all of your questions go unreplied to, then she at least should be treating you as a human being. But that’s probably just you.  
  
After you wrap that part, you all go off to the break room, where you see Carmilla staring at you, once you enter after her, but you decide that she doesn’t deserve the extra attention you’re giving her. You go sit with Perry and talk about her new lipstick and ask her, if her natural hair color really is red. All things you’re not particularly interested in, because you see _her_ from the corner of your eyes and you know for a fact that _she_ was somehow anticipating and at the same time dreading you to go to her and confront her.  
  
However you don’t give Carmilla that. You don’t give her the satisfaction it would bring her. And maybe you just don’t want to see the dread settle in her.  
  
  
And when LaF asks you what you’re doing without your girlfriend, you tell them that you don’t have to be around her 24/7.

 

* * *

  
  
**_May, 2015: In-Between Shooting_**  
  
  
“Oh come on, your mother can’t compete with mine. My mother **s**. I don’t know what to call them. I don’t even know, if my real mother is dead or alive. Or all the foster moms. They could be dead too. I wouldn’t know.”, Carmilla chuckled, but then frowned at her own words.  
  
The truth of it seeping out.  
  
She had no idea about what had happened to her biological mother.  
  
  
“Talk to me about it.”, Laura reached to fetch the scripts from her co-star’s hands, to get her full attention, and try to make her feel like she meant it, but Carmilla drew them back and raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Nice try, Hollis. Go back to memorizing your lines.”, she cocked her head towards Laura’s pile of scripts.  
  
“Carmilla…”, the blonde gave her opponent a pointed look.  
  
The dark haired actress sighed, “Laura.”  
  
“We’re friends, aren’t we?”  
  
“Yes. Of course.”  
  
“Soooo… You can talk to me.”  
  
  
Laura wanted Carmilla to open up to her. She wanted to get to know her better.  
  
Her feelings aside, Carmilla was interesting as a human being.  
  
She hadn’t met that many co-stars that had this aura surrounding them.  
  
Okay, she hadn’t met one that drew her in, like the brunette could.  
  
  
Carmilla snorted. She didn’t even talk about that topic with her own girlfriend.  
  
How was she supposed to talk about that with someone she met only half a year ago?  
  
She looked up to be met with a pair of patient orbs that belonged to that beautiful, beautiful face.  
  
  
And that was the real reason, why she _couldn’t_ talk about that.  
  
Carmilla would be able to talk about her past with Laura.  
  
But it wouldn’t be fair to the girl waiting back in LA.  
  
  
  
“Concentrate.”, the brunette smiled at her co-star, and Laura finally dropped the subject.  
  
  
“Ok, let’s do the scene in 10 minutes.”, the blonde began to read the script in front of her quietly.  
  
  
And really, all Carmilla could do was to stare at the other woman in awe and amazement.  
  
  
  
How had she ever become so lucky to work with her?

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
  
You just finished filming with your mother -the scenes without Carmilla and Betty (who plays the favorite daughter -funny), and now are currently out spending some time with your colleague, when your parent all of a sudden walks by.  
  
  
“Laura, darling, can I talk to you?”  
  
  
You look up to her and sigh. However you don’t object, and get up from the stairs, where you two have been sitting and wave at Betty, when you pass her while getting into the building.  
  
  
“I enjoyed shooting with you today. You’re really good. You improved since your teenage years. A lot.”, _Agnes_ says with a smile.  
  
You haven’t seen her like this in a long time, and the little girl in you relishes that feeling for a moment too long.  
  
  
“Thank you.”, the reply remains curt, despite the fact that there is so much you would need to say to her.  
  
So many things that you’d like her to know, and then so many things that she missed, while being away and building up a name for her already famous self.  
  
Because leaving was _her_ choice. And thinking about that fact makes all the worries resurface again.  
  
  
“Where is… Miss Karnstein? I haven’t seen her around today.”  
  
It surprises you that she mentions Carmilla, but you just guess it’s because you really are glued to her side all the time.  
  
  
Usually.  
  
Normally.  
  
Generally.  
  
  
Not now anymore apparently, because now the relationship between you two is strained.  
  
Perfect, when you have to film a sex scene with her in a few days from now.  
  
  
“We broke up.”, you frown, “I think?”  
  
  
And you don’t know why you just said that out loud. You wish you hadn’t.  
  
It really does feel like a break up. What the hell, right? Why pretend any longer?  
  
You’re so tired of all of this. You’re tired of pretending. You’re tired of acting everything.  
  
The most sad part is, you’re tired of acting like you don’t feel anything for her, when clearly…  
  
  
“That’s unfortunate.”  
  
  
You don’t know what you expected. And you’re not even sure if your mother hid her relief so badly on purpose, but you hear it clearly. You _suppose_ , because you don’t _know_ anything for sure. You feel numb, because that makes it over. Word will spread fast. Maybe that’s why you told your mother. She will make sure that everyone knows her daughter is not in a same-sex relationship anymore.  
  
  
  
And really, you have tried to wrap your head around the situation. You tried to comprehend.  
  
At first you were so damn happy that Carmilla kissed you (totally out of the blue).  
  
You read countless blogs, and looked at photos, videos and gif sets of you two on tumblr. You read the fan’s theories. Just some months ago you laughed about those. You laughed about people saying Carmilla looked at you like you were her everything.  
  
However you did take a closer look at those photos and videos the people referred to, and you swear you saw something.  
  
The familiar glint. The little smirk. The little smiles.  
  
All things that you are sure you do too, while talking to/about her. Because you’ve been in this unfortunate situation for quite some time.  
  
But then again, it’s not possible. You called yourself delusional, because there is absolutely no way that she is into you like that, because Carmilla is… **Carmilla**. She could have anyone. She also _did_ have everyone she wanted. And even though you are not judging her for it, you sure as hell know that it doesn’t add up to the fan’s theories. That behavior doesn’t match to your co-star’s claim to always having those kinds of feelings for you.  
  
She was improvising. That was just a story she told some stupid magazine.  
  
A silly little puzzle to the Hollstein theory of how two actresses can fall for each other.  
  
**Lies. Lies. Lies.**  
  
All her looks towards you. All the comments about you. All those silly flirtations were lies.  
  
Although you know that she kissed you. You know that.  
  
You were there, when it happened (although you still have your moments, when you doubt that it did occur), but she did kiss you, and then she isn’t even girl enough to talk to you about it?  
  
And you are crushed about it. Because she played your heart. Again. Just like a year ago.  
  
And that’s not what you signed up for. It’s not fair to you. Carmilla isn’t being fair to you.  
  
There are a lot of scenarios in your head right now. None of them consist of her liking you, but of her using this whole situation, and you know for a fact that she isn’t a bad person. You know that maybe she didn’t intend to hurt you. Maybe she thinks you want to hook up with her once, maybe she thinks that that’s what she’ll get out of this.  
  
God.  
  
You really did think about this a lot.  
  
Whatever.  
  
You simply know that you don’t want to be in her debt, and this whole fake dating thing has been going on for long enough. The official Afterlife account has gained ten thousand new followers on twitter and you know that the Blu-ray boxes are selling pretty well for the fact that people could also just watch the show on Netflix.  
  
  
Your job to promote the series is done. You don’t need more heartbreak. It’s over for you.

 

* * *

  
  
@silasglam Agnes Forrester said to a source that Hollstein broke up, but we didn’t get any confirmation yet. What do you guys think?  
  
_June 19, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla sends you a screenshot of a tweet that says that you two are broken up with a question mark.  
  
Nothing else. Just a fucking question mark.  
  
No _‘Hey, sorry, I didn’t acknowledge your presence in the last few days’_ or no _‘Hey, we need to talk.’_.  
  
You don’t respond. If she can treat you like that, you can too. You can act unaffected and aloof.  
  
  
  
Being on set without her is weird, but welcome, when it’s her whole being that makes you second guess yourself.  
  
Whenever you see her, you want to apologize. Even though _she_ was the one, who stopped talking to you.  
  
You have tried. You have tried calling her, tried texting her, tried talking to her before your first scene together the day after the incident, but she didn’t acknowledge you.  
  
And okay, maybe you have given up a little too quickly, but there is still some pride in you.  
  
There is something holding you back. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re here, still hoping that the kiss really meant something, but most prominently it’s you protecting yourself.  
  
At least that’s what helps you sleep at night.  
  
  
Because how could you not think that she has feelings for you, right?  
  
**Bingo!**  
  
She isn’t talking to you, because she so clearly doesn’t...  
  
  
How can someone be so infuriating?  
  
  
You’re talking to Kirsch about a particular scene, when your co-star breaks the ice between you two.  
  
  
“Laura, I need to speak to you.”, her voice still has the ability to make you shiver.  
  
“I’m working, Carmilla.”  
  
“5 minutes won’t disrupt your perfect little schedule.”, you look up and see **her**.  
  
That arrogant bitch that you despise in her.  
  
There she is, in her _Alice_ wardrobe, looking hot as ever wearing shorts that aren’t even allowed to be sold as a piece of clothing. And being as infuriating as ever.  
  
You sigh loudly, when you get up and throw your director an apologetic smile. He seems a little confused by your animosity, you can imagine why.  
  
  
“What did you want to talk to me about?”  
  
There is a shred of hope in you.  
  
Carmilla pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes. Just now you realize that they look tired. She looks tired.  
  
Her usual posture has been replaced by slightly slumping shoulders and a bowed head. She seems shorter than usual.  
  
  
“Did you say that we broke up to someone?”  
  
“Yeah. To my mother.”  
  
Her eyes widen for a moment, before she drags you further away from people that could overhear your conversation.  
  
  
“Why the hell would you do that?”  
  
“Because-”, just then you realize that you don’t owe it to her, “Seriously? You are gonna talk to me about _this_ now?”  
  
  
And back is that part in her that you do not like.  
  
However you can’t help but feel drawn to her.  
  
Yup, you hate yourself a little bit more now.  
  
  
“What else would we need to talk about?”, she grits her teeth.  
  
  
Defensive behavior?  
  
Is that it? Is that really all you get?  
  
After what she put you through these days?  
  
  
You can only scoff, “Go to hell, Carmilla.”  
  
“Excuse me? I think, I misunderstood…”, she’s surprised.  
  
“ **Fuck. You. Carmilla.** Did you understand me this time?”, you walk away.  
  
  
  
It slips out, and you saw her eyes widen at your insult, but you don’t care.  
  
  
You’re tired of her playing you hot and cold. You already had this last year.  
  
  
**This time** , you tell yourself. This time you really do need to grow out of this.

 

* * *

  
  
@summersoc Trouble in paradise? Fans are concerned for their favorite ship **#Hollstein**!  
  
_June 21, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
You can’t believe that the day would come on which you would hate to play Carmilla’s lover for the cameras.  
  
  
  
“She’s stupid. You know that right?”, you tell her character. It’s a scene post the one, where _Sarah’s_ mother disapproves of _Alice_.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“I love you.”, it’s the first time your character says it to hers, and it’s supposed to be an intimate moment, it’s supposed to be perfect, but you can’t convey it the way you usually would be able to.  
  
  
Mel catches onto that. “ **Cut.** _Sarah_ … You are in love with _Alice_. You need to say it more passionately, be more passionate, be more loving. You’re looking like someone died. When you love someone, you- I think I don’t really need to tell you... Let’s do another take.”  
  
  
“Can I get a break before we do that?”, you really could use one now. It was a long day.  
  
“Everyone take 5 to cool down.”, Mel nods at you, and you yank out the mike that has been clinging to your sweaty body and walk away.  
  
  
  
You feel like you can breathe again, when you’re outside.  
  
And it’s not only the fact that the oxygen out there is much better than the crammed air on set.  
  
  
“Hey…”, Carmilla slowly approaches you and you would love to walk away. She did it so many times. You do it too rarely.  
  
“I may not be your favorite person right now, but you’re usually a very giving actress. Everything okay?”  
  
You can’t ask her, if she is being serious again. Because she apparently is always serious about everything.  
  
“I’ve been here for 10 hours straight. Sorry for not being on top of my game all the time. **Mom**.”  
  
“Ouch.”  
  
  
You snort, “What?”  
  
“Did I do something wrong?”  
  
You can’t believe that she has the audacity to ask you that question.  
  
However, you feign a smile (lately everything seems fake anyways) and shake your head, “No. _You_ didn’t do anything, Carmilla. You’re just… **You**.”, you don’t mean to sound so bitter.  
  
You can see her face twist in confusion and it gets replaced with something else.  
  
It’s like she wants you to talk about _**it**_ , but she can’t start it. She almost seems scared, but you really don’t know why.  
  
_You’re_ the one who should be scared. _You_ are the one, who’s affected by all of this. You’re the one that’s dealing with the impact of her action.  
  
  
“We should get back.”, you say, before passing her.  
  
“Laura-”  
  
“This time I’ll do it right, I promise.”, you dodge Carmilla’s hand that was aiming at your shoulder.  
  
  
  
  
“Season 2, episode 23, scene 12, take 5. Action!”  
  
  
“Your mother hates me.”, Carmilla is facing you, while you both are sitting on the edge of a bed.  
  
“She doesn’t hate you.”  
  
“No, you’re right. She resents me.”  
  
“She’s stupid. You know that right?”, you regard her with eye-contact and this time her face softens, because you really can be a freaking great actress, when you shove down your negative emotions. They can thrive you on.  
  
“I know.”, she exhales deeply.  
  
Possibly, because she knows, what is about to come, or maybe because she too can act in a different level, when you give her something to work with.  
  
It comes to you naturally, when you lean forwards and tilt up her chin with your index, to be able to connect your lips to hers. It’s a fleeting kiss. Barely a loving peck, but what you do afterwards makes up for it.  
  
You stay in close proximity to her. You feel her warm breath against your lips, you feel her warm skin on yours, you graze her jawline with your index, and your second hand comes up to tangle in her hair, and you try to memorize all of those things, as you just look at her.  
  
You look at her, in an attempt to see _her_ , and you hate her for giving you exactly what you want.  
  
Because that makes it so much harder. Her vulnerable side shows.  
  
  
“What…?”, she asks you in a whisper and it reminds you of all those times you pretended.  
  
She would whisper like that. And you would get delusional for just a second. Just one second…  
  
  
“I love you.”, you frown at her, and look at her lips, because if you were to stare into her eyes right now, you would break down.  
  
  
“I really… _Really_ … Love you.”  
  
It’s not in the script and Mel hasn’t yelled cut yet, so you keep going.  
  
  
The script is plain and boring. You love Perry’s writing, but there is much more potential in some scenes, and you know that.  
  
Lovers say so much more than just a single three-word sentence to convey their feelings.  
  
  
“I love the way you’re so brave. That you’re loyal. I love, how you stick up for me. It makes me feel like I’m the most important person in the world to you, and it’s so, so special, because it’s times like these, in which I just simply know. This is it… So yeah. I love you. With all of my heart, and I don’t even know, when exactly that started, but it did. And I can’t be with you another day without telling you that I love you, Alice. With all I have in me.”, you don’t know, if you’re in character anymore, but now it’s said.  
  
  
Your eyes find hers again, and you have never seen her this surprised, or dumbfounded or whatever.  
  
Seems like you truly are a great actress, when you want to be.  
  
Carmilla’s hand suddenly is in your hair and she pulls you towards her and your lips crash into each other’s. Not in the script either, but you go with it.  
  
However, you can’t kiss her back, like you would usually. Of course it won’t be something the viewers at home will catch onto.  
  
  
It’s only Carmilla, who feels your reluctance against her perfect lips in this kiss.  
  
It’s only Carmilla, who knows how you kiss usually, and how much you’re just doing a mechanic act.  
  
  
“ **Cut...** Oh my gosh!!!”  
  
  
Almost immediately your hand finds Carmilla’s shoulder and you push her back, as gently as you can muster.  
  
You two share a brief glance at each other, but then you regard your director with a questioning look.  
  
  
“Were you pleased this time?”, your voice is not supposed to be so shaky, but you really want this to be over.  
  
And just maybe you’re about to break down and cry and you need this scene to be over **now**.  
  
Mel approaches you both and smiles broadly.  
  
“That was perfect, Laura. First class performance, you two. It really pays off to have a real life couple in front of a camera.”, she smiles to herself.  
  
  
Yeah, maybe you should confirm that you two aren’t together anymore.  
  
People are speculating on that for like a week now. You should just end it.  
  
  
“Cool. Great. Am I done now?”, you stand up, and even though you don’t look in _her_ direction, you feel Carmilla rise up beside you too.  
  
“Yeah. The close ups from the other takes are gonna be enough. I want to have you both in frame for the last part anyways. We don’t have to do it again. Wanna watch it?”  
  
You shake your head, “No. You guys watch. I trust you. I really- I’m tired. Not feeling well- Uh… See you on Saturday.”

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries @TheRealLauraHollis just slayed. Seriously. She should be called new queen of improv! Can’t wait for you guys to see the scene we just shot!  
  
_June 21, 2016_

 

* * *

 

  
  
There is a knock and you don’t really have the head space to deal with anyone right now.  
  
You want to wallow in your thoughts and wither away as the pathetic creature that you are, but fate has other plans.  
  
  
Carmilla walks into your trailer and closes the door behind herself.  
  
  
You wipe away any remaining tears and snot ( _sexy, Hollis_ ), “This really is not the time, Carmilla.”  
  
She’s still there. You furrow your brows. Can you be more clear? Apparently yes.  
  
“I don’t wanna talk right now.”, you let her know once again.  
  
  
Carmilla inhales deeply and rubs the back of her neck, “Good, ‘cause I need you to listen for a sec.”  
  
“I’m not interested.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“ **No.** ”, you shrug and get up, standing right in front of her. Ready to show her out of your trailer.  
  
  
  
“You don’t even know, what I’m gonna-”  
  
“Just **no**. You had your chance, Carmilla. I don’t have to stand here and listen to any unnecessary bull crap that is gonna come out of your mouth, because I just don’t care, okay? I don’t care for the fact that you kissed me and then bailed on me. I don’t care for the fact that you didn’t properly talk to me for 9 days straight. **Nine days** , Carmilla. You don’t even know-”  
  
She makes a much too sudden movement and you find yourself pinned to the counter of the little kitchen aisle in the trailer, with both of her hands planted beside your hips.  
  
“Can you _please_ - **fucking please** \- stop talking for the duration of _five minutes_? I’m only asking you for _300 seconds_ of your time. Hear me out. **Please.** ”  
  
You scoff (trying to remain unaffected by the fact that only a few atoms of air are separating you), “I thought you wanted one second?”  
  
  
“ **Laura** …”, she says your name differently. It’s strict, and makes her so utterly attractive.  
  
Yes, Hollis, still pining for her a little bit, aren’t we? Just when you thought this couldn’t be any worse.  
  
  
“Say, what you have to say.”  
  
For a little moment she doesn’t believe you, but then she closes her eyes and braces herself.  
  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Carmilla stares right into your eyes, after saying that.  
  
“You’re sorry?”, you repeat her words.  
  
_That’s it?_  
  
  
  
“Could you please just shut up?”  
  
You nod and she blows out air.  
  
  
“Okay so… I might not have handled everything so well. I get that. I deserved the yelling and the you being a complete bitch to me. But… I’ve never met anyone that is as infuriating as you…”  
  
_Sure._ Now _**you**_ are infuriating. Has she met herself???  
  
  
“And at the same time… You… I just… Every time I look at you, I want to kiss you.”  
  
_Because you use my favorite flavor of chapstick._  
  
Yeah. That would be a good reason. Your chapstick is badass: your own spit.  
  
_Wait, what did she say?_  
  
  
“It’s been like this for quite a time. Except until a little over a year ago it was just a hypothetical thought. It never would have crossed my mind like that. Not before I auditioned for Afterlife. When they told me about _you_ being my partner for the next scene, at the chemistry read, I felt like fainting. You have no idea, what you did to me.”, Carmilla’s voice drops to a whisper.  
  
_Laura, I’m actually straight, but I like kissing you._  
  
That would be a great thing to say now.  
  
You’re dreaming. **Wake up.**  
  
  
You can’t just dream something this wonderful…  
  
  
“And at first I was bound to Ell. I loved her, I really did. And you were just a silly little celebrity crush, I knew this would fade, once we become friends. Shooting together in a schedule like this makes for a good friendship. That’s what I thought. And then you blew me away, by being this incredible person… And I couldn’t get rid of **it**. That’s why Ell broke up with me. _She knew_. She knew, and she couldn’t be with someone, whose heart wasn’t fully hers.”  
  
Why are you dreaming something like this?  
  
The universe is cruel.  
  
Not even pinching yourself works.  
  
  
“But…”, she exhales deeply again, “You became a very good friend of mine. I never had one of those. Never needed anyone like that. I wanted to be your friend so badly. And I couldn’t risk it. I wanted you in my life. So I rather had you as a friend, than admitting to what I was feeling. And I asked myself, how would someone like you ever like me like that... This way none of us would get hurt. And I maintained it, and you did too. We were good. We were so good. Until I had to mess up, when agreeing to fake date you, and I’m not blaming _you_ at all. You were desperate and I get that- I just- I said you were oblivious, but I just realized that **I’m** oblivious too. What you just said in there- Please tell me, I didn’t get it wrong... Please tell me that there is something between us... That you aren’t just a fantastic actress, that you didn’t need to act the majority of it...”, Carmilla seems desperate and you don’t know, what to say.  
  
This is a huge surprise, to say the least.  
  
Right now everything is fading.  
  
And when you don’t answer her, but only give her a wide-eyed look, she backtracks.  
  
  
“ **Oh**... _God_... Then... Please forgive me. Please forgive me, Laura. I need you to forgive me. I need you all smiles and happy and not like this. Not like you don’t want to know me, because I hate that. I’ve never seen you like this… Not because of me- And I can’t go back to you ignoring me again. You ignored me, before we started filming season 2, and I have you back like this again, and I need it to be like it was, before I kissed you. Even if all of that really was just a silly daydream of mine- I can shut those feelings off, if you need me to- We can be friends! We are friends, right?”  
  
Carmilla’s voice is pleading, and her eyes are tear stained, and you don’t understand anything anymore.  
  
  
You shake your head, when you say, “It wasn’t just in your head...”  
  
  
That’s the only thing you think of and you don’t recognize your own voice, when you say it.


	12. ... Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t say no to me.”

“It wasn’t…?”, she sounds hopeful.  
  
  
And it breaks your heart, because she reminds you of you.  
  
She’s being protective of herself. She has been protecting herself.  
  
And coming to think of it, how could you both miss each other so epically?  
  
  
Carmilla finally catches onto her proximity to you and jerks back, still maintaining closeness, but also respecting your need for space.  
  
_Not that you were minding her there..._  
  
  
“No it wasn’t.”, you assure her.  
  
“Since when?”  
  
  
“I’ve sensed a vibe while filming season 1… But…”, you start and hope she gets, what you mean.  
  
But of course she doesn’t. She’s more surprised by the fact that this has been going on for so long on your side too. Carmilla is awaiting you to continue, so you do.  
  
“You failed to tell me that you had a girlfriend. And I have to admit that I lost my trust in your advances gradually from there on…”  
  
Carmilla nods to herself.  
  
“And then you saw that girl with me.”, she closes her eyes and groans, “So _that’s_ why you stopped- Oh my god that **is** why you stopped talking to me, isn’t it? It wasn’t you avoiding me, because you had to kiss me for the first time and thought it was weird?”  
  
“No it wasn’t, but I never stopped talking to you though. And I didn’t ignore you either. I merely kept my distance, I thought… I thought I was being dumb thinking you liked me- And wanted to get those silly feelings out of my system.”  
  
“And _I_ thought you weren’t interested in me. I mean you made it pretty obvious that you didn’t really have any kind of interest in me… You really **are** a great actress.”, Carmilla’s wide eyes find yours.  
  
  
Both of you catch a break, because those last few minutes were a little intense.  
  
  
“Soo… That gives me the right to ask you now…”, you trail off and lick your lips, “The kiss… You kissed me.”  
  
Carmilla nods slowly, “I did.”  
  
  
“It wasn’t because you saw the paparazzo in the corner aiming his camera at us, was it?”  
  
You need to be absolutely sure it wasn’t anything else, before you can ask the question. Even though you know.  
  
Carmilla sets one foot forwards -towards you- and you watch her attentively.  
  
“No it wasn’t because of _that_.”, her voice drops lower. You perceive that.  
  
  
“And you didn’t do it, because you were confused…?”  
  
Carmilla smiles, and the smirk remains on her face, when she closes off the distance again, and finds her position from before. Her face so dangerously close to yours, her breath intermingling with yours.  
  
“No, it really wasn’t because of _that_ either…”, she chuckles. It’s barely a whisper.  
  
And you threaten to melt away just by the way her dark eyes take all of you in. She stares at you for a moment, before her eyebrows twist in concentration, as her gaze roams around your face, and then she focuses on your lips.  
  
Out of instinct your mouth parts, and you exhale through your teeth, your tongue gliding over your bottom lip, before you lock eyes with her again.  
  
  
“Why did you kiss me then?”  
  
And you know. You know exactly why. But you want to hear her say it.  
  
Carmilla raises an eyebrow, looking at your lips as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.  
  
“I think you know.”  
  
Funny. Can she read minds?  
  
  
You watch her closely. You catch onto the fact that she lifts a hand and fixes a stray strand of hair on your head, and you also see her jaw clench and unclench, just the way she does it, when she is thinking too hardly.  
  
  
And it’s really killing you. Having her so close, and not close enough.  
  
  
You have been waiting for this moment for far too long.  
  
In your dreams. You have dreamt of something like this. Of course you have.  
  
You probably aren’t the only one, who dreamt of having Carmilla for yourself like this. So close.  
  
  
Carmilla locks eyes with you once more, and you think it’s her asking you for your consent, and when you don’t object, both of her hands find your face. It’s like the last time, only this time you both are content doing this. This time Carmilla isn’t going to rush away.  
  
  
At least that’s what you hope.  
  
  
Her lips connect with yours. It’s testing. It’s soft. Too soft.  
  
You grasp at her hair, tug her impossibly closer and kiss her back ardently.  
  
It takes her by surprise, and you hear her sharp intake of breath, but then she relaxes against you.  
  
  
Your body might explode just by the way hers is pressing into yours, or by the way she drops one of her hands to grab your waist, and pinning you to the counter more forcefully. As if you were going to run away, if she weren’t doing that.  
  
  
Nice sentiment.  
  
She won’t get rid of you now though.  
  
  
You’re not even embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth, when you feel her tongue against yours. It’s the first time she is being this daring -oh yeah, this _totally_ is scandalous for you two- and you really are worried that you might faint just by the way her mouth is demanding against your open one.  
  
  
Both of her hands grasp at your hips, and when you realize what she is about to do, you help her by bracing your weight on the counter behind you, and she lifts you up on it effortlessly, and you yank her towards your mouth again, bowing your head.  
  
You need her closer, so you pull her in completely, between your parted legs. Carmilla has a hand on your thigh and the other is a guiding instance at your neck and towards her warm mouth, her lips, her tongue. She too seems to never want to let go of you.  
  
  
This is all too distracting, so you of course don’t hear the door opening.  
  
  
“ **Oh god, sorry!** ”  
  
  
Carmilla separates from you much too quickly, and you really try hard not to glare at the person standing there. It’s LaFontaine.  
  
  
“What did you want?”, Carmilla asks, out of breath and with swollen lips. She is beautiful that way.  
  
  
“Uhm- I just heard that Laura wasn’t doing well, and wanted to check on her, but I guess ** _that_** did cheer her up.”, they point at you both.  
  
  
Carmilla looks sorry. Sorry for making you feel that way, you suppose, because she absolutely is not sorry for this situation you are in. (You hope.)  
  
  
“I was uh- It’s nothing really, I’m better now- Carm’s uhm- We were getting home. Carm and I were on our way to the hotel. Separately!!! Yeah.”  
  
“Good. You should rest. _Or something_.”  
  
  
You see the look on LaF’s face and thank them silently for not saying what was really on their mind.  
  
  
After they leave you two alone again, you hop off the counter and smooth out the shirt you are wearing and clear your throat.  
  
Carmilla is still standing there, not saying a word and actually not even looking at you.  
  
  
“Sooo…”, you catch her eyes again, when she turns around at the utterance of the word, and you are relieved to see a tiny smile on her lips, “ **That** happened…”  
  
  
Your arms are dangling awkwardly beside your body and Carmilla captures one of your hands and interlocks your fingers, and stares at it.  
  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
  
It’s only a stupid word, but still it doesn’t fail to make you feel warm and tingly.

 

* * *

  
  
_**Earlier this year:**_  
  
  
Laura was sitting in the break room, staring at her phone incredulously.  
  
While she admired the fans that took the time to write stories revolving around fictional characters, she couldn’t believe what the smut department had to offer in the Hollstein section.  
  
  
“What are you doing?”, Perry asked her lead actress, when walking in to get a cup of coffee.  
  
  
“Take a look.”, the blonde showed the redhead.  
  
  
The writer read for some minutes, when her brows twisted in confusion, “How is that position even possible? I mean-”  
  
“I don’t know. Apparently Carmilla and I are supposed to be _very_ flexible.”  
  
“ **What?** ”, Laura heard her co-star’s voice from behind her, and quickly took her phone from Perry’s hand and turned around.  
  
“What? Nothing- I uhm-”  
  
“Are you reading fan fiction of us again?”, the dark haired woman smirked knowingly.  
  
“ **NO!!!** ”  
  
“Oh really? Then show me what you were reading.”  
  
“An article on health. Totally _not_ interesting! They said that you should uhm- Do sports. You know, helps you be flexible. Yeah. Totally.”, the blonde was hiding her embarrassment terribly.  
  
Perry laughed at that explanation, “Oh yeah. Knowing your flexibility will so help me writing your sex scene.”  
  
Both of the lead actresses turned to the redhead.  
  
“WHAT?”  
“What sex scene?”  
  
“Between Alice and Sarah? You know, those two ladies that you two portray?”  
  
“There is…”, Laura was red, “There is going to be…? I have to be in a sex scene with _her_???”, she pointed to the dark haired woman that was beside her.  
  
Carmilla frowned, “Oh ouch, am I that terrible?”  
  
“What? **No** \- That wasn’t against you-”  
  
“Oh Creampuff, don’t be so tightly wound all the time. Who knows, maybe you’ll enjoy it.”, Carmilla winked and finally vanished again.  
  
  
“She’s so infuriating, I swear.”, Laura rolled her eyes -still/again blushing- at her co-star’s retreating back.  
  
Perry had eyed the interaction with a knowing grin, “Mhm…”

 

* * *

  
  
The shooting process somehow went by faster than last year. Granted, last year you had a longer break between the two shooting halves, but still. You slowly realize that shooting for this season is going to be over in a little more than a week, and your _biggest_ (more like **most awkward** ) scene with Carmilla is yet to come.  
  
You were right in thinking that it was one of the last scenes that you have to film with her.  
  
  
Currently you are at your hotel room, getting ready for some night shots, and there is a knock.  
  
When you open the door, you are surprised to see Carmilla standing on the other side.  
  
  
“Hey…”, you greet her with wide eyes, and then look at her outfit and then down at yourself. You are wearing a bath robe.  
  
“I- I thought we could go to set together?”, she sounds uncertain, and it’s completely endearing.  
  
“Yeah, good thinking. I just need to get dressed real fast, give me a sec… Come in.”  
  
You hold open the door, and walk by your suitcase and get some clothes out, before shuffling into your bathroom. Carmilla makes herself comfortable on your bed and you talk through the creak in your door.  
  
  
“Were you on set today?”, you ask her, because you weren’t.  
  
“Yeah, I had a scene with Betty and Tony.”, she responds and you walk out of the bathroom in your jeans and a simple tank top.  
  
  
“Okay, I’m ready. I just need-”  
  
Carmilla is up in no time, and her hands are on your waist, where she gives you a gentle squeeze.  
  
  
“Hey.”, she says again.  
  
She is grounding you, and at the same time making you feel faint and unsteady on your feet with her body so close to yours. You immediately put your hands on top of hers.  
  
“Hey…”  
  
  
You both just stand there in the middle of your hotel room, minding nothing, just getting lost in each other’s eyes, when a phone goes off.  
  
  
Carmilla sighs, “Do you need to get that?”  
  
“Sorry.”, you throw her an apologetic smile and she lets go of you and ruffles through her hair. Something you find utterly sexy- and it’s _so_ distracting, that you run into the nightstand and yell a loud _‘fuck’_.  
  
  
“Are you okay?”, she seems concerned, and wants to get closer to you, but you wave her off.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I just can’t find my cell…”, you try to listen, where the ring is coming from.  
  
  
You know exactly, why you’re being like this.  
  
While you are very happy about Carmilla’s unannounced drop-by, you are dying out of nervousness. You two haven’t talked about what happened last night, and this little stunt she just pulled made you lose yourself.  
  
  
God why does she have to be so smooth about everything?  
  
  
“Found it!”, you exclaim after finding that annoying device -that possibly, _quite possibly_ just ruined a good make out session- on your bed and see that it’s a call from your dad. You decide to hit him a text about calling him back later, because you’re going to be shooting soon, and finally regard Carmilla with your attention.  
  
She looks at you with a risen eyebrow, and you have to swallow.  
  
“Ready to go?”, you ask her and she nods slowly, a frown evident on her face.  
  
You probably just ruined a moment, but you can’t be alone with her now.  
  
  
  
  
Perry greets you with a wide smile, when you two enter the set premises and you let Carmilla walk you to your trailer, where the wardrobe lady probably is already awaiting you. You’re on a tight schedule tonight.  
  
  
“I’ll see you later?”, your co-star asks you hesitantly. You don’t blame her. You were so nervous to be walking next to her on your way here that you didn’t say a single word. You walked fifteen minutes in silence.  
  
You take up all of your courage, when you place a quick kiss to her cheek and vanish into your trailer.  
  
_Damn it!_  
  
You forgot to answer her, so you peek your head out again, to find a confused Carmilla.  
  
“Later, Carm. I’ll see you later.”  
  
She looks up at you and gives you a dazzling smile and yeah, maybe you fall a little harder.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries Always wanted to meet Alice, Sarah and Co.? Maybe you’ll get lucky this year! More info to come!  
  
_June 22, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
You’re currently running some lines with your mother (yes, that is happening) in the break room upon her request. It is a pretty emotional scene, because your character is saying good bye to her mother. Kind of. More like telling her off, and you are maybe enjoying this too much.  
  
  
Carmilla walks in, and you can’t help the smile on your face, when she glances in your direction.  
  
Your co-star doesn’t mind your mother there, and walks right up to you and looks down.  
  
  
“We were done, right?”, you ask your mother and she is surprised to see Carmilla smiling at you like that. You take great satisfaction in that (even though you actually don’t care).  
  
“I- Yes. I suppose?”, your mother shuffles out of her seat opposite to you and walks over to the coffee machine.  
  
  
“What was that all about?”, Carmilla asks you, once she takes the place your mother just gave up, and you tell her that it was about rehearsing a difficult scene.  
  
You both must look like idiots, simply grinning at each other and sharing small tidbits of set stories, but you don’t care. You don’t care what you two are, or what you are doing, as long as it’s like this. It’s like being a teenager again, and experiencing your first love, oh yeah, this is just as exciting.  
  
Carmilla reaches over and takes one of your hands in hers and plays with your fingers, before you take hers with your free hand and trap it between yours, to get her attention.  
  
  
“Can I ask you a question?”  
  
“You already are.”, she smirks. And it’s playful and beautiful. However you can’t help, but roll your eyes and drop her hand, “Oh come on, shoot!”, she urges you.  
  
“When you wanted to leave a good impression on my dad, was it just because you were brought up with manners, or because it was important for you that he liked you?”  
  
Carmilla’s eyebrows furrow, but then she shakes her head slightly, “I am a woman with manners.”, you fixate a light in the far back of the room and nod slowly, “But…”, _she_ catches _your_ attention this time, “I did want him to like me, because I knew it would be important to you- No matter if the relationship was fake or not.”  
  
Your only reply remains a nod, because you just wanted to know, and actually her answer was pretty satisfying. You must be smiling too much, so she flicks her fingers in front of you to bring you out of your haze.  
  
  
“What?”, she asks with a wide grin.  
  
“Nothing.”, Carmilla pouts and you didn’t know just how much you were crushing on her, it seems like this is getting out of your hand, “You’re just really cute.”  
  
Your co-star seriously looks offended and is just about to object, when LaFontaine finds you two. (You apparently were alone this whole time, who knows when your mother left…)  
  
  
“Karnstein, Hollis… You two should be ready by now! Ugh, unbelievable! Can you not do all of _that grossness_ during work?”, they gesture towards you and you can’t help, but giggle and get up and offer your hand to Carmilla.  
  
She eyes it for some seconds, before taking it and letting you drag her with you to wardrobe.  
  
Your producer rolls your eyes at you two, but they are smiling and yeah, you think it is a great day.

 

* * *

  
  
“She is a vampire. A creature of the night. Interracial relationships aren’t acknowledged around here, Sarah. You won’t come out of it unscathed. She will hurt you.”  
  
“Alice would _never_ hurt me.”  
  
It’s so funny. You are really enjoying this scene, because you don’t have to act any shred of hatred against your mother.  
  
“Did she tell you that?”  
  
“You know what? You can go. I don’t need you in my life. I don’t need you around me, when you’re going to be like this.”  
  
“You are such a smart girl! How can you be so daft, when it comes to this subject?”  
  
“And how can _you_ be so close-minded?”  
  
“I’m telling you this won’t work.”  
  
  
“And she just told you that she doesn’t want you here.”, it’s Carmilla this time, who just entered the scene.  
  
  
“Miss Woodsbury, please stay out of it.”  
  
“I would, if you would stop harassing my girlfriend.”  
  
“She’s my daughter!”  
  
“Please, mother. **Leave.** ”  
  
Your mother gives you a certain look (the one she gave you, when she found out Carmilla and you were real -well, fake real- **whatever** ) and then leaves.  
  
  
You blow out air, and turn around to find Carmilla closer than where she’s supposed to be.  
  
She drives her hand through your hair and you close your eyes at the contact.  
  
  
“Are you doing okay, love?”  
  
Your heart skips a beat, even though _that_ was in the script.  
  
“Yeah, it’s just hard, you know? When your own mother doesn’t approve of who you love.”  
  
  
“So this love thing, huh?”, she grins and you raise your eyebrows at her, “I might give this a try. Sounds so good, when _you_ say it.”  
  
“Oh yeah?”, you can’t help, but smile and plop down at the couch behind you, Carmilla following you.  
  
“Mhmn.”, she takes your hand in hers and places a sweet kiss on it, “Because one would do anything for the people they love, right?”, she asks you.  
  
The smile on your face grows and the director yells _‘Cut. Perfect!’_.  
  
  
This was one of your most favorite scenes to film with Carmilla.  
  
  
Even though you didn’t get to kiss her.  
  
Even though you didn’t improvise this time.  
  
Sometimes Perry’s lines in the script are _perfect_.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries The next one in the can! Only one week of shooting remaining! Can’t wait to share the new season with you!  
  
_June 23, 2016_

 

* * *

  
  
“Dad, I’m telling you, it’s not a big deal!”, you yell into the speaker, while pacing in front of your trailer.  
  
“Your mother -who you didn’t talk to for over 5 years- is shooting with you, and you don’t think it was a big deal?”  
   
“Ugh, I didn’t want to tell you, because you’re not really the right person to talk about this. And I _can_ handle her.”  
  
“I- I am not the right person to talk about this?”  
  
“Yes, because you are biased. I get you, I really do. She is a raging _b-bad person_ , but it’s my job, and I can safely say that I just wrapped my last scene with her, without wanting to kill her… Well, sort of, but it’s in the can. Everything’s okay.”  
  
Your dad sighs, “Why didn’t you just tell me? It’s irritating, when I have to learn of those things through my PR people. I really would like to know about your life, Laur… **From you**.”  
  
  
Just in that moment Carmilla walks towards you and throws you a smile.  
  
  
“How are you holding up?”, the voice of your father brings you out of the little staring contest you were having with Carmilla.  
  
“I’m doing just fine dad, really.”  
  
“And how is Carmilla? I would like to meet you two, when I’m in Los Angeles again.”  
  
“Carm…”, she raises an eyebrow at you, when you mention her, and you clear your throat, “Carm’s fine.”  
  
  
“Am I now? You didn’t even ask me.”, she chirps and you slap her shoulder lightly, and she chuckles.  
  
  
“Is she with you right now?”  
  
“Uh- Yeah, we are on set.”  
  
“Oh, well I didn’t want to disturb you. Give her my regards.”  
  
“I will. Bye dad.”  
  
  
You roll your eyes and huff out a breath, before finally taking in your co-star, who is fully dressed in her regular clothes. Just then you realize that she should be done a long time ago.  
  
“What are you even doing here?”, you ask her.  
  
“I was- I…”, Carmilla looks up, as if she was coming up with something, but then she apparently drops it, “I was waiting for you.”  
  
You eye your clock on your phone, “Carmilla, it’s 1 am, you wrapped at 10. What the hell?”  
  
She shrugs, “I was talking to Kirsch to go over some things and time flew away so fast… I thought I’d wait for you.”  
  
  
It’s absolutely cute and you lean in to kiss her cheek and embrace her.  
  
You feel her hands immediately finding the small of your back and her body is pressing against yours.  
  
  
“God this phone call was absolutely horrible. My dad found out about my mother’s guest role.”, you say, when you lean back a bit, so you can look into her eyes.  
  
“He would have found out eventually.”  
  
“I guess, yeah…”, you trail off and just now you realize once again that you two are too close.  
  
  
You drop your hands from around her neck and you two part awkwardly.  
  
  
“Let me just change, and we can go?”, you ask her and she nods, before you rush into the trailer and get rid of your clothes.  
  
  
This time around, when you two walk home from a long exhausting day on set, you are a little bit more daring. (Maybe it’s just you being tired as hell, but whatever.) You take Carmilla’s hand in yours and let it dangle between your bodies.  
  
You’re happy. You’re content like this.  
  
When you look to your right, you see Carmilla staring at you.  
  
She doesn’t even mind that you caught her, but it does affect you, because you feel the heat rise into your cheeks.  
  
  
“What are you looking at?”, you ask shyly, after you drop your head and look at the street in front of you.  
  
“ **You.** ”, she says unabashedly, and you smile and shake your head.  
  
Carmilla has a tight grasp on you and tugs on your hand, “Am I not allowed to look at you?”  
  
“Of course you are… You’re your own person. You can gawk at anyone you want.”  
  
“I don’t want to be looking at just _any_ person though.”, she says and you look to your right again, twisting your eyebrows with interest in her words.  
  
“No?”  
  
Carmilla regards you with eye-contact and shakes her head, and looks like it’s the most logical answer in the world.  
  
  
God you’re gonna combust by her sheer beauty and all of… **That.**  
  
  
Your hotel room is on the fifth floor, whereas Carmilla has hers in the seventh, but she still gets out with you, and walks you to your room.  
  
  
“Thanks for uhm… You know... Everything.”, you slowly start.  
  
She cocks an eyebrow in that familar manner and you are inclined to continue.  
  
“You know… Picking me up from here and then uhm waiting for me and walking me home- _Well here_.”  
  
“Don’t mention it.”, your co-star shrugs nonchalantly and you don’t know what to do.  
  
  
Apparently she doesn’t either, so you just stand in front of your door, eyeing the floor awkwardly.  
  
  
“So-”, you start, but get interrupted by her.  
  
“Go on a date with me.”  
  
  
It’s not a question.  
  
It’s a request.  
  
A demand.  
  
  
Before you can answer her though, she is speaking again (mental note to shut up around her, because she will do all the talking anyways).  
  
  
“Tomorrow. I looked at your shooting schedule. You don’t film until late in the afternoon on Saturday and we have off tomorrow.”  
  
“You looked up my schedule?”, you’re seriously surprised at her efforts.  
  
Carmilla exhales deeply, “Yeah- You can’t say no to me. Not, when I know your schedule.”  
  
You open your mouth in feigned shock, and playfully shove her, “Carmilla! Who do you think I am?…”, when her nervousness doesn’t fade, you decide to continue, “I’ll go out with you.”  
  
It’s absolutely adorable, when her eyebrows lift up in surprise (why though, you don’t know).  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah.”, you bite your bottom lip and she nods excitedly.  
  
“Great- I’ll text you tomorrow with the details!”  
  
“Okay.”, you giggle and use your hotel key card to unlock your door.  
  
  
Carmilla takes it as her cue for leaving, but before she rounds the corner, she hastily runs back towards you and stops you with her hand on your forearm, and before you can ask her what she is doing, _she_ leans in this time to place a kiss on your cheek -just on the corner of your mouth, making you crave for the actual thing.  
  
  
“I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”, she whispers and winks, before leaving for real.  
  
  
You stand there, and ask yourself how she can be a nervous wreck, and then this daring at the same time.  
  
  
God, you got it bad for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who loves me for not building in a cliffhanger?  
> My fingers were itching, but I refrained!!!  
> The angstfree Cliffhanger Queen out!


	13. Know You Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Creampuff.”

**Carmilla K.** (10:31am): Good morning, beautiful!  
**Carmilla K.** (10:31am): I hope, you had a great start into the day!  
**Carmilla K.** (10:32am): I’m going to be at your hotel room by 6, be ready.  
**Carmilla K.** (10:39am): Oh, and wear something casual.  
**Carmilla K.** (10:40am): Looking forward to you tonight.

 

* * *

  
  
_**December, 2011**_  
  
  
“I know, we don’t do this anymore. Us three together… But I brought you guys together… _Here_ … To tell you something important.”, a seventeen-year old Laura said to her parents (that were divorced for 5 years now). It was hard having them agreeing on going out together, but so far Benjamin had held back with his comments.  
  
  
“Darling, you’re scaring us.”, Agnes started.  
  
“Laur, are you pregnant?”  
  
“Ben!”, the mother exclaimed, “Are you out of your mind?!”  
  
“You guys!!! **No** I am certainly **not** , dad.”, the teenager brought her parents’ attention towards herself again.  
  
“Sorry, go on.”, the father encouraged his daughter.  
  
  
“Okay so… I mean- This might not be a huge surprise for you guys- Or well maybe it will- So you know Danny right?”  
  
“Mhm, I would like to see her again some time. She is such a nice girl.”, Agnes smiled fondly of her daughter’s best friend.  
  
“Really? You do?”, Laura smiled happily, “Good, because I’d like you to meet her anyway.”  
  
“What are you talking about? We’ve already met her…”, Agnes eyed her ex-husband, “Is she working too much? Is she getting delirious? Have you not been taking care of her properly?”  
  
“Why is everything always _**my**_ fault?”, the man asked, clearly offended.  
  
  
“Oh my god, could you two please stop??”  
  
Both of the adults regarded their daughter with their full attention again.  
  
“Okay so… With meeting I meant like… As my girlfriend.”, Laura continued.  
  
  
Agnes furrowed her brows, “Huh?”  
  
Even Laura’s -usually- oblivious father caught onto the implication.  
  
“Ohhh… You two are…?”  
  
“Yeah.”, the blonde nodded curtly.  
  
“I don’t understand.”, Agnes voiced her inability to comprehend the situation.  
  
“She’s in a relationship with Danny, Agnes.”, Ben rolled his eyes and smiled at his daughter, “Your mother’s a little slow at times.”  
  
Laura didn’t comment on that, but looked at her mother expectantly. Agnes meant everything to her. The girl didn’t see her mother that often, ever since that debacle with her father, and it was not like her parent made the effort. Laura would get the usual days on holidays sometimes, and would see her mother on most birthdays, but she lived with her father.  
  
Plus she was somehow the reason Laura had tried to get into acting. Ben wasn’t pushing her to do that as much as her mother was, but when Laura saw the look on Agnes’ face on her first premier of a small role in a film, when she was ten, she decided that she wanted to act. Just like her role model, her mother. Agnes would always tell her, how proud it would make her, if she were to be just like her. She always just wanted a miniature version of herself.  
  
A copy. Her perfect daughter. Her perfect, flawless daughter.  
  
  
“I…”, the woman’s eyes went wide, “You are with a girl? She is a **girl**. This isn’t… You can’t-”  
  
When Agnes caught her daughter’s disappointed expression, she stood up abruptly, Laura following her movement.  
  
“I have to go.”  
  
  
The blonde wanted to run after her mother, but her father held her up.  
  
  
“Laur, give her some time.”

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
  
You’re currently in your underwear, trying to decide what to wear. It’s not like Carmilla was specific.  
  
What does _casual_ even mean? You seriously looked up the word _‘casual wear’_ in google to have a better visual aid for that, but of course _that_ was completely useless.  
  
After some time you decide that you can’t be looking at your -scarce- choices of clothes forever, and pick out a pair of jeans and a plain button up. It’s a little see through, but not too scandalous. It’s something you can wear to a date. A casual date. You think. Ugh, Carmilla should have straight up told you what to wear.  
  
  
  
Of course she is early as always.  
  
You were prepared for her punctuality. Kind of.  
  
However you were not prepared for her to look so good.  
  
  
“Hey beautiful.”, she greets you with a slight smirk.  
  
  
She is wearing leather pants -although you wonder how she isn’t dying of the heat- and a lacy crop top. So Carmilla’s version of casual is a little different to your definition, but you roll with it. It’s not your place to complain, when she’s looking that good. Those pants flatter her in every angle- not that you were looking that closely or anything…  
  
  
“Hello… _Wow_ … Carmilla… You look great.”, you voice your inner thoughts.  
  
Though that expression is somehow very mild in comparison to the things you are actually thinking.  
  
“Thanks.”, she says a little shyly, and looks you up and down, and you feel a little self-conscious under her intense gaze.  
  
  
  
  
“Where are you taking me?”, you ask her, once you are finally leaving your hotel.  
  
Carmilla finds your hand and drags you with her, “Surprise.”, she says and you eye her suspiciously.  
  
“Am I allowed to guess?”  
  
“Sure, give it a try.”, she shrugs and gives you that one smile that you melt for- the one reserved for you (you think).  
  
  
“Okay, so first off: Would you say that you are the romantic type?”  
  
It’s not really your agenda to find out what you two are going to do, because you do like your surprises, but it’s your target to know more things about her.  
  
Apparently you don’t know her as well as you thought (the last two days have shown you that), and a first date -a real one- is the best time to find those things out on.  
  
“Romance is something that you can’t really put into one category. It’s subjective.”  
  
You nod slowly, a little annoyed by her evasive answer, “Then subjectively spoken, do you think you are a romantic person?”  
  
Carmilla chuckles lowly, and it makes your stomach twist and turn, “I put in effort for the people that are worth it, yes.”  
  
  
“That’s your definition of romance?”  
  
Your co-star furrows her brows, “I didn’t say that. I’m merely saying that the ones that I care about, or care enough for, deserve special treatment in my opinion. And maybe that makes me a little romantic, though I suppose that is the case for every human being. You do a lot of things for people you fancy.”  
  
“So are you saying you _fancy_ me, Miss Karnstein?”, you say in an exaggerated English accent (aka butchering it).  
  
“Maybe.”, she chirps, and you like how her voice drops a bit at the end.  
  
It conveys her insecurity and though you like Carmilla’s confidence in some things, you love her uncertainty, when it comes to you.  
  
  
  
  
You don’t know what you expected. You only dated a handful of girls, from which most weren’t worth sticking around, for several reasons, but all of them had something in common: Every single one of them took you out to an overpriced restaurant on your first date.  
  
The place you currently are at is probably the complete opposite. It’s a rusty, old pub that smells like heavy liquor and smoke, has wood panels on the walls, and an old jukebox in the far back that is currently playing 70ies music.  
  
You see a bearded fifty-something man behind the well lit bar, eyeing you meticulously. Carmilla turns towards you and lifts up an eyebrow.  
  
  
“Do you drink beer?”  
  
You smile at her, “Brown ale.”  
  
“I knew, I liked you for a reason.”, she chuckles and saunters over to the bar and orders- or at least that’s what you think.  
  
  
You walk up to the jukebox to go through the songs. You notice a lot of oldies, most of which you don’t even recognize.  
  
  
“And now tell me, would you pick option one or two?”, Carmilla is suddenly beside you, and looking at you expectantly.  
  
“Uhm- Two- No, one! **One**.”  
  
She cocks an eyebrow, “Sure?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“I hope you’re good with balls then.”, she winks and offers you a hand.  
  
  
You go through a narrow -unlit- hallway, down some stairs, through some thick velvet curtains and find yourself in a semi-large room filled with… Billiard tables.  
  
You turn towards Carmilla with an excited grin.  
  
  
“Are we gonna play?”  
  
Carmilla giggles delightfully, “That was the plan. Have you ever played?”  
  
You shrug, “Once or twice, yeah.”  
  
“So you’re familiar with the rules?”  
  
“Yes.”, you nod curtly.  
  
“Well then, let’s get into it, Cutie.”, she drawls.  
  
  
Just when you’re about to pick out a fitting cue, that bartender comes with two large pints of beer. A light one for Carmilla -which surprises you a bit- and the dark one for you. Carmilla thanks him and picks out a pool cue herself.  
  
  
After having set up the balls, she eyes you expectantly.  
  
  
“Ladies first.”, she cocks her head towards the table and you position yourself properly, to begin the game.  
  
You hit three times on your first move, and Carmilla raises an eyebrow at you.  
  
“Played once or twice, huh?”, she asks a little skeptically now.  
  
“I might have played it more often than that.”, you admit with a shrug and an innocent smile, and Carmilla narrows her eyes at you.  
  
She isn’t so bad either, and you have quite possibly stared at her backside a little too often -which is totally **not** your fault.  
It’s not your fault when _those things_ happen to find themselves right in front of your eyes.  
  
And maybe you like the fact that those pants are really tight on her. As if they were made solely for her, or the fact that every time Carmilla leans forwards, her cropped lacy top rides up to reveal more skin. It’s like the universe is sending you signals. You can’t help, but look in that direction (totally not your fault, yeah).  
  
  
  
  
You both are into your fourth game -you having won two times now, and Carmilla once- when you notice something.  
  
(Also: You are into your second beers by now. And the good kind of sober/tipsy.)  
  
  
“Hey Carm?”  
  
She jerks her head up, and throws you a questioning look from her position, “If you’re trying to distract me, so that you can win-”  
  
You laugh at her sentence and she straightens up and holds the cue between her two hands, leaning onto it slightly and quirking up both of her eyebrows. It’s cute that she is so much into the game. Carmilla really wants to beat you, and you still don’t know, if letting her win the last round so that she would feel better about herself, was the right decision.  
  
(Not that she is bad -no, she is really good, but you are just better.)  
  
  
“What?”, your co-star asks you with a pout.  
  
“Nothing… But like… I have a question concerning safety and all… I haven’t seen any other customers around here, and normally I’m not so fussy, but the bar guy looked weird… And I was just wondering… Is this some kind of sick shit, where you pretend to like me and then throw me into the cellar and sell my organs to make money or something?”  
  
Carmilla’s expressions have turned from amused to shocked and then to confused in only a few seconds.  
  
  
“I’m sorry **what**?”, she shakes her head slightly. Confusion it is.  
  
“It’s a tiny bit odd that we are the only ones here.”, you explain a little more clearly.  
  
“Oh... Well… The bar just opened for us today. So it’s perfectly normal that you won’t meet the regular Friday people here.”  
  
You’re sure you must look absolutely shocked, “You seriously shut down a bar to have a date with me?”  
  
“Yeah, I don’t think you’d like people to be all over you or _us_ \- And quite frankly…”, Carmilla abandons her cue, by leaning it onto the table and walking over to you languidly, “I didn’t feel like sharing you tonight.”  
  
  
You feel the warmth in your face -and it’s probably not just the alcohol now- while Carmilla approaches you like you are prey.  
You watch her walk towards you, and position herself right behind you, when she starts to whisper.  
Your head is turned slightly, so she can speak directly into your ear.  
  
  
“It’s such a shame that you know how to play. I could have showed you…”  
  
“Oh yeah…?”, you ask (your voice is more high pitched than usual).  
  
“Mhm…”, her upper body presses against yours, as a hand comes to rest on top of your right one that is resting on the table, and the other grazes your arm.  
  
You are wearing a short sleeve, so of course she sees the effect she has on you.  
  
Carmilla presses a lingering kiss to your jaw, just where your neck begins, and your breath hitches. You hear her low chuckle. And it is…  
  
**Smug.**  
  
You don’t give her the victory, so you swallow down _those feelings_ , and shove her away gently, by leaning back into her body.  
  
  
“It’s your turn, Karnstein. Come on, I wanna win finally.”, you gesture towards the table, and turn around in the process, only to find Carmilla staring at your- Okay, no she was totally **not** checking you out. Probably. Maybe.  
  
“Oho, do you really think you can beat me? When I’m on a lucky streak?”, Carmilla challenges you, and you raise an eyebrow now.  
  
“I don’t _think_ , Carm. **I know.** We’re in 3 out of 5 and I already won 2.”  
  
Her jaw drops, and she feigns shock, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Creampuff.”  
  
  
  
You do win the fourth round.  
  
And Carmilla seriously looks defeated, when you let the black 8-ball roll into the right socket.  
  
And you might be enjoying her sad self a little too much, because she is cute that way. You decide that you like her like this.  
  
  
“This isn’t fair.”, Carmilla says, when you two are stacking the balls into their designated place.  
  
“What isn’t?”, you chuckle.  
  
“Why are you _so_ good at this? No one ever beats me.”  
  
You approach her and squeeze her shoulder lightly, “Oh come on, don’t be sad. I can’t help my abilities.”  
  
“Uh-huh.”, she rolls her eyes.  
  
  
“I let you win one game, didn’t I?”, she hears you and licks her lips, before turning towards you and you are already gone.  
  
  
Carmilla opens her mouth in protest, and you don’t know what comes upon you, but you just have to kiss her. So you do.  
  
  
You feel her hand on your neck, drawing you in closer, so that you cannot escape, and you don’t know, how you resisted for so long. She’s warm and her fingers are soft against your sensitive skin, and you can’t help but smile, when she hums, as you run your nails over her bare skin on her stomach, that you now can access, because her top has ridden up due to her elevated arm.  
  
When you pull back, you catch her relish the proximity for a moment longer than you. Her eyes are closed and there is a content smile on her face and you find her so, so beautiful that way. The scarcely lit room making her features sharper, the shadows punctuating her edgy face.  
  
Carmilla opens her eyes to find you staring at her, and you don’t even look away, but lean in closer, dragging your fingers over her sharp jawline and she gives you a contemplative look. Her eyes drop to your lips once more, and you give her another small peck.  
  
  
“How about we go get something to eat? I can’t let a girl starve on a date.”, she says finally, when she has recovered from your spontaneous action (that she probably didn’t mind).  
  
“You’re the one, who planned this. Lead the way.”, you respond with a smile, and she reciprocates with a smirk.  
  
  
And she does comply. You notice that your hand fits in hers, like you two were meant to be together.  
  
And it’s so cheesy to think that, but it’s the way you feel about this.  
  
  
You’re again surprised that Carmilla doesn’t take you to some fancy eating place, no, she takes you to a parking lot, where a man sells tacos from a van. And it’s probably the best thing that you have ever eaten. And you tell her so. The smile she gives you in return is one of the more beautiful ones. You need a scale for all her beautiful smiles and smirks, and laughs and giggles -oh, yes, Carmilla giggles around you. But only around you.  
  
  
  
  
“Did you have a good time?”, Carmilla asks you, once you are on your way to your hotel again.  
  
“Yeah- It was really special…”, you contemplate on whether or not you should be saying this, but then you just do, “I think it was one of the best dates ever. And subjectively speaking… Like _really_ subjective… I do think that you are a secret romantic softie.”  
  
Carmilla doesn’t really object, “Quite possibly.”  
  
You chuckle at her answer.  
  
  
“You know… I grew up like this. I mean, I didn’t know much about fancy cuisine and that stuff back in the days. I lived off places like we went to for food. I figured you did grow up with all of that noble stuff, and I wanted to take you somewhere you are not that familiar with- And also I kind of wanted to show you _my world_. Well, as well as I could in this foreign city… Though the pool thing was an epic fail.”  
  
  
You stop in your tracks, and she does too, when she catches onto that, and eyes you suspiciously.  
  
And yeah, Carmilla really has the ability to know exactly what you want.  
  
You wanted to get to know her better all this time.  
  
And you actually kind of did.  
  
  
“You couldn’t have known that my dad and I used to play all the time, and that we have a table in our cellar in the house I grew up in.”, you chuckle and she groans.  
  
“I shouldn’t have given you the opportunity to choose. Playing darts would have been so much better. Or are you good at that too?”  
  
You shake your head, “No I’m not, I swear… So was _that_ option number two?”  
  
Carmilla nods and you extend your hand, so that she can take it again. You resume to walking.  
  
  
You just had four hours of peace, and almost forgot that you two are famous. However the sixteen year old girl that approaches you for a selfie is something you both don’t find too intruding. When she asks you two if you really are together, Carmilla drags you away with a wink in her direction, places an arm around your shoulder, and kisses your temple, while walking the remaining few metres to your hotel.  
  
  
The elevator ride is a little awkward, because you two are busy staring down the doors. Your mind is really running on overdrive, because you are thinking about inviting Carmilla into your hotel room, but then again this would be **very** forward.  
  
However you are an adult, and it’s not like this would be a weird one-night-stand, because you have known Carmilla for quite some time now, and even though you both still haven’t defined what is going on, you know that there is a mutual desire for the other. Or at least that’s what you hope.  
  
Ohmigod, what if you got it all wro- You shake your head at yourself, just as the elevator doors slide open and both you and Carmilla walk out- Like the night before.  
  
You turn around once you are in front of your room, and she smiles down at you.  
  
  
“Thanks for the night, Carm. I really did have a good time. And so much fun. I don’t remember having that much fun in a long time.”  
  
“Me too.”, she responds softly, and you just _really, **really**_ like this side of her.  
  
You bite your lip, and just when you release your bottom lip, and stare up into her eyes, she leans in and captures you in a searing kiss. Carmilla moves against you, pinning you effectively to the door (not too roughly though), and you kind of don’t want the security footage to get leaked or something (because again: you two are famous), so you sneakily get out your hotel key card from where it is in your jeans’ pockets, and unlock the door.  
  
You stumble backwards, and Carmilla braces herself with both her hands on the door frame, not daring to enter your room.  
  
  
“You know that you’re not really a vampire, right? You don’t have to be invited in.”, you smile slyly, as you approach her, and twirl a lock of her dark hair in-between your fingers (ready to yank her in).  
  
Carmilla shakes her head, “I can’t.”, and you mouth a silent and surprised _‘oh’_.  
  
You didn’t think that she would deny you- That she wouldn’t want to- Okay, maybe assuming things on the first date shouldn’t have been something-  
  
  
“I would love to… It’s _not_ that I don’t want to, but…”, she breathes out, annoyance evident in her voice, “I have to get to set tomorrow real early… And I _shouldn’t_ -”  
  
“ **Oh** \- No, totally…”, you frown and observe the floor for some seconds. You feel her finger on your chin, making you look up to her again.  
  
“I did have the best time, Laura… And I _would_ , if I could-”  
  
You finally decide that it’s stupid to be disappointed by something like this. Carmilla Karnstein, who you thought to be the biggest player on earth -the same that you have been crushing on for over a year now- turned out to like you back and even asked you on a date and now you are sad that you two can’t have sex? There really is something wrong with you and you make a mental note to call up Dr. Pfeffer, your shrink back in LA, because-  
  
“Laur?”  
  
“What? Oh- Yeah, no I really do understand, Carmilla. Work comes first. For the next six days at least.”  
  
Her expression softens, and really how can you be disappointed now? It really was the best and most perfect date ever.  
  
  
Carmilla kisses you good night. And you know, because that’s how you picture perfect good night kisses to be.  
  
Soft and innocent and meant to conjure up good dreams. You will probably dream of this, of **_her_**.  
  
  
“I’ll make it up to you… Promise.”, she husks and kisses your cheek, before you lose the contact.  
  
You have your eyes closed still, and exhale deeply, before staring into her dark orbs.  
  
And for the smallest fraction of time, you think she means something else.  
  
So you give her your own vague answer, “I’ll hold you onto that.”


	14. Double the Mommy Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve been a fan of hers for a long time.”

“So you two are still shooting the second season, right?”, the TV host of some Canadian TV channel asks you. You agreed to do a public appearance on television, because you could use all the promo you can get. The second season of Afterlife will air in about one month from now after all.  
  
  
Carmilla looks at you, “Yeah, we’ll wrap in three days. We don’t shoot like usual TV shows parallel to airing, that’s why our hiatus is a six month gap. I hope it will be worth the wait.”  
  
  
“I heard, but isn’t that challenging for you? Having so much time in-between shooting?”  
  
“Yeah, we kind of grow out of our characters a bit, but it’s good sometimes. I could easily film a movie in the period we didn’t shoot in last year.”, you answer the host.  
  
  
“You two confirmed your personal relationship on twitter. What can you say about that?”  
  
Of course he would ask you that. You don’t answer, but look at you co-star, who is doing the same thing to you, and when you both catch onto the action, you both begin to chuckle.  
  
“What do you want us to tell you?”, Carmilla raises an eyebrow at the guy.  
  
  
“Has it affected your working relationship? Does it become harder or easier to act as a couple, when you are together in real life too?”  
  
“Well-”  
“Actually-”  
  
This happens a lot lately. You both stumble over each other’s words, or don’t say anything at all. It’s funny sometimes.  
  
“You go first.”, you say. Carmilla smiles at you and you clear your throat.  
  
“Okay, for _me_ I think it has become easier to play Laura’s lover. It’s just the whole dynamics that comes with being together in real life- Or maintaining a somewhat romantic relationship with your co-star. Some things come naturally that way.”  
  
  
“Although I have to say that your chemistry was palpable for the viewers from the start on. Maybe it was fate that you two met on the set of Afterlife?”  
  
“Yeah, Carmilla really is a great actress and I don’t know… There always has been a mutual attraction of some sorts, I guess. I mean, it is easier to play a part, when you don’t hate your partner for the scene, you know what I mean?”, Carmilla looks clearly surprised at your honest answer.  
  
You realize that you can be true to what you feel for her, because this isn’t just pretend anymore. Well not like _that_ at least, because your little romance clearly still is in infancy and budding. The adult version of infancy- _Oh god that sounds so wrong._  
  
“I really hope that you feel more for me than just _not hating_ me, Laura.”, she drawls your name in that one certain way that makes you groggy.  
  
“You know what I meant…”, you roll your eyes at her, “But I have something to add to the other question. It’s actually harder for me to maintain being in character sometimes, when playing Sarah, because it’s more challenging to not giving away my true feelings and that makes me act out of character sometimes, because they are in a different place in their relationship than Carmilla and I are. It’s challenging to catch up with that sometimes.”  
  
Carmilla seems interested in your answer and what you mean by it, you two share an awkward moment, before the TV host moves onto other questions.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries Only two more days of shooting left for our very own diligent actors! We love our cast!  
  
**_June 28, 2016_**

 

* * *

  
  
“What is your mother doing out there?”, Carmilla walks into your trailer and sets down a cup of coffee in front of you, while you are going through the script one last time, before shooting your next block together.  
  
“Post production stuff that she won’t be around for, because she just got cast for a role in a movie that is gonna film in New Zealand.”  
  
Your co-star moves to sit beside you and you forget your script all too quickly, which is not so hard really, when she is so close and you can trace her faint smell of _heavenly whatever_ topped with _divine something else_.  
  
  
“Wanna go over some lines before-”, she starts, but you shut her up with a kiss.  
  
And another, and another, until her breath hitches, and Carmilla drops the topic, to deepen the lip-lock that is going on currently in your trailer.  
  
You stop though, because you don’t want anyone else to walk into your smooching session much like last week, and there you are, simply staring into her eyes.  
  
  
“I could get used to **that**.”, she whispers and leans in again.  
  
“Oh yeah?”, you don’t recognize your own voice, when saying that, but you let her kiss you once more, before shoving her away gently, “Not now, Carm… And certainly not _here_.”  
  
She dodges your lips this time (which were chasing hers, even though you just voiced your aversion to turn this into a more heated make out session), to place kisses on your neck, and you didn’t know how much you missed this type of human contact (gosh, have you been single for _that_ long?).  
  
Carmilla’s one hand is currently placed at the back of your head, tilting it up slightly, so that your throat is more accessible for her, the other snaking its way onto your thigh, moving upwards with each kiss she places against your skin.  
  
  
“God…”, you’re sure you’re gonna combust in the next few minutes, if she keeps this up.  
  
Her smug chuckle that you came to like/find annoying rings in your ears and you turn your head to surprise her with your lips latching onto hers. She moans and you’re far too gone.  
  
At least this time someone knocks -or you have enough mind to notice- and you immediately stop kissing your co-star.  
  
  
“Come in.”, you have to clear your throat and Carmilla straightens back up with an annoyed growl and steals your scripts to go over them (or to keep herself busy, because she certainly isn’t recovered yet from whatever was going on).  
  
  
“Laura- **Oh** , Miss Karnstein…”, your mother is standing there, a little hesitantly looking from you to your co-star.  
  
“What do you want?”, you ask your parent.  
  
“I wanted to see how you were.”  
  
“Peachy.”  
  
“I heard you had off for the next hour, before you shoot again.”  
  
“Uh, yeah I do.”  
  
“Would you like to go out for lunch with me?”  
  
  
You’re seriously surprised by her offer.  
  
  
“You wanna get lunch with me?”  
  
She nods and you look to your right, where Carmilla is staring at your mother through her lashes, and then averts her gaze to you. There is an encouraging smile on her face and you love her for that- Well, you love that quality of hers. Her endless support, no matter what she feels towards certain individuals.  
  
  
“Only if Carmilla can join us.”  
  
You don’t know _who_ is more surprised by _what_.  
  
Because one: Carmilla looks horrified and surprised that you brought her up, and two: your mother nods in acceptance.

 

* * *

  
  
“I hope you don’t think I invited you to piss her off…”, you whisper towards Carmilla, while your mother walks some steps ahead of you.  
  
“Why are you doing this then?”, her voice is low and gravelly and you really, really would like to find yourself in your trailer again. With no mothers trying to redeem themselves and no shooting schedules to think about.  
  
“Because I don’t like spending time apart from you.”, your confession takes her by surprise, and she places her hand on your back, as if she were claiming you and you really like that about her. There are so many sides you’re getting to know of her that you are really starting to like.  
  
  
Your mother looks back for a moment, and when she catches you smiling at your co-star, you see her turn her head quickly in your peripheral and you’re just happy that she doesn’t address the situation. She has been surprisingly composed about Carmilla lately, but what have you learnt in the past?  
  
The calm comes before a storm.  
  
  
  
  
“I heard that you are all going to do a little North America tour with the cast and crew?”, your mother asks while you are busy shoving food into your mouth (the break isn’t that long and you are kind of hungry).  
  
“Yeah, we didn’t get any specific dates yet, but I guess it’s starting in the next few weeks. We are going to a few cities on the west coast.”  
  
Carmilla has been silent for most of the time, and only asked you to pass her a napkin. You nudge her from under the table and suddenly feel her left hand on your thigh. It’s nothing sexual, but it’s the fact that your mother -who is obviously not so pleased with the situation- is sitting opposite to you, not having any idea, what your co-star is doing. And okay, maybe Carmilla’s wandering hand is a little distracting. When you look over to her, she smiles at you sweetly.  
  
Great, you’re _that_ easily turned on (though, who can blame you, when your brain shortcuts to the situation in the trailer, before your mother interrupted you two?). You find her hand and stop it, glancing over to her for a little second, but there is no reaction from her, so she probably either understands or doesn’t find it odd. You go for the latter and intertwine your fingers with hers.  
  
  
“So, Miss Karnstein, are your parents in the business too?”, your mother asks Carmilla, and she draws back her hand. You immediately miss the contact.  
  
“No. My parents aren’t really in the picture.”  
  
“Oh…”, that woman really has the audacity to inquire her further, “So what kind of work did you do before this?”  
  
You are pretty positive she already knows (if her behavior at the award show from one month ago was any indication), but your mother always liked to be difficult.  
  
“Nothing. I’m fresh out of theater school. I haven’t done much before this.”  
  
“This must be such a great opportunity and honor for you to be working with someone that is so known and loved in the industry.”  
  
  
Your eyes grow wide. So _that’s_ what she is trying to do? Rile you two up against each other?  
  
  
When you turn your head to look at her apologetically, Carmilla already is smiling at you- Which you find surprising.  
  
So she **doesn’t** take your mother’s bait.  
  
  
“I know. I’ve been a fan of hers for a long time.”  
  
You sort of knew about that, though she has been very vague about it.  
  
Now that you heard it so clearly out of her mouth, you can’t help but blush and avert your gaze.  
  
  
“Really?”, you ask her with a shy smile.  
  
Forgotten is your mother.  
  
“Mhm… Ever since I was a thirteen-year-old little twerp. Could have watched you for hours.”  
  
You really wish you were alone so that you could talk about this properly.  
  
  
“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”, your mother announces and vanishes.  
  
  
Very convenient. Maybe she can read minds- though you hope she can’t, because your thoughts some minutes ago weren’t all that PG-13.  
  
  
  
“So you were totally enamored with me, huh?”  
  
“Oh, shut up.”, Carmilla rolls her eyes and you have to bite your tongue so you won’t start laughing about the utter adorableness.  
  
“No, no, no _you_ started it. Tell me about it. You never told me.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure your mother started it, and **not** me.”, Carmilla is being so beautiful this way and you can’t help, but take all of her in, and of course she catches onto that, “… What?”  
  
  
  
“You look good today.”, you say after letting your eyes roam around her face.  
  
Ew, you probably sound like some lovesick idiot.  
  
Your co-star inhales deeply and gives you an intense once-over.  
  
“God, how I wish you and I were alone right now…”  
  
You don’t meet her eyes, because you’re sure you would blush, if you were to glance in her direction.  
  
  
“Carm…”, you warn her.  
  
“What?”, she leans into you -too closely- and strokes your lower back, her lips threatening to touch your skin.  
  
  
Just then you realize something, “My mom’s away for pretty long…”  
  
Carmilla groans, “What a buzzkill.”  
  
  
“I already paid, we can go.”, your mother interrupts you two just in that moment and Carmilla backs away, “Oh and... You don’t need to thank me, Miss Karnstein.”  
  
“I wasn’t going to. I can pay for myself.”, Carmilla gets out her wallet and counts some bills.  
  
You try to stop her, “Carm it’s a lost cause.”, but she glares at you and you shut your mouth.  
  
“Some people would show themselves thankful.”, your mother cuts in.  
  
“I’m not _some people_ then. **Here.** ”, she holds out a 100 CAD bill, but your mother only scoffs.  
  
  
“What? You think just because your bank account looks good right now you are a match for my daughter? In a few years you’ll be forgotten, _I_ have left her a legacy. Something _you_ cannot compete with.”  
  
  
You can’t hear her talk like that to Carmilla, “ **What?** I certainly don’t live off your legacy! You did _nothing_ for me! People mostly don’t even know that I’m your daughter. Dad did things for me, and I will let people tell me that, but don't you dare say I have anything -just remotely _anything_ \- from _you_. We just both share the same eyes, and that’s it.”  
  
“We do not talk like that in public, Laura.”  
  
“Oh I couldn’t care less about being in public.”, you counter.  
  
“Laura…”, Carmilla tries to stop you, but you’re in too deep.  
  
“Do you even know, how I was when you left? I was broken, you left me broken. I was twelve, when you left. I thought you didn’t want me. I thought your career and those other men were more important than I was. I was a child, and then you didn’t even make time for me on my birthdays or other holidays. You even forgot them sometimes, you screwed up so badly, and still- Still I wanted to be just like you. Loved, honored, talented. And it goes even as far as you antagonizing Carmilla- Who has been the only one to ever understand me fully. Actually it’s a wonder that I haven’t screwed it up with her. One would think having someone like you as your girlfriend’s mother would chase you away, but no she still is by my side and I’m really ashamed to be your daughter. Really... You know what? Just go to New Zealand and wherever else you want. **You are dead to me.** ”  
  
  
You leave shortly after your outburst, because Carmilla drags you away. She hasn’t said a word to you, but she at least didn’t leave you there. She knows what you need. Always has.  
  
  
“I’m so sorry about what you had to witness... I just-”  
  
“I get it. Really.”  
  
“She was making me furious and I just- It was just- What she said to you-”  
  
Carmilla shrugs, “You don’t have to apologize or feel bad, okay? It’s not the worst thing anyone ever said to me. Your mother is just... Special. And I kind of knew that she doesn’t think I’m worthy of you.”  
  
You stop her, and tug at her hand, so that she will look at you -something she hasn’t done ever since you left the restaurant.  
  
“I don’t think you’re not worthy of me, you know that right? I think you’re beautiful and talented and that you deserve so much more than you think sometimes.”  
  
“And when did you become my therapist?”, she grins, but there is something hidden beneath her expression.  
  
“Why are you so afraid to talk about things? Is it maybe because you find it easier that way? Or is it-”  
  
“Maybe I think that there isn’t anyone to listen to me anyway?”, she offers.  
  
And you stop and frown, because you were going to say something like that, “Yeah…”  
  
“I know that I’m not so good with that. I probably just am screwed up.”  
  
“That doesn’t mean that you’re screwed up. If we are going by that, I’m screwed up too. I have many doubts about myself. After everything, I still wanted to make my uncaring mother proud… So there must be something wrong with me.”  
  
“No. That's normal. I wish… I-”, she is at a loss for words, “I know that feeling.”, suddenly there is a small smile on her lips, “I wish I could could have called my mother a year ago, and tell her that I got cast as a lead for a TV series. I wish I could tell my dad. I get you.”  
  
“You never talk about that.”  
  
“Because it’s not important-”  
  
“It is to me. Can’t you see that I’m interested in your life? Don’t you get that I want to get to know you? Don’t you understand that I wanna know all those things so I have reasons and justifications for the way you act? So I know your point of view? So I can comprehend how everything is for you? Or simply because I care?”  
  
Carmilla nods slowly, observing the floor, but you don’t get any elaborations, or answers.  
  
Maybe it was too much at once, “Come on, Carm. We have to get to set…”, you let go of her hand and walk ahead, with her trailing behind you.  
  
“Laura… Wait...”, she sighs loudly.  
  
“We can talk about this another time.”  
  
  
  
You wrap that day at some time around midnight. Currently you are in your trailer packing up all your things (you stop shooting soon, and there are a lot of things of yours lying around in that place), when Carmilla knocks on your door. You know it’s her, because she has a certain way to do it. It’s amazing how you realize those little things about her.  
  
You look back and she walks in wordlessly.  
  
  
“Can we talk about before?  
  
For some seconds you want to say no and that you’re tired and that it has been a long day, but you won’t get a chance to talk properly with her that often, so you nod and give her your undivided attention.  
  
“It’s like all the real talks between you and I happen in here.”, you joke and try to lift up some tension from the situation.  
  
Carmilla smiles shortly and plops down on the little couch in the trailer.  
  
  
“When my mother…  Whenever I think about that day on which I was taken from her, I always just remember her crying and not wanting to let me go. She wasn’t a bad person. She wasn’t even a particularly bad mom. She did care for me, and she loved me. She just didn’t love herself. She was depressive and her mood swings were a hell to deal with. I was so, so young. I don’t remember all of it, but I always remember her telling me to go back, when I was grown up. To not forget her. To come back.”  
  
Her posture deflates and you move to sit beside her, running your palm over her shoulders, until her gaze stops on you. She takes your hand from where it is on her back and squeezes it gently before continuing.  
  
“I never visited her. I couldn’t. When I turned eighteen, all I wanted to do is get out, go try my luck in Hollywood. I had some money saved up, and rented out a shitty apartment. I took acting classes and juggled three different kinds of jobs and- Well… I made it this far.”  
  
“And you can be proud of that.”, you tell her.  
  
“My mother always believed in me. That’s one thing I will never deny. And I just don’t know if she would be happy to see me now. If she would forgive me for giving up on her. I think about that a lot. See, I **am** screwed up. I can’t- I always tell myself that I don’t blame her, but part of me did back then. And that’s why I haven’t had the urge to go back and _now_ …”, she sighs.  
  
“Would you want to know how she is? Would you want to visit her now?”  
  
“Yeah, but I don’t know if it’s too late. And even if she would want me to go see her… What if she doesn’t like who I’ve become?”  
  
“Carmilla… If I may butt in here, I mean- I know you for a while now and I know how great of a person you are… Of course she would want to see you. You are her daughter, and the way you just talked about her… I’m sure she would love to see you. She would be happy, if you would visit her.”  
  
“Yeah? You really think that?”  
  
“Of course! Look at how beautiful you turned out!” _What the hell are you saying?_ “I mean, a beautiful person- in and out. Uhm- I’m not making this any better, am I?”  
  
Carmilla grins widely, “You’re sweet.”  
  
“Thanks for sharing that with me.”  
  
“I just realized that if we- If I want this thing between us to have a future, I need to talk, right?”  
  
You can’t help but smile at her for that, “Talking is good. I like talking.”  
  
Especially, when she talks about having a future with you.  
  
“Never would have guessed that one, Creampuff.”, she rolls her eyes, and you giggle at that comment.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries Last day on set!  
  
_**June 30, 2016**_

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla walks you to set on your last day of shooting, even though her only scene with you - **the one** \- is scheduled for later. She wants to use the time to pack up all her little belongings she left all around her trailer. At least that’s what she tells you, because you think she just wants to spend some time with you in-between filming.  
  
You don’t call her out on that though, because you welcome a not-so-tight schedule for the day which allows you both to have a bit more time for each other. Technically you would have much more time after, but Carmilla is going to stay some more days in Vancouver and you are flying out to LA first thing on Monday, so you really just take what you can get.  
  
Being a well known actor has its perks, but definitely also it’s downsides.  
  
  
“Hey, so after we wrap today, would you like to go-”, you try to ask Carmilla out, but get interrupted by LaF, calling you into the break room.  
  
“Could you two please come in here, Perr’ and I need to show you guys something…”  
  
  
You tuck away your question to something you’ll ask Carmilla later on, and follow the lead of the two redheads and sit down on one chair, your co-star close behind you.  


  
“Here… Read.”, you take the page of paper your producer holds out for you and start reading.  
  
  
After you are finished, you look to your right, where Carmilla has been reading over your shoulder.  
  
  
The look you give each other at the new revelation is the one of surprise and something you can’t quite place…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people may have noticed that I have a new co-author.  
> peptobismolbird was so sweet to offer proofreading for this fic!  
> So I guess this is me doing an official thank you note or something.


	15. Carmilla, the Award-Winning Actress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I kind of am relieved that we aren’t going to have sex in front of a camera…”

“Wait so what is this exactly?”, Carmilla asks LaFontaine, because she clearly doesn’t get the fuss about that document.  
  
“Our head producing company doesn’t want us to put in an explicit sex scene. We have to stay PG-13.”, Perry explains, while you and Carmilla are rereading the words on the piece of paper.  
  
“That means?”, you ask- because you always thought PG-13 is strictly kissing only.  
  
“That means we are doing a tasteful fade to black after you guys are stripped down to your underwear. It is just suggesting the viewers to draw from it whatever they please- Which in my opinion is very clear, but you know... That is the regulation.”, LaFontaine shrugs and matches your gaze with risen eyebrows. As if they were saying something between the lines, “Plus ever since you two are together in real life, we thought it wouldn’t be as much of an intrusion in your personal life.”  
  
  
“Good.”, Carmilla nods and you raise your eyebrows at her.  
  
“I thought you didn’t mind shooting a sex scene anyway?”  
  
Your co-star regards you with eye-contact, but doesn’t say anything in response.  
  
  
“We are gonna…”, LaF and Perry leave you two alone and you don’t avert your eyes from Carmilla.  
  
  
“What changed?”  
  
She shakes her head and smiles slightly, but you don’t let her get away with it.  
  
“What is it? Say it.”, you demand.  
  
“I don’t have anything to say. ”, Carmilla shrugs nonchalantly, but there is something.  
  
“Why are you feeling shy about this all of a sudden? You were the one with all the innuendos some months ago.”  
  
Carmilla sighs and you try to read her. As best as you can, because you can’t really say you know her like this. You **don’t** know her like this.  
You were only really good friends up until now. Your whole dynamic has changed ever since… That _thing_ between you two.  
  
“Well some months ago we _weren’t_ \- I thought… I loved messing with your mind, but _now_ …”  
  
“Now **what**?”  
  
She shrugs again. Carmilla is infuriating this way.  
  
“You can call me old-fashioned, but... I kind of am relieved that we aren’t going to have sex in front of a camera... When we haven’t even…”  
  
“ **What?!** When we haven’t even _what_ …?”  
  
Carmilla’s eyes grow wide -probably not expecting her own explanation to be that blunt- and suddenly she is retreating.  
  
“Whatever- I have to- You are filming soon- I should go pack up my stuff.”  
  
  
However of course you don’t let her get away with that…  
  
  
“Carmilla, stop for a second!”  
  
She does, but she doesn’t turn around to meet your eyes. And silence is also working for her right now apparently.  
  
“You do know that we wouldn’t really be having- I mean- Okay, that’s _so not the point_ , but this is still going to be sexual. People are going to see us semi-naked, I don’t think this is much of an improvement. The scene like it originally was planned would have been tasteful anyway, we wouldn’t have been seen completely naked.”  
  
“It sounds like you are disappointed.”, she finally turns around with a look of inquiry on her face.  
  
“No, I don’t care. This scene is going to be hard for me to film either way.”  
  
“Really? Why?”  
  
It’s your turn to raise your eyebrows at her, “Because first of all it’s a challenge for every actor. I mean, you do it in the end, because it’s your job, but still… And secondly… Because I’m nervous… I mean, we haven’t done anything like this, and…”, you trail off, hoping that she will participate in this conversation. Hoping that she feels the same, or at least something akin to what currently is running through your mind.  
  
“Wait, what do you mean by _we haven’t done anything like this_? Do you mean like- Ehh…”  
  
Oh god, this conversation has turned into a totally awkward stammering contest and you don’t know if seeing Carmilla like this (faintly blushing and nervous) wins over your own embarrassment. But you decide that it doesn’t, so you help yourselves out of the misery you both are currently in.  
  
“I mean you and I- Well, _Alice and Sarah_. Our characters. We didn’t have to play something like this yet- That’s what I meant.”  
  
~~_**Totally.**_~~  
  
Carmilla is quick in nodding, “Yeah, yeah. **They** haven’t. Because **they** haven’t had the time until episode 13. With their intruding jobs and uh- Fighting against evil and all that.”  
  
“Right.”, you nod slowly, and your co-star looks more relaxed, though there is something unsaid between you two.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries posted a photo: These two are into their final scene for this season. -with @CarmillaKarnstein, @TheRealLauraHollis  
  
  
**_June 30, 2016_**

 

* * *

  
  
If you had told yourself a year ago that you would be in this situation, you wouldn’t have believed yourself. You wouldn’t have believed yourself that it would be hard filming such a scene for you. Because up until now you didn’t care. Those two men that you had to shoot sexual content with were professionals, and it was an act.  
  
The whole thing is called **acting** after all.  
  
But with Carmilla… It’s a whole different level of acting and not letting too much on.  
  
The scene is not even supposed to be _that_ scandalous, as you learned some hours ago. Or not at all actually. You both still have your pants on, Carmilla is still wearing her top (that you have to take off of her) and the blouse you are wearing is parted. Carmilla is hovering above you and trying not to touch you as it seems, because she is proving some arm strength to you right now. Your co-star is trying hard not to lie down on top of you fully (which is so ridiculous, but you let her have that).  
  
Your director is currently talking to someone, trying to visualize everything, so that you two share a fairly intimate moment.  
  
  
“Carmilla, you okay there?”, you ask her in a whisper, because you see her making a weird face.  
  
“I uh- Like your perfume. Is it new?”, she is trying hard not to check you out too much, which makes you fill with pride. Because _you_ make her feel this way. You are loving this new side of her.  
  
“I don’t have one on right now. That’s how my body smells after showering.”, you utter a kind of weird and dorky -albeit true- comment to ease the tension, but it doesn’t help.  
  
Why the hell is she freaking out so much? What kind of question was that?  
  
“I don’t get why we can’t just start already.”, she groans, “My forearms are starting to hurt.”  
  
Well it’s her fault, really. She’s the one holding herself up above your body, even though…  
  
“Just relax.”, you grasp her waist, and tug her down, so that part of her lower body comes to rest on yours, “Better?”  
  
Her only reply remains a short, ragged breath and just when you’re about to ask her what’s wrong, Kirsch speaks to you.  
  
  
“Okay Sarah and Alice, you both ready?”  
  
“Yeah.”, is Carmilla’s curt response and the director calls action.  
  
  
“Season 2, episode 13, scene 18, take one. Action!”  
  
  
And as soon as Kirsch calls action, everything changes. The air shifts, because Carmilla does her bedroom eyes (or that’s what you call her expression right now, because… WOW).  
  
Her palm drives over your bare stomach and she hooks her fingers into your jeans -just slightly- and you feel her fingertips hovering just above your panty line and it makes your breath hitch and well- Good for the scene you guess.  
  
You observe her face for any indication of what to do next, because she is supposed to kiss you, but instead of that, she leans down and stops just as your foreheads touch and closes her eyes.  
  
  
“You okay?”  
  
That’s not in the script, and you actually aren’t intending to improvise. You aren’t talking to Alice right now, you are asking Carmilla.  
  
She nods her head and opens her eyes again, and then she dips down to meet your lips. It’s much like the kiss you shared in the trailer some days ago. It feels intimate and soft at first, but grows more passionate. You feel her tongue against yours and reciprocate just as ardently and simultaneously remember that one time some weeks ago _that_ happened and you denied her entrance. You briefly think about how she professed having feelings for you for a long time, because now all of it has much more worth in the broader spectrum.  
  
Carmilla grinds down, because it is necessary to be closer to you, so that the kiss will be visible on camera fully, and from this point of view one could say that that was scripted, however you have to repress the urge to moan. Even though it would be great for the scene. It’s your fault actually, because you have guided her hips to rest between your legs. And now they are **there**.  
  
_So yeah, good job, Hollis._  
  
Carmilla bites your lip and you’re surprised that she is being this complete different version of herself of just some minutes ago. It dawns on you that she is _that_ professional. She is very focused and- Okay _oh god she is doing that thing again_ , where she is nibbling on your neck and it takes you by complete surprise.  
  
**Again.**  
  
You fist your hands in her top and remember that you are supposed to take that thing off. You slide your hands down her lean body, grazing her sides, squeezing her waist shortly in the process and touch her under the shirt and inch upwards, trailing her ribs. The fabric of her shirt is gathered at your wrist and you know that if she doesn’t finally stop distracting you with her lips latching onto your neck, you will touch her bra- which you are so focused on not letting happen.  
  
Which is completely stupid, really.  
  
Courageous is what you would call yourself, because you ignore your inner chant about not wanting to touch her inappropriately, because yeah you are shooting a moment that is supposed to lead to sex. And people always tell you how professional you are. So if Carmilla can manage, you can too.  
  
The shirt is barely covering anything of your co-star’s stomach anymore and you don’t know if it’s accidental or not (maybe denial in your brain), but your fingertips brush against the underside of her breast, which you hope is not visible to the camera (because people don’t need to see _that_ much of her), but you very much feel it and people at home would be able to see where exactly your hand currently is.  
  
You hear Kirsch calling, “ **CUT!** Guys, keep it in your pants! Laura, your hand’s not supposed to go there. That’s not within what we call-”  
  
  
“Okay- Okay! I’m sorry that was unintentional.”, you let him know and roll your eyes.  
  
So that isn’t PG-13 anymore? Good to know.  
  
  
The first time you catch Carmilla’s eyes on you after that little incident is the first time you see that devilish smirk on her. You narrow your eyes.  
  
“What?”  
  
She makes this annoyingly attractive movement with her mouth -that you have to follow with your eyes- and then her lips form into a smirk.  
  
“Your hand Laura. You have to move it in order for me to put on my shirt properly again.”  
  
Your eyes drop to the perpetrator and _ohmigod_ you were touching her **there** all this time!  
  
You of course move it to place it beside you on the bed. Totally **not** an awkward and swift movement.  
  
  
“Sorry…”, you’re sure you are blushing right now.  
  
“Don’t be. I liked it there.”, god how is she this smug right now? When minutes ago she was a mess?  
  
And how does she never feel bad teasing you?  
  
You roll your eyes at her this time, “Yeah? I’m sure you did.”  
  
“Yeah you should do that when we’re not on camera.”, she drawls and wiggles her eyebrows.  
  
  
She says it for the entirety of your crew members to hear.  
  
  
“You guys we are still rolling in case you forgot that all of us were here.”, you hear LaFontaine’s annoyed voice and follow where it came from.  
  
  
An apologetic/shy smile and some awkward fumbling with your own hair later…  
  
  
“Season 2, episode 13, scene 18, take two. Action!”

 

* * *

  
  
“Wow, I can’t believe that we wrapped season two.”, is what Carmilla says after you finish your last take.  
  
“Time flew away right?”  
  
“It’s like we got cast just some weeks ago and then- It’s crazy.”, she drives her hands through her hair and gazes up to the ceiling.  
  
  
“Are you tired?”, you want to know, because actually you had plans to ask her to dinner.  
  
Carmilla finds your eyes and furrows her brows, “We just spent two hours in a bed. It’s not like I exerted myself. _You_ are the one who filmed for six hours straight. Are you?”  
  
“No actually, I thought you’d like to go get some dinner with me or something. I’ll buy.”  
  
“Really? You want to go get dinner, even though we just had late lunch at five?”  
  
“Well okay, not dinner then… But…”, you approach Carmilla and place your hands gingerly on her shoulders, “I’d like to do something with you tonight. Because we barely-”  
  
  
“Laura, Carmilla you guys up for a trip to the bar down the street? We’re all going to celebrate… Or are you guys gonna go _continue that scene_ privately.”, Betty is so annoying sometimes. She’s a good friend, and hilarious at times, but now she’s simply annoying.  
  
  
Carmilla draws back from you and groans. She doesn’t like it, when the castmates talk about you two like that.  
  
  
“Well- I don’t know… Would you like to go?”, you ask Carmilla and she seems to think about it, before regarding Betty with an unimpressed look.  
  
“Okay yeah. Why not?”  
  
You are quite surprised, and actually a little disappointed that she doesn’t want to be alone with you, but you smile anyway and walk to your trailer to change.  
  
  
This is it. That was the end of season two and season three will probably start its filming in late November. (Yes, you got the okay for a third season some days ago, and it was great hearing that.) The pause between filming is shorter this time, but still it will mean five months of not seeing Carmilla constantly and it is starting to worry you.  
  
She doesn’t even live near to your place in LA anymore, and actually you have no idea where Carmilla is going to be living now that you wrapped up. You know that she has to have a place where all her stuff is locked away, but other than her storage space she doesn’t have a home and it’s actually weird to think about that fact.  
  
  
  
  
The bar is filled with smoke and weird old biker dudes that observe you all skeptically, when you enter. You guess it’s better than having fangirls around. Almost no one recognizes the cast and crew of Afterlife and the few that do, are fangirling in silence or at least that’s what you think, because you all are led to a separate section of the bar anyway. With far less people.  
  
It reminds you of the first date you had with Carmilla.  
  
Which seems so far away right now, because even though it’s been only a week ago, you feel like an eternity has passed. It’s funny, because the whole shooting process appeared to be so short, but everything that happened with your co-star feels like it’s been going on for too long.  
  
And you actually would like to talk about it. About what it is for her.  
  
However you are very scared of the outcome of the talk and what it will lead to.  
  
  
  
“You guys did a fantastic job. Even though some of the cast and crew are missing, I would like to drink on you all. Thanks for being such hard working people, you guys we have yet another season in the can, and we got the okay for the next season! I’m so proud of us! To us all!”, LaFontaine lifts up their glass of whatever alcoholic beverage and tips it.  
  
Just in that moment Carmilla emerges from somewhere and sits beside you. She went to the hotel to get ready and that’s why she’s here so late.  
  
  
“Did I miss something?”, she whispers towards you.  
  
“No, you just came in the right moment.”, you tell her, “What do you want to drink?”  
  
“Nothing. Yet.”, she avoids your eyes and then she leans back and listens to what Perry is telling one of your castmates about the tour that is planned in July.  
  
Something is off, but you don’t comment on it.  
  
  
  
You lose and find Carmilla in the course of the night.  
  
When you go on search for her, you find her talking to some girl in the far back of the bar. You’re not sure why exactly it happens, but you know you hate it, when you get that annoying feeling in your gut.  
  
You see the girl leave her side and Carmilla absentmindedly picks at her nails and looks lost. Like she doesn’t belong, like she doesn’t want to be here in the first place. Maybe she is much better in showing what you feel for this situation. Although you don’t know her reasons, because she actually agreed to be here.  
  
  
  
“Hey…”, you approach her and give her a tight-lipped smile.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Why are you all the way over here?”  
  
Carmilla shrugs, as she traces the rim of her glass with her index, “I just needed some time for myself.”  
  
“Is everything alright?”  
  
“Yeah… Why wouldn’t it be?”  
  
“Because you seem extra broody ever since… I don’t know actually.” You don’t.  
  
Her dark orbs find you and her eyes roam around your face for a moment, before she sighs.  
  
  
  
“Laura… What are we doing?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean... This- **Us** …”  
  
“We’re celebrating.”  
  
Carmilla fully turns to you and there is something indecipherable in her expression.  
  
  
“I’m talking about something else.”  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“We’re done filming. You’re going to be in LA from Monday, and I’m gonna be here…”  
  
  
It’s your turn to sigh, “And?”  
  
“And we’re busy people.”  
  
“And?”  
  
She gestures with her hands in an attempt to get you to understand what she means, but you don’t.  
  
“And we’re most probably aren’t gonna see each other for a long amount of time.”  
  
  
Yeah, or maybe you just didn’t want to think about **that**.  
  
That Carmilla too might be thinking about your inevitable, indefinite good bye.  
  
Because that’s what this job takes from you. Your freedom. As much as it gives to you, it also takes.  
  
  
“Do you know how long you’re shooting for that role?”, you ask her.  
  
Carmilla got a guest role in a series that also films in Vancouver. That’s her reason to stay back.  
  
“A little longer than a week.”  
  
“And after that week?”  
  
“I don’t know yet what I’ll do. Where I’ll go. I don’t have anything. Anywhere to go.”  
  
You tentatively try to reach out for her, but she groans and intertwines her own fingers and drops her hands into her lap.  
  
  
“Your mother is right.”  
  
And that’s a sentence you never expected to hear from her. Your full attention shifts to her.  
Not that you weren’t paying attention to her before that, but now it becomes more apparent that you need to listen to her, because whatever she is talking about isn’t true.  
  
“Right about what?”  
  
“About me not fitting into your world. She’s right about that, isn’t she?”  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“When we went out with your mother. She said some things that stuck with me.”  
  
“You listened to her? Carm, I told you that what she said was wrong and not worth listening to. She just tried to get us- She tried to meddle with us, because she doesn’t approve of my life choices. It wasn’t against you.”  
  
There’s a long pause.  
  
“It was though, and I’ve been thinking about this…”  
  
“Since when have you been thinking? No- Really... Because... Everything was good. Up until some hours ago everything was good. We were good. You were sweet and flirty all this time and- I’m seriously asking you, since when Carmilla? Because I thought everything was good- Why are you doing this?”, you might sound a little desperate.  
  
However, you can’t have it like it was between you again. As much as Carmilla told you how much she didn’t like the way your relationship changed last summer, you don’t want it to turn into that again either. Not after having had her on the palm of your hand. Not after- Not after you know that she has feelings for you too- No matter _what_ they are.  
  
  
“Laura…”  
  
  
The way she says your name, so full of trepidation makes you feel faint. You hear your heart hammering in your chest. This doesn’t add up, because something must have happened in order for her to be this way, right? She can’t be that good in acting, can she? She can’t be that good at suppressing- Except she is...  
  
Well she is an actress after all… Award-winning even.  
  
You see words forming on her mouth, but it all gets fuzzy and blurry and the only thing you can think of is running.  
  
**Leaving.**  
  
Because if _you_ leave, the other person can’t leave you. The topic leaving means so much more to you than to regular people. Carmilla of all people should know. And she should have known not to start something with you, if she was going to do something like this.  
  
  
“Laura, wait… You can’t just run out of this like that!”, is what she calls after you.  
  
  
  
And it really is in your hand.  
  
Hearing her out or leaving like she often does.  
  
You’re starting to think that this whole feelings-thing is getting too deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And by the way how great was Act II?  
> Still need to recover from episode 22, ugh!


	16. In State of Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wahah, me in love? I don’t even remember the last time I kissed someone!”

**June, 2016:** _Last Day on Set of Shooting Season 2_  
  
  
Carmilla was standing outside, taking in the set, because it was her last day on it. Even though she knew that there would be at least another season to shoot with the people that slowly, but steadily grew on her. They were all like a family. Branching out, but always coming together to work with each other.  
  
Family was something she wasn’t used to having.  
  
People to rely on.  
  
With a job like hers there was a lot of work to be done in that department. The young actress had to trust the people she worked with. Carmilla was sort of dependent on them, just like they were depending on her. Trust her with her abilities, and by now she had every right to believe that she was talented.  
  
Her first offer came in just like a wave after winning that award. A well known director had been contacting her for a role in his show. And it didn’t matter how small the part was, she did find it to be an honor. For the first time someone was reaching out to her. She didn’t have to wait in line to get auditions. They contacted her to go to the casting. _They_ wanted her to do a chemistry read with their lead actor.  
  
And she went to that audition. She got the role to play the love interest of a well known actor in Hollywood. Sure, she hadn’t played alongside a man in a very long time -her early theater years were the last she had to kiss a man for a part- but still it was a job. A well paid one for the roughly 25 hours she would be working on that project.  
  
Plus, she was not going to say no to a role in a show that was in its tenth season. It meant a lot.  
  
  
However then things turned sideways...  
  
She found out that it wasn’t simply her talent that could open doors for her…

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
You haven’t seen her since last night.  
  
Ever since you spoke about not fitting into her world.  
  
She’s two floors beneath you in her hotel room. Probably sleeping.  
  
  
Sleep didn’t come to you last night. You stayed up wondering, whether you can overcome the difference or not.  
  
If she can, why can’t you? Maybe you are too jaded to believe in the good in people.  
  
That’s your first reasoning, although your other half finds it very disturbing.  
The half of you that knows Laura so well. As if you have known her for so long.  
  
It is odd, isn’t it?  
  
That someone with so much significance in your life tells you that you too have a big part in theirs?  
  
  
And yeah, maybe that’s why it’s so hard to believe it.  
  
Why would she even want you?  
  
You know she does.  
  
  
But you don’t understand why. Why would anyone like her find you worthy enough?  
  
It’s irrational and doesn’t add up. You don’t like uncertainty.  
  
You never have liked uncertainty.  
  
  
Laura is the sun that illuminates the Hollywood sign on a late August day, when you take the time to get to the end of Mullholland Highway.  
  
She’s a star in the constellations that light up the night sky, when you spend a December night on Griffith Observatory.  
  
Although LA is a too bright city for anyone to make out the stars in the dark.  
  
  
Though that’s simply the magic about Laura.  
  
  
You just have to know her like that.  
  
And you’d like to think you know her like that.  
  
Because she did grow to be a very close friend of yours.  
  
  
You know how she has the ability to babble irrelevant things, when she gets nervous. How incoherent her wording sometimes can get, because she talks a mile per second, and how her cheeks get tainted in that faint blush, whenever you coax it out of her. You can do all those things, and you know how to do all those things.  
  
It’s so easy to memorize her little quirks and traits, because for the past ten years it’s all you’ve been doing. You have watched her from afar, not daring to get too close. Actually never imagining that you’d ever be in the same time and space to be that close.  
  
Time and space is something very powerful when it comes to that.  
  
And then everything got turned in your favor. When you decided to go to that audition, even though people told you it was a lost cause. Even though people told you that they wouldn’t cast someone as inexperienced as you. Mattie pushed you to try. Because you could also end up with a minor role, and the series wasn’t something in its n-th season yet. It was something in infancy. A dream of a producer and their best friend, a writer, that actually captivated a broad audience.  
  
  
Your first break-out role.  
  
And also your first taste of the industry.  
  
  
You remember your first day vividly…

 

* * *

  
  
**April, 2015:** _First Day of Shooting for Season 1_  
  
  
It was hard getting used to a new city for the brunette. Vancouver was nothing like she expected. It was clean and tidy -at least where her hotel was situated- and big, but not too big. Not like LA.  
  
When she walked on set for the first time, she felt like the little kid in the candy store.  
  
People were walking around her, desperately trying to get things done, and there she was in childlike wonder, thinking about the fact that _this_ was her job.  
  
  
“You’re here early.”, someone spoke behind her and when Carmilla turned she was graced with the most beautiful smile.  
  
Her co-star was wearing an oversized jacket to keep herself warm (the weather in Vancouver was a little chilly- even for April) and was clutching a pile of scripts to her chest with her left hand.  
  
  
“I wanted to check out the set, before I start filming. Getting to know everyone maybe...”  
  
“That’s why you woke up at -what I guess 3 am? To be on set at 4 in the morning?”, Laura laughed with narrowed eyes.  
  
“Why are _you_ here?”, Carmilla wanted to know.  
  
And really, Laura Hollis seemed to get more attractive every time she saw her, because damn no one was allowed to look like that, when getting to set at 4 am.  
  
“I shoot in about an hour.”  
  
  
Carmilla eyed the scripts in Laura’s hand and then offered her help, “Do you want me to run some lines with you?”  
  
The blonde lit up, “Would you do that?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Laura nodded quickly with a dazzling smile and walked ahead, gesturing Carmilla to follow her.  
  
“Okay. You read Betty’s part. I can’t seem to get the lines right. Don’t know what’s up with me. Usually I’m so good with those things- Ugh. I think I need more coffee. Do you want coffee? We could go to that one café just outside-”, Laura stopped in her ramblings and gazed at her co-star, who was walking beside her, “Sorry, I talk too much, don’t I? I forget sometimes that not everyone’s a morning person like I am!”  
  
The dark haired actress didn’t say anything in response, just gave her a quick grin.  
  
She hated people that were so chipper in the mornings, but somehow Laura made it look endearing on her.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
You haven’t heard from her. Of course you haven’t.  
  
Maybe you screwed up big time or maybe she just needs time.  
  
And you really would like to smack yourself for doing what you did last night.  
  
You’re still very confused from what happened the previous day and it’s making you weak.  
  
  
Whenever you try to talk yourself out of what you feel for Laura, you get stuck. Because something like that doesn’t go away by denial and attempts to annihilate any existing feelings. Those things don’t just go away like that. Not when you’re in too deep. Not when it’s been going on for so long.  
  
  
And it’s not like you tried very hard.  
  
No, instead you choose the coward way out.  
  
Trying to make her say something that will do it for you.  
  
  
Which backfired completely and now she is hurt, and you are too.  
  
  
It’s not her fault that you’re so weak. It’s not her fault that things people say to you get stuck with you. It’s not her fault that your past made you be like this. Your ongoing self-doubt is something you still haven’t learned to co-exist with.  
  
  
Which is normal for most of humanity.  
  
_Self-doubt preserves you from being bigheaded, sweetheart._  
  
Is what _she_ told you. The one woman who taught you your self-doubt and self-hate.  
  
  
Calling **her** _mother_ was hard at times, because she **wasn’t** your mother. Your mother is a depressive alcoholic that couldn’t get her shit together for her five-year old, but yeah bygones, because at least she never treated you _that_ horribly. Maybe biology is a thing after all.  
  
  
But you screwed up that one too, because bingo, _you_ **are** screwed up.  
  
You shouldn’t be trusted with inter-human relationships.  
  
You are better off being distanced and cold.  
  
  
Strangely your trail of thoughts aren’t as dark as usually whenever something bad/unexpected happens.  
  
Maybe it’s Laura’s words that seep through that filter you have in your brain.  
  
  
_‘I don’t think you’re not worthy of me, you know that right? I think you’re beautiful and talented and that you deserve so much more than you think sometimes.’_  
  
  
Do you deserve more than you think though?  
  
Are you worthy of **her**?

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries posted a photo: We wrapped season two yesterday! -with: @ToniB, @TheRealLauraHollis, @CarmillaKarnstein, @Kirsch_Wilson, @melanippecallis89 @elizabeth_anne_spielsdorf, @lolaP, @LaFontaine  
  
  
**_July 1, 2016_**

 

* * *

  
  
**May, 2015:** _Cover Shooting for Afterlife Season 1_  
  
  
Carmilla was rigid and stiff, trying not to move too much, because she was in a compromising situation. Compromising for herself, because Laura was in front of her, head turned towards her and Carmilla was supposed to have her hands on her.  
  
Not that it was too much to ask for, but they weren’t even a canon couple on the show yet, but still everyone knew what the main ship of the show was.  
  
Alice and Sarah all the way, because duh, there had been a chemistry read for the actresses of those two.  
  
However still, Carmilla was a little hesitant.  
  
  
“Carmilla, is something wrong with me, or why are you trying to avoid me like I have a contagious disease?”, Laura whisper-giggled.  
  
“What? No- I wasn’t!”  
  
The blonde reached backwards, accidentally touching Carmilla’s thigh in the process and when she finally found her co-star’s hands, she guided them to her waist. She even went as far as wrapping herself up in Carmilla’s embrace, hands resting on her stomach. It was a cute pose, really.  
  
_Effective._  
  
Carmilla took all of the courage she had in her, and rested her chin on Laura’s shoulder.  
  
The flashlights went off, and then Laura moved her head once again, kissing her co-star’s cheek.  
  
  
“Ah! Act in love!”, the photographer cheered.  
  
  
“Wahah, me in love? I don’t even remember the last time I kissed someone!”, Laura broke out into laughter, “How do people do?”  
  
  
That was Carmilla’s cue, because _she_ was supposed to know, how people acted that were in love.  
  
Because she very much was in love with her girlfriend- That **wasn’t** the woman she currently held in her arms…  
  
The dark haired actress spun Laura around in her embrace, and turned a little, so the camera would catch them from the side.  
  
  
“Well first of all they look at each other like there is **nothing** else in the world worth looking at.”, Carmilla explained and placed her hand gingerly on Laura’s waist, tugging her closer, “You’re an actress. You can work with that, can’t you?”, the brunette drawled and the blonde’s breathing hitched.  
  
  
Laura was feeling the energy. The darkness of Carmilla’s eyes could swallow her whole. And how was she supposed to think of anything else than being her co-star’s whole world, when the galaxy in her eyes consumed her? When she felt like she was aligning to the planets in Carmilla’s eyes?

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
**Unknown Number** (11:34am): Miss Karnstein, I hope you have considered my offer.  
**Unknown Number** (11:35am): I so do hope we have a deal.  
  
  
You reread those messages for the umpteenth time.  
  
It’s funny that both of Laura’s parents have your number.  
  
  
Her father for one did get it from you personally.  
  
Her mother had other ways to get ahold of it.  
  
  
She’s making sure you stay away from her daughter. It’s about the talk you had with Agnes Forrester the day before.  
  
  
Everything was alright before she showed up at your hotel door.  
  
Laura was right. Everything was good before that happened.  
  
Something did change your way of thinking after that.  
  
  
You hadn’t thought about Agnes’ words that much when you three went out for lunch, because Laura was there to comfort you. Laura was there to tell you that she didn’t think like that. Laura was there to shut up your inner monologue about not being good enough, because she always saw so much in you. However last night she was not there. She couldn’t stop your inner waves of panic.  
  
  
Isn’t it pathetic?  
  
  
You are still thinking about telling Laura about the talk or let her go.  
  
And you don’t know yet which side will win over, but you know you have to make a decision soon.

 

* * *

  
  
**_The Previous Day:_**  
  
  
Carmilla was looking forward to spend some time with her colleagues, before not seeing them every day for the period of half a year. She knew that Laura wanted to do something with her privately, and also the look of disappointment didn’t go unnoticed by her, but she couldn’t really admit that she wanted to say good bye to the rest of the crew too.  
  
Not everyone was going to be on tour for Afterlife, so she did want to spend some time at the bar, and maybe later on continue the night with Laura, privately. The night was long, and they had yet three whole days they could spend together in solitude, before her co-star would leave for LA.  
  
  
A knock on her hotel door brought her out of the daze.  
  
She wasn’t expecting any visitors.  
  
However the woman standing on the other side was the last person she’d expected.  
  
  
“What are you doing here?”, Carmilla asked the visitor- or better: **intruder.**  
  
“Aren’t you gonna invite me in?”, Agnes asked with a fake smile.  
  
“Depends on what you want. Laura isn’t here.”  
  
“I didn’t expect my daughter to be here.”  
  
“Shouldn’t you be on your way to New Zealand now?”  
  
“Are we going to talk in passing? Because I’d rather not have this conversation in the hallway of this hotel, Miss Karnstein.”  
  
The younger actress moved to the side with a defeated sigh.  
  
“Thank you.”, is what Agnes said after she walked in.  
  
  
“Why are you here, if not for Laura.”  
  
“I’m here to offer you a deal.”  
  
“A deal?”, the brunette asked a little dumbfounded.  
  
  
“You see… This industry is a very hard one to survive in. There are so many starving actors… You have made it far, I must say, I was very impressed by your résumé. The school you graduated from... A good one.”  
  
“How the hell did you-”  
  
“Oh please. You apparently don’t know how many contacts I have…”, the woman graciously walked to the window, “However this kind of power also helps me get by. You see, good things come to those who are obedient. To those, who show themselves thankful. That is something you have to learn, my dear.”  
  
Carmilla scoffed, “What? Are you going to threaten me now? That you’ll make my career a living hell? Because in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t need other jobs at the moment. I’m a lead in a series that is pretty successful.”  
  
“So, so skeptical and pessimistic, aren’t we? Quite the contrary, Miss Karnstein. I’m here to offer you a lead part in one of the upcoming movies my producing company is involved with. You surely know that we make films for the big screens... What do you say? _Carmilla Karnstein, the rising star in Hollywood._ _The young actress that made it from scratch._ Doesn’t that sound good?”  
  
The dark haired woman didn’t understand, “Why would you do that?”  
  
“Because I so do hope that we will find common ground. See, I think you’re very talented.”  
  
“Really? Because it didn’t sound like that.”  
  
“That was an unfortunate choice of words, my dear. I may be a little biased in your case. Your involvement with my daughter let me act subjectively, but I am ready to overcome that issue. I don’t care for your personal life. As long-”  
  
Carmilla nodded along, “As long as it’s not with your daughter.”  
  
Agnes smiled, “Quick uptake. **Yes.** ”  
  
“Why would I agree to that?”  
  
“Because you and I are the same, Miss Karnstein. I see parts of myself in you. The struggling, young actress, trying to sleep her way up…”  
  
“Oh believe me, I am **nothing** like you- I don’t need to do that. I don’t fuck around, because I want to be like- **You.** ”  
  
“And what’s the little fling you have going on with my daughter? Do you think that will last? Don’t you think it was her trying to get back at me? She’s using you just like you’re using her. It’s convenient and very well thought out, I must admit, but still… Not bound to endure much longer, I assure you.”, Carmilla couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  
  
  
The young woman clenched her jaw and exhaled deeply. There was no way to outrun Agnes in that argument. She would always counter something more horrible than the last thing she said.  
  
  
“You are not the one she wants. She will find out soon enough. How could someone like _you_ fit into _her_ world? As much as my daughter denies it, she is used to wealth and she was very, very spoiled by her father. There are some things that you simply can’t offer her.”  
  
  
The younger woman didn’t respond to that either, so Agnes took it as her cue to leave the actress with a choice.  
  
  
“I want an answer by tomorrow, Miss Karnstein. Agree to this deal, agree to end that little thing with my daughter and I will make a star out of you. You will be my next prodigy. I will make it my project to rise you up. People won’t forget your name.”  
  
  
A lot of words were said, but the only ones that really stuck to her brain were the ones about not being enough for Laura.  
  
And that’s the state in which she went to the bar. Confused, scared, and feeling like she didn’t belong.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
You just can’t have her mother win this.  
  
Laura was right, something her mother says shouldn’t affect you the way it does.  
  
You can fix this. You can go downstairs and talk to her about that. About all of it. About your feelings, and how you see things.  
  
  
Because coming to think of it a lot of your doubts come from a place you haven’t yet dared to enter. It’s the unknown, the uncertainty that began that little romance between you. Even though you mutually talked about attraction and having feelings for each other, you still haven’t talked about what it all means in terms of your relationship.  
  
  
Laura mentioned something in an interview some days ago that is sitting in the back of your mind. She said that you two weren’t in the same place as your characters were. Which is true and you would like to know her point of view, because there is so much you could be. So much more... And of course also less.  
  
For the public eye you have been together for three months now.  
  
It’s been a month ever since you kissed in front of that club in LA.  
  
It’s time you finally defined what is going on between you two, so you don’t have to escape to that reality. A reality in which you still are nothing to each other than colleagues living out a lie to please viewership. A reality that you want to come true too badly. The reality of her wanting you to be with her.  
  
  
And if you have to profess your love for her in order to overcome this tiny obstacle, so be it.  
  
Because yes, you love her. And it may be wrong to tell her right at this time, but you have to at least make clear what you want.  
  
  
You are terrified that she doesn’t feel the same. That maybe her mother was right about her using you for press and to irk her, but then again, Laura wouldn’t have told you about having felt attraction towards you for so long. She told you that she felt something right from the beginning. She told you that there was more to it. Laura was seriously hurt, when she saw someone else with you. It affected her professional relationship with you, so that must mean something. She can’t be _that_ good at acting.  
  
You hope, oh you hope that so much.  
  
So that’s why you take up all your courage and get into the elevator to press the button to her floor.  
  
  
When the door opens and you turn left to the corner to where her room is situated, you are surprised to see Agnes talking to her daughter.  
  
  
“Carmilla!”, that woman greets you, “I was actually expecting a reply to my messages.”  
  
Laura looks quizzically at you and then at her mother, “What?”  
  
Agnes regards her daughter with a surprised nod, “Don’t you know? Carmilla got offered a huge role for the upcoming movie my company is producing. I told you about that film some time ago, darling.”  
  
“Is that true?”, your co-star asks you with wide eyes, probably trying to connect the dots in her head.  
  
Only you know for sure that she is thinking the wrong thing of it.  
  
  
“Yeah it is…”, you can’t lie about that. You would have told her anyway.  
  
“Very well, I guess you are here to talk about _that_ … I am expecting an answer by this afternoon, Miss Karnstein… I’m sure you won’t disappoint me.”, Agnes has this glint in her eyes and you shiver, when she winks at you, while passing you.  
  
  
  
Great.  
  
  
  
Now there is Laura and you.  
  
  
  
Your beautiful co-star raises an eyebrow skeptically. Her body language tells you what she thinks of your visit: her arms crossed against her chest, her head bowed and only her eyes -that seem darker than usual- look at you. Everything else on her body screams ‘go away’.  
  
Her eyes have the power to grasp at you, tug you closer, and draw you in.  
  
  
  
“So, do you want to tell me why my mother and you suddenly seem to get along? What is going on, Carmilla?”  
  
  
  
It’s the bite in her tone that you don’t like.  
  
It’s her scoff afterwards that you hate.  
  
And you know it’s up to you to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started a Hospital AU -that is complete. Over here you can go read, if that is your cup of tea: [Hospital AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8219009/chapters/18836972)  
> 


	17. Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Does she think we are fucking?”

You sit down on the chair by the window. Laura’s hotel room is a mirrored version of yours. You’ve been in there for a few times -shortly- and never thought about how organized Laura is in comparison to you.  
  
The only thing that looks a little chaotic is her desk, where the scripts are piled up. The scripts that she will probably throw away. Or not. You don’t know what she does with them. You are one to keep them. As a reminder.  
  
Your co-star sits down on her bed slowly, her crossed arms in front of her chest are still there. Her posture is still professional and stiff. Everything about her screams ‘uncomfortable’. And you hate yourself for making her feel that way about you.  
  
  
“How are you?”, it’s the polite thing to ask before dropping a bomb on someone.  
  
  
“Cut the crap, Carmilla.”  
  
_Or not._  
  
You inhale deeply, before you start explaining, “Your mother came by my hotel room yesterday.”  
  
  
Laura’s brows crunch in that familiar way, before she finally -finally- really looks at you.  
  
Not through you, not past you, not looking in your general vicinity, but right at you.  
  
  
“And? What did she want?”, she asks you. She is calm, and composed.  
  
“To offer me the role of my lifetime.”  
  
“Ahhh.”  
  
  
“She told me how talented I was. How she thought I could be a rising star. Just like her.”  
  
Laura scoffs, “Of course she did.”  
  
“She told me that she saw herself in me. That I was using you by sleeping with you.”  
  
She snorts out a laugh, “Oh really? She talked about that? Does she think we are fucking?”  
  
  
You wince. You don’t like her using language like that. Not when it’s something she usually doesn’t.  
  
  
“She thinks that, yeah. Your mother offered me money in exchange for giving up what _we_ -you and I- have.”  
  
“What else? Did you talk about how lucrative her offer is? How much did she offer you, Carmilla? How much could you bargain? How much money did my mother have to offer you for you to consider this?”  
  
“Excuse me... **What?!** ”  
  
“Well you came by the party yesterday and told me how you had doubts about us… So yeah now I got my explanation, didn’t I?”  
  
  
This time it’s your turn to scoff, “Do you really think so lowly of me?”  
   
Laura stands up in an instant, “I don’t. **No**. But you talked about how I deserved _so much_ better than you. How you don’t think we have a future together, because you are not in my world. What does that even mean? What should I think? This seems like you got the perfect out, right? Because you don’t think you can do this anyway and then my mother comes in with the brilliant offer-”  
  
“Could you please not talk about that any further? That’s making me sick. That you think I would be able to do that…”  
  
“Carmilla, then give me _something_. You’re essentially not explaining **anything** to me. I cannot even get a rise out of you, because you are so guarded. You’re really good at talking about things when it comes to the very last resort.”  
  
You have to admit that she is right about that.  
  
  
“I am here to talk. To tell you everything.”  
  
“Really? Because so far all I’m hearing is that you got tons of compliments from my mother and that she got you a role. And that if you play by her rules and stay away from me, you’ll get real famous really fast.”  
  
  
“I didn’t take it. And you know it.”  
  
“But why wouldn’t you?”, she challenges you.  
  
“Because it’s not who I am. I want to earn my roles. I don’t want to get a part, just because the producer behind it thinks she can control me with it… **And** …”  
  
“And what?”, Laura demands impatiently.  
  
“And I don’t like people cutting into my love life.”  
  
“As far as I am concerned you don’t have a love life. And neither do I based on that.”  
  
  
That makes you grow alert, “We don’t?”  
  
“Well after that talk we had yesterday, I thought we don’t.”  
  
“That- You got it wrong, Laura.”  
  
“Really? You telling me that we didn’t fit isn’t like telling me we shouldn’t see each other anymore?”  
  
“No.”, you stand up too, so she can’t talk down on you anymore, “I mean _yes_ … But I had some time to think. I recollected my thoughts.”  
  
“I- But-”, Laura closes her mouth. Clearly a little more interested now, “Recollected your thoughts?”  
  
  
You compose yourself again, looking out of her window, or actually anywhere but her face, “Okay, I will admit that initially I was thinking of just ending whatever it is that we are or were doing… But not solely because of what your mother said... Because see… We’re not going to have much time together in the next few weeks. You’re in LA for your projects. I am here in Vancouver. We didn’t even define what we are. And I feel stupid asking you now what this whole thing between us is”  
  
“Do you want _this thing between us_ to mean anything?”, she asks you. Plainly. It’s her poker face. And you hate that she doesn’t let anything on.

“Of course. I mean, if you still want to. You probably don’t even-”  
  
She approaches you and shakes her head, “Carm, just focus on what _you_ want from me for a second. I want to know what **you** want. You never say what you want.”  
  
“Of course I want you. Of course I want to be saying you’re my girlfriend, when someone on the street asks me, but not because it’s an act, but because it’s true.”, Laura looks down, and you think she’s smiling, so you go further, taking her hands in yours, “I want to be able to ask you when I’m gonna see you next, because I’m crazy about you. If anything, your mother made me see just how much. Even though I didn’t really show it yesterday. And I’m sorry for that.”  
  
“You thought about all of that?”, Laura finally asks you and you meet her eyes again. All of her defensive behavior gone, her hands fidgeting nervously with yours.  
  
“Of course… I mean- I like knowing things for sure. And... _I like you._ And…”  
  
Laura approaches you with a certain softness in her expression. And you grow mellow under her gaze.  
  
  
“And?”, your co-star wants to know. And you begin to like her impatience, when it comes to your words.  
  
“ **And I want you.** ”  
  
There are no barriers between you two anymore. Clear sentences. Clear meanings.  
  
“Aren’t you sweet…”, Laura chuckles and runs her hands over your shoulders, “Though... I don’t know what you’re talking about Carmilla…”, she says, and her hands drive through your hair and you hadn’t realized how long it’s been since the last time you kissed her, “… But we’ve already been dating ever since April, right?”, she winks and you think now is a good time.  
  
  
So you lean in and capture her lips in a long overdue kiss. Your heart starts to flutter, when you feel her smile into the moment.  
  
  
And your confession feels like a success.

 

* * *

  
  
**_March, 2015: Ell’s Apartment_**  
  
  
“Are you nervous?”, the law student asked her girlfriend, who was currently going through the script for the pilot.  
  
“I feel like vomiting.”  
  
The blonde chuckled and walked over to where Carmilla was curled up on her couch, “You’ll be great. They picked you from over god-knows-how-many actors.”  
  
  
The actress nodded, while her girlfriend slipped onto her lap, “Ell, what are you doing?”  
  
Ell ignored that question, “You’ve met Laura already, right?”  
  
“Yeah, why? Do you want an autograph?”  
  
“Nooo… What is she like?”  
  
Carmilla shrugged, “Nice I guess. A lot nicer than I thought. And genuine. She’s not fake, like I expected her to be.”  
  
The blonde bit her lip, deeply in thought, “And is she pretty? Because people always say how much prettier she is in real life.”  
  
“Ell, what is this?”  
  
“I don’t know. You’ve kept this whole thing to yourself. I mean, you keep _everything_ to yourself… But you’re awfully quiet about _this_ in particular. You got a freaking part in a television series… And… You’ll be playing alongside a celebrity that’s openly gay and-”  
  
Carmilla began smiling, “Are you jealous? Is that it?”  
  
“What? **No!** ”  
  
“She’s _just_ my co-star.”  
  
“That will play _your girlfriend_.”, the blonde pointed out.  
  
“The writers said it’s gonna be resolved in the final episodes… So we probably are going to have _one_ kiss scene together… You really **don’t** need to be jealous.”  
  
Ell didn’t seem to be convinced, so Carmilla threw the scripts to her left, to give her girlfriend her full attention.  
  
  
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?”, the dark haired woman asked, while placing her hands on Ell’s waist.  
  
“Can we just… Can we just stay here like this? I really like that.”  
  
“Okay.”

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
You spend some time with Laura in her hotel room. She is busy packing her things, and you are reminded quickly of the fact that you haven’t really talked about what you both are going to do from now on.  
  
The tour with some of the cast mates is planned in August. Until then you probably will see each other sporadically. Maybe on one event or the other in LA that you have to attend as the leads of _‘Afterlife’_.  
  
  
  
“Hey… Stop for a sec.”, you tug at Laura’s hand when she’s just about to pass you while you’re sitting on her bed.  
  
“Carm, I need to-”  
  
“You have the whole day tomorrow to pack your stuff.”, you remind her and she considers it, but then her gaze drops to the open suitcase close to your feet.  
  
“But if I do it now, I’ll have the whole day tomorrow to spend with… You?”  
  
She seems uncertain, and it’s endearing. You can’t help but smile and nod and let go of her. _Later then._  
  
  
“Should I let you do that now, and I’ll come by later to watch movies together maybe?”  
  
Laura lights up, “Oh yeah and we could order room service!”  
  
You can only join her in her dazzling smile, and stand up.  
  
  
“It’s settled. I’ll go learn some lines.”  
  
“You do that!”, Laura nods and you walk past her.  
  
  
What you don’t expect is her stopping you with a hand on your forearm, and when you look back to ask her what she wants, she approaches you in a swift movement and kisses you.  
  
  
It feels horribly domestic.  
  
  
“I’ll see you later.”, Laura says and you give her another nod and another smile.  
  
  
Because that’s all you manage.

 

* * *

  
  
**_April, 2015: Carmilla’s Hotel Room in Vancouver_**  
  
  
Ell was reading an interview her girlfriend did with the Silas Glam Magazine. There was one paragraph that was bugging her slightly.  
  
  
_**Carmilla Karnstein:** Working with Laura is such a delight. She and I have a lot of fun on set. You would think that someone who’s been in this business pretty much all her life would be conceited, but she’s not at all. She’s a pure ball of sunshine and I love working with her. She never made me feel uncomfortable around her. We are good friends. _  
  
  
“Hey… How do you think I did? Are my answers diplomatic enough?”, the brunette asked jokingly, as she snuggled closer to her girlfriend. She breathed in her smell. They hadn’t seen each other in a very long time.  
  
“It’s good. Your answers are well thought out. What you said about Laura… She seems lovely.”  
  
“She **is.** I’m so glad that we’re such good friends you know? I wouldn’t have thought that that would ever happen.”, the brunette was smiling too much. And it was because of the wrong woman.  
  
Ell closed the article on her tablet and opened her email-account.  
  
  
“Hey…”, Carmilla plucked that device away and rolled on top of Ell, “I said no school, when you’re here with me.”  
  
“If you’re allowed to talk about other women ten hot seconds after we have sex, I’m allowed to check my emails.”, the blonde sounded irritated.  
  
“Ell… I was merely pointing out that- Why are you being like this? We don’t see each other that often anyway and now you’re starting this? I told you there is nothing to worry about.”  
  
The blonde wasn’t having it, but she sighed and relented, because Carmilla would never lie to her. They trusted each other. Ell was her first long-term girlfriend. They had been together for almost two years. It counted for something.  
  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Carmilla’s face broke into a loving smile, “You know... You’re really insecure for a future lawyer…”  
  
“Well, how can I not be with an actor as my girlfriend?”  
  
“Have I not told you countless times how hot you are? Like _really_ hot.”, to emphasize her point, she made some dramatic gestures.  
  
Ell rolled her eyes, “Yeah. Sure.”

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
You knock on her door twice, before she greets you with a breathless _‘Hey’_ and a kiss to your cheek.  
  
Laura gave you all the courage, when she kissed you out of nowhere just when you were about to leave her hotel room earlier, so you think you can do that too.  
  
When you’re in her room fully, you press her body against the wall beside the door and give her a long, languid kiss which she reciprocates immediately.  
  
  
“Hey.”, you finally say and look into her hazel eyes for far too long.  
  
  
She seems happier. Light. You like to see her like this.  
  
  
  
“So I have rented out three different genres of movies… There is thriller, romance, comedy. Pick.”  
  
You want to say thriller, of course, because you love some well thought out suspense, but she quickly intercepts.  
  
  
“Except for the thriller thing maybe, because I found out that my mother’s in that.”  
  
“Do you not keep tabs on her movies? Some daughter you are.”, you say jokingly.  
  
“She’s kinda a big deal. There’s so many she is in. And no, actually I don’t keep my eyes peeled for her latest film. When the thing gets too big, I read it on twitter anyway.”  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”, you apologize, because you don’t want her to think about Agnes too much.  
  
Her mother has come between you two far too often anyway.  
  
“I know. Just… Let’s start this yeah? Before the food gets cold?”, she gestures to said thing(s), because apparently she is very hungry.  
  
“Okay. Comedy it is for now. We can watch that romantic one after that?”, you suggest and Laura nods happily.  
  
  
  
“This is really nice.”, Laura comments at the end of the first film.  
  
“Yeah…”, you turn in her bed, to face her. She is quick in mirroring your position.  
  
  
Her hand comes up to rest on your cheek and she’s just about to lean in for a kiss, when you open your mouth, “You didn’t answer before… When am I gonna see you again?”  
  
Laura’s eyes find yours and a gentle expression splays on her face. Something serene and beautiful.  
  
  
“When do you _want_ to see me?”  
  
“I’ll be here probably for the next ten days or so… And after I could maybe get a ticket to LA…?”, you’re sounding so insecure, and it’s really embarrassing.  
  
“Yeah? That would be nice.”, she says with a smile and a stroke of her thumb against your cheekbone.  
  
“So we’ll see each other soon?”, you ask her again, and Laura nods and finally kisses you.  
  
  
  
“Maybe we should put on the next movie?”, you ask her breathlessly, while she is busy threading her fingers through your hair and you’re really trying to not enjoy that too much.  
  
“Or maybe… We could...”, she utters lowly and starts kissing your cheek and then traces your lips with her tongue. Of course you give in and capture her in a fervent kiss.  
  
  
Laura is different. She seems more carefree. For a brief moment you consider your conversation to be the reason for her worriless state. And it warms your heart.  
  
  
Your co-star climbs on top of you fully, resting one hand beside your head and placing the other on your jaw to spur you on. There is nothing you would rather do than kissing her anyway. You feel like you’re addicted to her.  
  
To tasting her lips. To hearing her voice. To seeing her face.  
  
To feel her skin underneath your fingertips.  
  
So you do that.  
  
  
The last few days you’ve both been busy with shooting and the previous night has put a mark on your relationship with her, but now you want to make it up to her.  
  
You let your fingers inch up the top that she’s wearing, exposing more and more skin for you to touch. She doesn’t seem to mind.  
  
Laura’s hands are busy unbuttoning your flannel and you think it’s getting a thousand degrees in her hotel room, although she’s undressing you in exactly that moment. You keep your mind busy by stroking up her back, moving hair from her face that falls like a curtain around you two, and looking into her beautiful eyes, when she breaks apart from your lips.  
  
Maybe it’s strange to admit that to yourself, but you feel safe. Really safe and secure.  
  
You move upwards, so that both of you are in a seated position -Laura straddling you- and there is a moment of you both just staring into each others eyes. You feel the need to tell her, because you don’t think you’ve ever told her like this.  
  
  
“You’re so, so beautiful.”  
  
  
She pauses, taking in your sentence, before she leans back in, claiming your lips. You feel her hands more demanding against your body. There is a new want in her, a new driving force. You have enough mind to shift her so that you sort of swap positions, because now she is the one lying beneath you and you have this gorgeous view of how her rib cage rises and sinks too quickly, and how flushed her chest is, how her eyes roam around your face and just when she is about to ask you why you’re staring, you kiss her.  
  
You kiss her and tug at her top, grasp at her hair, clench your left hand into the sheets of the bed and you need to feel her. You need to be close to her.  
  
Laura obviously feels the same way and you register how she gets you to shrug off your shirt and you make her take off her top and it’s so crystal clear and you don’t understand how you ever thought of ending this between you two.  
  
  
To say Laura is gorgeous is an understatement.  
  
You’ve seen her like this, but you couldn’t really focus on solely that when you had to shoot a scene with her and actually were working. It’s different to have Laura like this for yourself. Behind closed doors.  
  
The intimacy is welcomed. You’re so endlessly glad that you can have her like this. Like no one else can.  
  
You’re allowed to touch and explore.  
  
  
Laura’s hands find the clasp of your bra in a moment you don’t pay attention, but you suddenly feel a lot more liberated and your eyes snap towards your arms, where the straps are hanging down loosely.  
  
You observe Laura taking in your naked form, as you get rid of the -now obstructing- undergarment  
  
  
You feel a little self-conscious at first, but it subsides once she draws you in again to kiss you passionately. Her hands roam around your body and come to rest on your lower back, pulling you in closer.  
  
Your left hand drives over her bra-clad chest, her ribs, her stomach to her jeans, and you feel up the fabric until you find the button to pop it open. For the first time there is hesitation in the both of you, and you lean back to look into her eyes.  
  
Laura’s breathing could be described as shallow, almost panting.  
  
However as fast as the worry settled in you, as quickly it is gone. Because Laura’s hands intertwine behind your neck and she is kissing you again. Her tongue is hot against yours. Moving fluidly around yours. Her teeth have it for biting your lips with tender quality.  
  
She gropes at your breast and releases far too quickly, eliciting a moan from you.  
  
Everywhere. You need her everywhere. Just like you need to touch her everywhere. Apparently just like she wants you everywhere.  
  
Laura is faster in getting rid of your pants than you are with hers, but when you’re finally both in your underwear (you having on less than her), there is a newfound patience.  
  
Your strokes against her skin are soft and slow. Your kisses are more chaste.  
  
You drag your tongue over the expanse of her chest, as you listen closely to the sounds she makes.  
  
Because they are better than you ever could have imagined in any fantasy or dream.  
  
Her bra finds its way onto the floor and your lips immediately latch onto her hardened nipple. She does the same to you with her fingers, and you move upwards to stare at her face a little more.  
  
Laura hooks her thumbs into your panties, grazing your hipbone in the process and the movement makes you shudder.  
  
Everything about her is just so, so perfect and you feel like you’re dreaming.  
  
But this is so much better than anything your mind could have made up.  
  
  
“We’re wearing too much.”, Laura whispers against your mouth, as you kiss her. You chuckle and give her one last lingering peck on her lips, before you dive down to get rid her underwear. She helps you, lifting her hips a bit, and the movement is a really sexy one and you’re far too gone to notice anything else than what she does with her body.  
  
  
And that’s the reason you love women so much, you think.  
  
Because of their beauty. Because of the curves. Because of _this_.  
  
  
Or maybe it’s the fact that you’re in love with her. And that’s the reason you find her so utterly beautiful in this moment.  
  
  
Laura’s muscles contract slightly, when you kiss her right below her navel. She is very sensitive to your teasing. Your fingers drag over her thighs, and her legs fall open before you and you take all of her in.  
  
Your eyes find hers and you see how she bites down on her left index, already too spent. Her hair is disheveled and you plan on giving her what she is demanding with her eyes so dark and her pupils all blown.  
  
  
It’s in your interest to make her feel incredible.  
  
Carefully your fingers find the wetness between her legs and she jolts at the first touch. She observes your doings with attention. Her face is giving away how she feels about every little movement. You have to learn what turns her on and what she likes and you never found studying anything more interesting than her.  
  
When you finally dip down and let your tongue explore her the way your fingers just did, her moans become more frequent and you hook your arms around her legs and hold her down. It doesn’t take her all that long -not when you’re moving in and out of her with three of your fingers- and not when your tongue finds the right spot on her clit.  
  
  
You kiss up her body, a thin layer of sweat now covering her. However you ignore it. You don’t mind, because this has been the most beautiful you’ve ever seen her.  
  
  
Laura holds out her arms to signalize you that she wants to hold you against her and you gladly comply. She noses your cheek and then places a sloppy, wet kiss on your mouth and you smile, making her smile too.  
  
  
“Just give me a moment.”, Laura asks of you while letting her hands wander down your back.  
  
“We’re in no rush.”, you tell her and lie down fully on top of her, listening to her slowing heartbeat.  
  
  
There is no way you will let her mother come in-between you. Not when you have her like this.  
  
Not when you finally think that maybe -just maybe- you _do_ deserve her.  
  
And you’re gonna prove it to yourself that you do.


	18. Rumor Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is this true? Or are you smearing bull crap onto my ears?”

You wake up in an empty bed. The memories of last night flooding your brain, as you try to fight off a smile. It’s a good way to start a Sunday. You have one whole day to spend with Laura. You try to come up with things you could do (that involve getting out of the bed), but then think of the fact that said woman isn’t even beside you.  
  
  
“Laura?”, you call out, because you can hear the water in her bathroom running. She must be in the shower.  
  
She doesn’t respond, so you slip out of the bed and into your flannel that you find on the floor and make your way towards the bathroom. You find it unlocked, so you walk in and there she is. Standing under a spray of hot water. You throw the flannel onto the floor and join her, clearly startling her, when you press your naked front against her back.  
  
  
“Oh god!”, she exclaims, but her hands find yours that are wrapped around her stomach and she relaxes against you. At least for a second, before she tries her very best to not touch any part of your body.  
  
  
At first you ignore it, “Why are you not in bed? It is too early to be up.”, you whisper into her damp hair.  
  
“I wanted to take a shower.”, she finds a way out of your embrace and turns around.  
  
Her pursed lips make you grow alert. Along with her general attitude. Something’s off. And you can tell immediately.  
  
  
“What’s wrong?”, you ask Laura, while guiding your hands to her waist, trying to create some sort of intimacy between you two.  
  
“Uhm- It’s nothing.”  
  
“Don’t lie to me. You’re lying.”  
  
Laura raises her eyebrows, ready to counter something, but then visibly refrains from it.  
  
  
“Your phone. It rang today in the morning and I didn’t think anything of it. Plus we kinda have the same phone and ring tone and when I tried to pick up, thinking it was mine, it was already too late… And then there was this message that I read…”  
  
You laugh, because you really don’t care, “So? You read my messages. Big deal. I don’t have anything to hide from you, Creampuff.”  
  
  
“It was my mother, Carmilla.”  
  
Laura looks expectantly at you, and you clear your throat and frown, “What did she want?”  
  
“To make sure you were in on _the deal_.”  
  
You think about her words. But that would mean…  
  
  
“Did you not decline?”, your co-star asks you directly now and you immediately shake your head.  
  
“I did- I mean okay, I **didn’t** decline, but not because I wasn’t sure, but because I just didn’t want to speak to her anymore. And I kind of forgot after the talk I had with you. Laura, you have to believe me, I absolutely don’t want anything to do with her-”  
  
Laura nearly knocks you over, when she catches you by surprise to kiss you, “Oh thank god! I thought you had changed your mind and I was starting to have doubts about what happened last night…”  
  
You rest your forehead against hers after breaking away, “ **No.** Last night was perfect, and I hope you do not regret anything... I chose **you**. Of course I’d choose you over your mother.”  
  
  
It’s one of the more heavy declarations of something akin to love that you’ve made towards her.  
  
But you feel like you need to make sure she understands how serious you are with her. She smiles against your lips and you think she knows.

 

* * *

  
  
When you tell Agnes that you are not taking her offer, she lets you know that you have made the wrong decision. You don’t think much of it, because you have Laura on your side.  
  
  
If you were to believe the tabloids, _Laura Hollis and Carmilla Karnstein_ are _the next new thing_.  
  
To be honest, it was a bit overwhelming to get thrown onto the train of attention and fame.  
  
You were certainly not used to it, and there was a lot to learn. Laura had to show you how to use twitter for one. Then there were the nightlong scrolls through tumblr.  
  
Sometimes you wonder how people can be so invested in another person’s life.  
  
For instance, last year, when Laura and you really were only co-stars -and **nothing** but that- there were people theorizing on your personal life. Every little thing that striked to them as odd had been stored away as a sign of affection with deeper meaning. At first you got fed up with it, but then you learnt to play with these things.  
  
Your talent to blur the lines between your personal feelings and your professional ones, and using it to help your career (in this both Laura’s and yours), didn’t go by unused. It has never been voiced that way, but you two have the most eyes on you from the show. And you just know how to play with the audience. Or actually… **You knew.**  
  
Because now nothing is an act anymore. Now you don’t think twice about placing a hand on your co-star’s waist. Now it isn’t only for the cameras that catch you two on the red carpets. Now it comes naturally, because you want to be touching her every second you can. You want to be feeling her under your soft grazes.  
  
And it doesn’t matter who writes about you. It’s not a fun activity anymore to go through the Hollstein tags with Laura. You don’t laugh about those theories anymore, because they sort of became true.  
  
You’re sure your story is similar to some of the fanfics about you two. Although the amount of sex you two have in those things is both impressive and absolutely not reflecting the truth. You don’t have the time for it.  
  
Well, or at least not until now. Now that you both are out of the tough schedule that is filming _‘Afterlife’_ , you hope that there will be more time for each other. However being like usual couples is not what you both signed up for.  
  
You would want to be a normal couple sometimes. With Ell it never had been that hard, because she wasn’t some hotshot in the business. However, when you started dating people from the industry, the paparazzi grew more alert of your whereabouts.  
  
So yes, it would be nice to be unbothered for once. Without the reporters asking you about every prissy little detail, or without paparazzi wanting the best shot of you two…  
  
  
Like for instance **now**.  
  
  
  
“We’re here.”, Laura breathes.  
  
There are always paparazzi on a Monday at the airport. Plus it is the fourth of July. A lot of American celebrities that shoot in Vancouver fly back home over the holidays.  
  
You have had to deal with the photographers at the airport in the past a lot. Although Laura was never with you back then. This feels more intrusive to you now than it ever has. Maybe because you wanted to have that moment with her. But you are some sort of famous now and this is one of the downsides.  
  
  
“Are you ready for the paps?”, you ask her.  
  
Thankfully the windows of the cab you’re in are tinted.  
  
“Yeah. Let’s get this over with.”  
  
Laura drags down her sunglasses from atop of her head to cover her eyes. She drives her hands through her hair shortly after that and is about to step out, when you stop her and place your lips tenderly on hers.  
  
“This was just for you.”, you tell her quietly and she gives you one of her reserved smirks.  
  
Because she knows what you mean. It was the little intimacy you had. In a cab from airport service.  
  
  
“Let’s get you to the gate, sweetheart.”

 

* * *

  
  
@silasglam @TheRealLauraHollis leaves girlfriend and co-star on a holiday to fly back home! At least they seemed to be happy. Pictures of them smooching at YVR! ( _link_ )  
  
_**July 4, 2016**_

 

* * *

  
  
“I just got home and guess what? The first thing I see is that freaking tweet about me leaving you for the holiday.”, she tells you.  
  
“Are you feeling bad now?”  
  
“Carm… Should I have flown back later? I thought because you start working soon anyway-”  
  
As much as you like her telling you that she actually considered flying back later, you don’t want her to feel bad.  
  
“God no! First of all we would have been in Canada, and this way you would have missed the fireworks tonight, and second of all it’s not such a big deal, really. Although... I will say I would have loved to have you around much longer, I understand that you have to work too. If you had flown back later, you wouldn’t get to do your work now, while I’m keeping busy, and we wouldn’t be really able to make time for each other so soon.”  
  
You can hear her smile, when she says, “I like your reasoning... And nooow… What have _you_ been up to in these last few hours?”  
  
  
An hour in a life including Laura means nothing, you find out.  
  
Because you apparently oversee time, when you’re on the phone with her.

 

* * *

  
  
_**April, 2015: On Set after Shooting**_  
  
  
Carmilla was about to leave the premises, when LaFontaine held her up.  
  
  
“Hey Carmilla, I know you had a long day, but do you have some time for a little chat?”  
  
“Yeah sure.”  
  
  
The producer placed a cup filled with coffee in front of their lead actress and sat opposite to her in the break room.  
  
  
“It’s so weird that we never really have had a conversation that was outside of the regular talks about the series.”, the redhead commented as they made an obnoxious slurping sound.  
  
Carmilla found that endearing somehow. They won sympathy points for that. She knew her fair share of theater producers that were always so proper and stuck up. LaF was so down to earth and funny without them really trying hard at all.  
  
“Yeah I mean, you guys make us hustle hard.”, the dark haired woman chuckled jokingly.  
  
“I know. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to thank you. I mean you as one of the leads carry a lot of the work, and I feel like I don’t give you enough credit. I’ve known Laura from some other minor projects and Anthony’s been working for our company for so long… You as a newcomer- Your talent really blew our minds. I felt like someone should tell you that.”  
  
The actress managed to blush a little. Hearing compliments like that was something she had to get accustomed to.  
  
  
“Thank you. I mean, we wouldn’t all be here for all the effort you guys put in for us… I mean, Perry’s writing’s pretty great. That’s what made me want to audition among other things.”  
  
LaF grinned knowingly, “Yeah beside the fact that Laura Hollis was in it?”  
  
“I seriously didn’t know that when I went to the casting for the first time. I was shocked to see her in the callback.”, the brunette admitted.  
  
“She’s a great actress. And so friendly. I first worked with her when she was 17. I was new to the business myself. I was doing an apprenticeship at another producing company, so you know… I pretty much was the person for everything… But Laura always was so kind to everyone and even invited me to her birthday party, even though she really didn’t have to at all.”, they noticed that it was out of context, “Anyway, what I meant to say is that I just really wanted to congratulate you on your hard work and I think the chemistry you two have is explosive and I think this show will be very popular. You two are really great down to earth people, and I’m happy about our little Afterlife family.”  
  
“I really appreciate what you just said…”, Carmilla smiled, “It’s been only two weeks, but I already feel so welcomed… You all are pretty great people to work with.”

 

* * *

   
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
Laura’s been gone for a few days now. She’s currently busy doing some promo work for the film she starred in and you are mostly enamored with the small guest role you have in a Canadian series.  
  
On day three after leaving Vancouver she lets you know that she’s going to have lunch with her ex (the tall one you don’t like) and says she’s just making sure you know it’s business only. You tell her that she didn’t have to do that, but you guess it is better that _she_ told you than to find out via tabloids. It is all over twitter the next day.  
  
You roll your eyes at the amount of hate directed at a certain Danielle Lawrence, even though you don’t like her.  
  
Just for good measure you post a picture of you and Laura that you have taken some weeks ago in-between filming with some lovely caption and the world of the Hollstein shippers rises again after that. The picture gets 23k likes and becomes the most popular one you ever posted.  
  
  
It’s not like you have much time for drama like that. You have work to do, because you’re playing the love interest of a well known Canadian actor and are in for three episodes.  
  
Your co-star is not so bad. A nice enough guy with a broad understanding for a lot of things. Like knowing to shut up about your personal life. He is not so inquisitive like some other colleagues you had to work with (even back when your name wasn’t up and rising like it is now), and you treasure that. You go out once with the whole cast and know it is a professional cluster of people.  
  
  
It’s actually pretty easy doing things that have nothing to do with _Afterlife_. You have been to only a few auditions ever since you got your lead, but you figure once you’re in the industry with such a following, it gets easier. You know your way around now. Nobody has to walk you through the process of filming anymore.  
  
It’s really funny that Laura’s mother thinks she has something to hold against you, however her threat doesn’t let you sleep soundly at night. Sometimes her words find you in your sleep.  
  
  
_You are **not the one she wants**. How could **someone like you** fit into **her** world?_

 

* * *

  
  
@TheRealLauraHollis posted a photo: @CarmillaKarnstein can get grumpy when her plane gets delayed.  
  
_**July 15, 2016**_

 

* * *

  
  
“You have no idea how nice it is to kiss someone who doesn’t have facial hair…”, you say as you claim her lips, “And soft lips.”, you kiss her again, pushing her down on her couch, “And smells so nice.”, you bury your nose in the crook of her neck, “And is a woman.”  
  
The sound of Laura’s laughter translates to you, as you lie down on top of her. The vibration of it fills your heart with joy. She’s simply beautiful in everything she does. In everything she is.  
  
“Ugh tell _me_ about it. At least he’s good looking. You don’t want to know who I had to kiss for some roles.”, she wrinkles her nose and you do the same. It’s refreshing to be able to talk about your work like that.  
  
  
“Trust me sweetheart, I know. I’ve seen your movies.”  
  
Laura raises her eyebrows and you don’t like the look she’s giving you. She pinches your side, “You still haven’t told me anything about your gay pining.”  
  
You gasp at her choice of words, “ **What?!** _Gay pining?_ ”  
  
And she laughs again, and you can’t even pretend to be mad at her. She’s ethereal.  
  
  
“Tell me, Carm. Were you crushing on me hard?”  
  
“In high school **yes**.”, you admit without missing a beat, “I mean, everyone my age and below watched that show. I had to watch it too of course… And I found you cute. All of my friends gushed about your character and how much they wanted to be like you. Popular and cool and I… I really liked you for being **you**. I had no interest in your character. I liked the way you played your role. I mean for your age you were doing a great job in characterization and it was consistent and-”  
  
She gives you a look that calls you out on your action to cover up the _gay pining_ without even voicing her inner thoughts.  
  
You finally relent, “Okay, aside from all of _that_ … I think you made me realize for the first time that I might be into girls… And well, I kissed one some months after and got my confirmation. So you’re in some parts right about the _gay pining_.”  
  
Laura pulls away and sits up, you grow alert at her movement, because she keeps you at a distance with her outreached hand.  
  
  
“You’re telling me that _ **I** _ was the reason for you to question your sexuality?”  
  
“God, when _you_ say it, it sounds so much more dramatic and heavy.”, she laughs shortly and lets you scoot closer to her, but maintains some space between you to so that you can’t distract her with your wandering hands and your -really great- kisses.  
  
“Be serious Carm. Is this true? Or are you smearing bull crap onto my ears?”  
  
Only she could come up with such a _nice_ way to describe the act of lying.  
  
“I’m a hundred percent serious. But… Is that a big deal? Do you see me differently now?”  
  
Laura smirks and squints her eyes, “A little **yes.** ”, she grabs you by the collar of your vest and you find yourself on top of her again, “I mean that totally means I slept with a fangirl of mine.”  
  
Yes. This is the reason you hadn’t told her about that. She will probably never let you live that down.  
  
  
You groan and bury your face in her hair, “You’re being incredibly mean right now. I open up my deepest, most embarrassing secret, and you’re making fun of me!”  
  
“Hey… Let me relish in that fact for a while longer! This is so cool!”  
  
She lifts up your head by moving her shoulder a bit, and you find her eyes with yours.  
  
“Do you... Do you want an autograph from me on your chest, Carmilla?”, she giggles.  
  
  
You roll your eyes at her while she’s making fun of you, and you don’t care that she does.  
  
Because Laura is so beautiful when carefree and you’re the lucky one to be spending your time with her. To be together with her.

 

* * *

  
  
@corvaemag Hollstein is at the red carpet for the premier of #Wanderstruck!  
  
_**July 25, 2016**_

 

* * *

  
  
It was different being with Laura on a red carpet after having confirmed the (fake) relationship.  
  
It is a complete other thing to be on the red carpet with her after your personal development.  
  
  
She’s currently tucked into your side, fisting the fabric of your dress and smiling into the cameras a little too stiffly. Her mother is at the function you two have decided to go to and Laura voices her dismay on several occasions during the whole process of getting to downtown LA from her apartment.  
  
You have been staying at her place for the last few days, even though there is a hotel room rented out on your name for an entire month. Laura told you it was stupid, when she had an apartment, but you didn’t want to impose on her. However you somehow ended up spending time at her condo too much anyway.  
  
  
“Laur, darling, try not to rip my dress okay?”, she relaxes and you smirk, when you add, “I’ll let you rip my Donna Karan in much other circumstances, but out in the air it’s a bit scandalous.”  
  
She swats at your arm lightly and rolls her eyes, but you see the hint of a smile (and a blush) and you too begin to relax. You want this evening to be a success. Both of you have kept off the radar ever since shooting for Afterlife stopped and it was good that way. You don’t need bad press that one day you decided to go out.  
  
Even though you do understand the bad feeling about Agnes’ attendance at the premier. You remind yourself that there is nothing standing between you and Laura.  
  
  
  
“Laura! Can we ask you a few questions?”, a blonde you recognize from somewhere asks Laura, and you shoot her an encouraging smile. Your girlfriend threads her fingers with yours and tugs you towards the harsh light and you narrow your eyes and look away.  
  
  
“Hey! How are you guys doing?”, Laura smiles into the lens and you try your best to avoid the camera lights.  
  
“Great! You look so beautiful! _You both_ do in fact!”  
  
“Thank you so much! Likewise!”  
  
The interviewer is right. Laura’s dress is a beautiful emerald-colored, floor-length gown that falls perfectly over her backside. And you’re not thinking that as her girlfriend. It is you having eyes. It really does suit her. Alright, maybe you are a little biased. But she truly is beautiful. A lot of people will agree with you, you think.  
  
  
“How do you two hold up after the twitter rumors of your break-up?”  
  
Straight to the point. You have got to give it to the interviewer though, because she does her job great. Even despite her question she manages to laugh in such a fake manner that you want to punch her.  
  
“Well, as an actor…”, Laura shakes her head a bit, “That’s dating another actor, who she is together with on prime time television… I mean, I guess it is inevitable that so many people are invested in our personal life. Carm’s been busy with her project and I was over here… So people were constantly tweeting us about being concerned for us, because we were apart for a few days and not posting any pictures of us together… It’s pretty funny.”  
  
“So the rumors aren’t true at all? No trouble in paradise? No jealousy drama because of the Danny Lawrence incident? Carmilla, did you know or did you find out about it via twitter?”  
  
God, she is smiling again and you raise an eyebrow at her.  
  
“Actually I trust my girlfriend. And she did tell me. And even if she hadn’t, it’s not a big deal. I mean, we are all in this industry. It is inevitable that we have to talk business with our fellow actors from time to time.”  
  
  
“And there is no jealousy in regards to the fact that your girlfriend is considering a role alongside her ex-girlfriend?”


	19. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I was supposed to take chances that you’d get jealous?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are having a good week!  
> This is the second to last one, folks!  
> On November, 17 I'll post the last!
> 
> X

“Carm!”, she calls out, tugging on your hand when you’re just about to pay for the taxi you took back to her place, “Carmilla wait… I got this.”  
  
“I can pay for this.”  
  
Almost aggressively she closes her hand around your wrist and pushes it down, “It’s okay, let **me**.”  
  
  
The night has been long. You have stayed until the end of _the interview_ and smiled charmingly.  
You have watched the film and pretended to pay attention and chatted along with colleagues.  
You have given some interviews yourself, talking about the Canadian series that you are in.  
  
  
“We need to talk…”, she says after closing her apartment door while you get rid of your heels.  
  
“Yes we do.”  
  
  
Both of you make it to her couch, Laura huffing out in frustration.  
  
She acts the way you feel.  
  
  
“ **This** is exactly the reason I haven’t told you about what Danny and I talked about.”  
  
You don’t understand, “What do you mean? _This_ is the reason?”  
  
“You acting out! Being like _that_ …”, Laura says gesturing towards you.  
  
“Really? Because you telling me would have prevented **this**. Telling me and informing me would have prepared me for questions like these.”  
  
“And I was supposed to take chances that you’d get jealous?”  
  
You’re absolutely shocked to hear her say this, “Excuse me? **I’m not jealous** , Laura.”  
  
  
“No? Don’t think I don’t remember the way you were with Danny that one time we met her. Just because I’m oblivious sometimes and we weren’t really a thing back then, doesn’t mean I didn’t get the vibes.”  
  
  
“Do I get annoyed when I see her? **Yes!** I can admit to that, but this right now **isn’t** _me being jealous_. This is _me being hurt_ because obviously you don’t trust me enough to tell me about those things… And then I have to find them out like this… Do you know how that felt?”  
  
  
It weighs down on your heart that she thought you would be so irrational about this. You are both actors. These things happen. Sometimes you have to do projects with your exes. It would not have been the end of the world. But Laura keeping this from you is somewhat troubling.  
  
You stand up and go to her guest room, where your bag is left half open by the bed. You pick up some stray items of clothing on the floor and shove it in there.  
  
  
“Are you leaving now?”, she asks while turning on the light in the room.  
  
“Yeah- I think I should go to my hotel. I’m paying almost ten grands for a room I haven’t really occupied yet.”  
  
“Please don’t go.”, she whispers and you still. You don’t have it in you yet to face her.  
  
“It’s not just because of that… We need space. We can’t be like one of those couples that are together all the time. I mean… Me being clingy probably is the reason you thought of me being jealous or whatever and I don’t want you to view me like this-”  
  
“Carmilla **no** … That’s not- Please at least hear me out, before you decide to act out on rash decisions?”  
  
  
You finally relent and sit on the edge of the guest bed that still is unslept in. It was no question that you slept with her in her bed. She finds the spot beside you and suddenly there is silence again, until she breaks the ice and interlaces her fingers with yours hesitantly. You don’t pull away.  
  
  
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. It’s not only me thinking you’d be mad or whatever… It’s also me not knowing if I should consider and I needed to think about this for myself first…”, Laura shifts in the bed until she’s facing you and you turn your head to meet her gaze, “Plus… I was asked to keep this a secret… This new producing company came up to Danny and asked her if she was interested in a revival of Aquarella, and Danny wanted to talk to me about it first, because they said they’d only do it with the original leads.”  
  
“They want to make a full-length film out of it?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“That’s great Laura.”  
  
  
She blinks, “ **What?** ”  
  
  
“I think it’s great. Think about it… You’d give all the fans a proper ending. I mean… Jamie running off with Aiden was not what I wanted for instance.”  
  
“Wait- Before we continue with our serious, and very important talk: I know for a fact that you couldn’t have possibly shipped me with Danny’s character… _Who_ did you ship me with then?”  
  
“I shipped your character with herself. I thought Jamie should have gone to college instead of going off with that rich kid.”  
  
“Huh, nice... I thought so too.”, she shakes her head slightly, “So wait… What you are saying is that you **don’t** want me to decline? That you actually even would want that movie to be made?”  
  
  
It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but you figure Laura won’t make fun of you in this moment.  
  
  
“Closure is always good. And Laura… I will never stand in-between you and your career. I know first hand how that was with Ell… I trust you, and I need you to know that I trust you. I may be slightly jealous, but I’m not irrational… Plus… I want you to tell me everything, okay?”  
  
Laura manages to look bashful and bites her lip in that familiar way. The way her teeth poke out just slightly from underneath her bottom lip, and drag her upper lip down a bit.  
  
“I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”  
  
“Yes.”, you agree and she pouts, “But a very cute one.”  
  
  
You both smile at each other, her hand still in yours, and then her gaze drops to your bag on the floor.  
  
  
“Please don’t go.”  
  
“Sweetheart, I can’t stay here forever.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
Your heart skips a beat at how needy she sounds.  
  
“Because… I paid an awful lot of money for my hotel and also because I have some auditions in near range of my hotel in the next few days. And don’t get me wrong, your condo is great and all, but I hate the long commute.”  
  
“Hmmn… But just for the next time remember to come here directly. You can stay here for as long as you want...”  
  
“Sure… But I actually want my own place some time soon, you know? I’ve been homeless long enough.”  
  
  
“Yes. Fair, and I’ll help you with that. I know all the great neighborhoods.”  
  
  
Never in a million dreams you would have thought that you’d hear that sentence. And never would you have thought you’d actually have enough money to consider a living space that didn’t scream _‘you’re gonna die in this hellhole’_.  
  
  
“Yeah you can help me with that.”  
  
Laura’s attention shifts to the bag again, “You can’t go tonight though… It’s too late… You should go tomorrow. Stay one more night.”  
  
A small chuckle leaves your mouth and you nod. She scoots over and almost places herself in your lap when she embraces you in a hug, “I’m really sorry.”  
  
  
And you forgive her so easily, because you don’t have it in you to stay mad at her.  
  
  
“I know.”

 

* * *

  
  
@hollyinsider.net Laura Hollis low-key confirmed ongoing talks about taking role to play alongside fellow actress and ex-girlfriend Danielle Lawrence on camera at the premier of Wanderstruck! We are excited to know what the secret project is!  
  
_**July 25, 2016**_

 

* * *

  
  
You keep busy with some auditions in LA, and Laura texts you every chance she gets about missing you.  
  
And you’re loving this side of her. You love the feeling of being needed, but you also know that you have to do some things first.  
  
She has picked some places to go visit in the following days. Laura kept her word about wanting to help you find an apartment. You agreed on some objects, whereas others just seemed to be unnecessarily expensive. _‘It’s an investment for life!’_ she told you, but you rather would have some money left after getting a new apartment.  
  
  
  
“We like the way you act. There’s a lot of expression in your gestures and countenance. We like the way you carry yourself. It’s exactly what we’re looking for.”  
  
That’s what a director tells you during an audition for a minor role in a film. You don’t want any lead parts in a movie yet, because this seems like a too big of a step. Not that you’re not confident enough- Alright, well maybe you are a little terrified of it.  
  
The big screens are more international. This would be a whole different level. And as an actor you should be striving for those things, but somehow fame has lost its glamour for you. You are content with the smaller roles, and characters that speak to you, rather than those generic pseudo-heroes that seem to multiply on movie screens these days.

 

* * *

  
  
@robs_32123 posted a photo: Got to meet @CarmillaKarnstein today in LA!!!! Such a humble person in real life <3  
  
_**July 28, 2016**_

 

* * *

  
  
“I think it’s pretty cool that we get to meet more fans on American ground.”, Laura says as she swallows the last of her _Double Meat_ , and you stare at her in awe, because you had no idea she could eat like that. You’re mildly impressed, if not shocked. She is off to eat some fries with ketchup and yeah, you couldn’t be more in love with her you think.  
  
“...Really?”, you finally reply to her, “Because the few we met always turned out to be annoying as hell and tended to be all curious about our relationship.”  
  
“But now there’s not really much to be curious about. We laid it out all open and for everyone to know. No space for speculation.”, she says as she licks off some of the spread off her fingers.  
  
And you never would have thought that some day you would find yourself on _Laura Hollis’_ living room floor, eating In-N-Out and thinking about kissing her. Because god, she even manages to look gorgeous with ketchup on the corners of her mouth and grease on her forehead.  
  
  
“You’re staring. Do I have something on my face again?”, Laura starts rubbing on her forehead with the sleeve of her top.  
  
  
You just shake your head and throw the half of your burger you can’t eat anymore anyway into the paper bag beside you, before you crawl over to her and start kissing her. The impact of you crashing your lips into hers makes you both tumble over and you find yourself in a horizontal position, hovering above her.  
  
Laura doesn’t seem to mind the assault, as her eyes darken and she takes your face into her hands to bring you down. Your mouth covers hers, her lips closing around yours, and you don’t mind the taste of meat on her tongue. Good thing you ordered your burgers without onions, is the last food related thing you think to yourself.  
  
  
And it’s times like these you’d like to tell her so badly.  
  
That you love her. That you love kissing her. That you love her spontaneity.  
  
Like the fact that she just turned your chill _food and talk session_ into a heated make-out.  
  
  
And it turns into more, when she starts tugging on the hem of your tank top and you forget to think altogether.

 

* * *

  
  
@AfterlifeSeries Some of our cast and crew members are going to be at the TV-fanfest on August 8 in Portland, OR! Get your tickets now!  
  
_**August 1, 2016**_

 

* * *

  
  
Before you all go off to the first destination of your little west-coast tour, Laura gets called in to do some test shots with that tall redhead. It’s all a little odd that those things are starting almost instantly after she has decided to give that producing company a call and told them she is thinking about saying yes to their offer. However then again, you just guess that there is an internal push, because Laura has a tight schedule and they thought they’d catch her before she goes off to promote other things, like the series you two are in.  
  
  
“Are you sure you want me to go with you?”, you ask her while admiring the muscles on her back as she is getting dressed.  
  
You’re in her bed reading an article on you two. (Those have gotten way more interesting, as magazines too are theorizing on your love story.)  
  
“Do you not want to?”, she looks back over her shoulder, “You can also stay here.”  
  
As comfortable you feel in her home, you like it much more when you’re around her.  
  
  
“No… I do want to go with you, it’s just… Am I allowed to?”  
  
Laura rolls her eyes and approaches you. You realized in the little time you spent with her that black suits her very well. (She never wears black as Sarah, and until some weeks ago you didn’t really spend so much time privately with her.) Your eyes roam over her all-black outfit, before you avert your gaze to her face.  
  
  
“Who’s gonna forbid you to accompany your girlfriend to a silly little test shoot?”  
  
“I don’t know.”, you mumble and she sits down on your lap with her warm body close to yours and her scent inebriating as it always has been.  
  
“Are you gonna behave around Danny?”, Laura asks with risen eyebrows and now it’s your turn to roll your eyes and cock an eyebrow at her.  
  
“Didn’t I the last time?”  
  
Laura thinks about it before shaking her head, “Well yes… The last time you misbehaved with _me_.”  
  
You open your mouth in protest, but she quickly muffles your response with a kiss.  
  
  
_The last time._ The last time you met her former girlfriend and co-star, you did something stupid. Though now thinking of it, the kiss wasn’t _that_ stupid. Your reaction and how you treated her afterwards was. And you still feel sorry for that.  
  
  
“I promise not to kiss you and then run away this time.”, you tell her after she pulls back and she smiles.  
  
“That would be a little weird now, considering everything.”

 

* * *

  
  
_**July, 2015: Last Day of Shooting Season 1**_  
  
  
Carmilla met this girl some days ago in a bar.  
  
She was cute enough. When she was drunk.  
  
Now that she was not, and her judgement was not clouded at all, and she understood that she was with an actress in her trailer, she suddenly got jumpy and curious.  
  
  
“What series is this again? I’ve never seen any of it…”, the girl with light brown hair said, while reading through some scripts that were scattered on the small coffee table.  
  
“Because it’s not out yet. We have just finished shooting season 1.”, the actor tried to lead that girl’s attention to anywhere but the - _very secret_ \- scripts.  
  
Carmilla was slowly regretting her decision to say yes to a small little set tour like that girl had wanted.  
  
  
“Who else is in it?”  
  
Carmilla groaned, “Why don’t you just sit back and relax a bit?”  
  
“No! I want to go explore the studio! Come on!”, the girl was up in a heartbeat and opened the door, stumbling a little, the dark haired actress was there to support her, so that she wouldn’t fall the few steps.  
  
A figure that had been standing outside the trailer jumped a bit.   
  
  
 “Thanks for- **OH!** Hi! Aren’t you Laura Hollis?”, the girl blurted out.  
  
Laura, whose eyes were wide, responded while shaking her head, “Uhm yeah. Hi. I- **Classy**... Uhm- Excuse me, I need to be _somewhere_. Nice meeting you.”  
  
Carmilla suddenly felt like she needed to explain herself. Laura most probably had read the situation wrong. _Why_ she needed to make it clear, she didn’t know… Okay, Carmilla absolutely knew, why it was important to her, but she still was keen on denying **it** in her head.  
  
Laura Hollis was _just_ a co-star. **Nothing** else. She was **not** in love with her. Ell was seeing things.  
  
Forgotten was the girl with the light brown hair and the pretty face. Carmilla only had eyes for one woman. She asked herself what Laura had wanted from her. Why she had been waiting in front of her trailer.  
  
  
“Laura!”, she ran after her co-star, “Hey… Stop for a sec!”, Carmilla reached out to grab Laura’s sleeve, but the blonde flinched away, stopping in her tracks.  
  
“Don’t touch me with _those hands_. **This** is Burberry.”, she said. Truthfully Carmilla never had heard Laura say something like that to her. Or at all.  
  
A few seconds of silence passed by, before the brunette arched an eyebrow carefully and found her speech again.  
  
“Right. Sorry. Uhm- Why were you…?”, she trailed off, hoping that the blonde would understand what she was referring to.  
  
Laura knit her eyebrows, “I just wanted to check in on you, and see how you were, but err… Seemed like you were in _good hands_ … Not intended to be a pun.”  
  
The dark haired woman shook her head, oh god Laura got it all wrong, just like she had thought.  
  
“This isn’t what-”  
  
She was cut off, “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone that you brought someone to set. It’s the last day anyway.”, Laura said and turned around to leave, “Good night, Carmilla. I will see you tomorrow at the party.”, she called over her shoulder.  
  
Carmilla watched Laura leave the set premises. And yeah, maybe it was no good denying that she was in love with her, because she so clearly was. And it so clearly was important to her that Laura thought good things about her. But now? Yeah, now she thought Carmilla was taking random girls to her trailer and used her new-found fame to sleep with fangirls.  
  
She had screwed up.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
You mostly keep yourself occupied while Laura is in the writer’s room talking about the test scenes she has to shoot with the giantess. For a producing company that is new to the business, they sure do have a lot of money to be renting out a space like this, you think to yourself.  
  
  
“This totally doesn’t make any sense at all!”, Laura comes bursting through the door after a little over ten minutes.  
  
“We thought you’d be happy about this development.”, a woman calls after her, following. You recognize her from one of your auditions.  
  
“Why? Sidney and Jamie never have talked about this or made any indication- If there had been any subtext in the main series, I would have considered… But this really doesn’t make any sense for me. I mean… I’m all for queer characters -obviously- **but** …”, Laura reads the scripts in her hand over and over again, and the redhead comes to a halt just right in front of you, also looking somewhat uncomfortable.  
  
  
“What’s going on?”, you ask lazily.  
  
All eyes set on you and you suddenly feel small.  
  
“They are making Sidney and Jamie canon for the movie. This is queer baiting.”, Laura shakes her head in a disapproving manner and approaches you.  
  
_Oh._  
   
“What?”, you snatch the scripts away from Laura who has found a seat beside you.  
  
  
“We want to give the fans what they want.”, someone from the back says and you quickly read over the scenes in your hand.  
  
“I’m not doing this. You would destroy the friendship they have. You are throwing away seven seasons of friendship, and make them grow these feelings for each other all of a sudden? I don’t like playing roles that will attract most people just because people want to watch two exes kissing on screen and acting like they are in love. Don’t think I don’t understand what you guys are doing. I want to stay real and authentic as an actress and that also translates to my characters. And **this** is not realistic at all.”  
  
“We hadn’t thought that you’d say no to a lesbian character.”, some guy tries to reason with her.  
  
“That’s the thing! This character never was supposed to be gay, when I started playing her! Most of the jokes she makes, or exchanges with her friends don’t make sense, if she really had been a closeted lesbian all this time…”, Laura regards you with eye-contact, “Carm’s been a big fan of the show… She can tell you that it absolutely doesn’t make any sense…”  
  
“Well… Yeah, she’s right. It’s a bit sudden.”, you agree slowly. Actually you wouldn’t have thought that Laura would want this situation less than you do.  
  
“Sidney ended up with Will in the finale. They were talking about their future… This really would be too sudden and not consistent of their characters. I mean, there has been no indication that any of them could be gay. We can’t act in something that doesn’t resonate with us. We know our characters the best.”, the redhead speaks and you crane your head to meet her gaze.  
  
  
“I’m sorry, but our head office wants to have it this way. The producers have the say in this one. That was the condition.”  
  
  
“Well then, I would like to talk to the head producing company. I’m not going to buckle down and do it, without the producers laying out to me how exactly they envisioned this.”  
  
  
“Well that’s easy.”, the guy from before speaks, and the woman who is standing beside him gives him a weird look, but he shrugs, “What? It’s not like she won’t find out eventually.”  
  
  
“Find out **what** exactly?”, Laura voices your question.  
  
  
“The head company we are talking about… **It’s your mother’s**.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope we'll live after today.  
> America, don't let the rest of us down.


	20. No More Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ohmigod that raging bitch of a mother!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: I'm not really happy with this chapter, but perfectionism cost me a lot.  
> Now that I've lowered your expectations, shall we go on then? Yes? Okay.  
> I present you the last chapter of Undeniable Chemistry. Here. Now.
> 
> X

Laura turns to look at you, and then back at the guy who just told her that her mother is behind it all.  
  
It all makes sense now for you.  
  
This is so perfectly _her_.  
  
  
“No.”, your girlfriend shakes her head, “No this **can’t** be true. If it were my mother’s company, she would definitely **not** make my character gay. This is so irrational and dumb. This doesn’t make any sense.”  
  
“Except it does.”, you say and she finally looks at you again. Her brows furrow and you explain, “She has tried to get us two to break up ever since she knows about us, right?”  
  
“But this doesn’t have anything to do with-”, Laura’s eyes find the ones of the giantess and everything seems to be clear to her too, “ **Ohmigod** that _raging bitch of a mother_!”  
  
You tug at her arms and drag her with you outside, “Uh- Okay, let’s get you to somewhere a little less earshot. We don’t want anyone to think that you’re unprofessional…”  
  
  
  
“Can you **fucking** believe that?”, she says once you both are out of the building, standing in the inner yard.  
  
Laura only ever uses swear words when she’s very upset. And there is _one_ other occasion where she uses them, but never in usual conversation.  
  
Apparently this really is upsetting to her.  
  
  
“I actually can believe it, **yes.** ”  
  
“I mean, what does she hope to accomplish? I just don’t understand her- This doesn’t make any sense at all. Why is she dragging Danny into this?”  
  
“Because Danny has better chances to come in-between us than some guy has? Because you know… She is a woman?”  
  
Laura looks up at that, “Carm, you don’t think that I would-”  
  
“No, that’s **not** what I meant. I’m just saying… Your mother not only disapproves of me because I’m a woman, but also because I’m not really someone for the long run in her eyes. Danny’s from a wealthy family, right? Her father is an actor? She is more famous, has worked abroad... She looks like a better fit to you for your mother. Plus I declined her _brilliant offer_. Of course she wants to get back at me. She threatened me with that. I just didn’t know what exactly it would be. I must say though that this is a weak comeback from her.”  
  
“God- Carm! Why didn’t you tell me? What did she say? What horrible things did she throw at you?”  
  
You shake your head and smile at her, “It doesn’t matter, because I won’t let something like that come between us.”  
  
She takes your hand in hers and secures it in a vice-like grip, “ **Good.** Because I’m gonna fight her for _this_. Once and for all. This has to stop. I can’t let her antagonize my relationship with you anymore. Both for your and my sake.”  
  
  
And your heart fills with joy for her wanting to stand up for you.

 

* * *

  
  
**_Earlier this year: Venice, LA_**  
  
  
“Hey Carmilla. Thanks for meeting me for lunch.”, Laura greeted her co-star with a hug that was reciprocated quickly. The dark haired actress removed her sunglasses, uncovering her dark orbs and Laura immediately felt drawn to them.  
  
_Damnit, Hollis! No pining this year! We agreed!_  
  
  
“Sure. I didn’t wanna drive to your agent’s office on my own anyway. I like having cute company.”, Carmilla flirted.  
  
Recently she had tried to send certain signals towards Laura, to see if she was interested at all, or if it really was a lost cause from the start.  
  
The blonde on the other hand brushed it off as her co-star playing with the power she had over people. Surely Carmilla was flirting mindlessly. Laura tried not to think too much of it. Especially since she had seen that tweet about her with some actress a few weeks back.  
  
  
  
After both of them had finished eating, they decided to take a walk down to the beach that was nearby. Of course some celebrity reporter recognized them and bombarded them with questions.  
  
  
_‘Were you two together on a date?’_ , _‘How long do you want to keep your fans at bay?’_ , _‘You should admit to your feelings already.’_  
  
  
At that sentence Carmilla finally spoke up, “If I wanted to _admit to my feelings_ , I’d definitely **not** do it in front of some sleazy reporter. Please stop bothering us.”, the brunette placed her arm protectively over Laura’s shoulders and walked in the opposite direction to where they initially were headed to.  
  
  
“Carmilla, was that necessary? You made him think that we’re together and were just trying to hide it.”  
  
“Does it matter what some stupid reporter thinks about us?”  
  
“When they are gonna publish stuff? **Yes?** I kinda don’t like people spreading lies about me **or** _us_.”  
  
“Is it really so bad that we both are assumed to be in a relationship?”  
  
  
Laura stared at her co-star blankly, “What?”  
  
“You act like it’s such a bad thing…”, Carmilla almost sounded hurt.  
  
“It kinda is... I’d like people to think more of me than just being one of your conquests.”  
  
  
It stung a little, but Carmilla figured she deserved that. The dark haired woman was gesturing towards Laura, who was typing away in her phone, “What are you doing there anyway?”  
  
“I’m trying to find an uber that will take us to J.P.’s office.”  
  
  
Carmilla watched the other woman closely. Laura had every right to think of her that way, but she was keen on changing the blonde’s image of her. Carmilla wanted to prove her wrong. Along the way she also wanted to prove herself wrong. She wasn’t a bad person. She could be good. She could be lovable.  
  
  
She would try to capture Laura Hollis’ heart slowly.  
  
Back then she wouldn’t have believed that she had the capacity to.

 

* * *

  
  
_Present Day:_  
  
  
Laura is currently shuffling through her closet in her apartment, on the quest for a dress that she hasn’t worn yet to a red carpet or any other public event. You’re glad you don’t own that many things. You mostly rent out gowns to wear to the given occasions and always have a emergency black one wherever you go for spontaneous galas and events.  
  
Like the one you are planning to go on the following day. It’s a fundraiser that Agnes Forrester herself is going to host. Ever since she is back from her mysterious leave for New Zealand, she has landed the top page of Silas Glam Magazine with her _philanthropic heart_.  
  
Your co-star has scoffed and huffed for about half an hour upon seeing that, until she started making plans on confronting her mother on her own event. You had to calm her down and really make sure she wanted to do this, but eventually you relented. Her plan was flawed though: **There was no plan**.  
  
Laura decided on marching in there unannounced and- Well, you’ll let her do whatever she wants. You don’t really have a say in this, because it’s _her_ mother. You’re proud of her that she’s sticking to her own person, not bending for anyone. Not that she hasn’t done that in the past, but there is something new in her expression. There is determination in her honey colored eyes. There’s purposefulness in the way she’s carrying herself.  
  
She may be tiny, but she’s fierce and loyal and you need to stop with your inner monologues about the hundred ways she is perfect, and why you love her, because if you don’t, one of those days you’ll spill **it** to her.  
  
You want to tell her, when you’re absolutely sure that it is safe for her to hear. Like some hidden secret for just her to know.  
  
  
  
“What are you thinking about?”, she catches you off guard.  
  
  
“I was imagining you naked.”, you blurt out quickly and internally you want to strangle yourself.  
  
Laura frowns before snorting, “Uhm... **Flattering.** But help me decide on a dress.”  
  
“Ah yes… The red one looked nice on you.”, you gesture to said thing and she ogles it, before stalking off to her closet.  
  
  
“I think, I’m gonna wear _this one_ tomorrow.”, she holds up a navy blue cocktail dress and you resign with a sigh and a defeated hand gesture.

 

* * *

  
  
You both don’t make it a show and don’t walk over the red carpet for this one. The both of you in fact enter through the back entrance of the hotel where the function is being held.  
  
When a tall man from security stops you both, Laura shows you her _other side_.  
  
  
“You can google my name. I’m a pretty big deal.”, she says monotonously.  
  
He really does what she says and apologizes shortly after checking her face and the pictures that show up under her given name.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me you were the daughter of the host?”  
  
  
“Because I don’t associate with her name.”  
  
And there’s **your Laura** again.  
  
  
  
  
  
“Do you see her? I cannot see her. Where is she?”, she asks you once you are in the huge hotel lobby.  
  
“Laur, wait. Just breathe for a sec and look at me.”, you take her hand in yours and try soothing her rapidly working brain, “Let’s first get some drinks or something. I mean, there is an open bar after all… We need to seize the opportunities here.”  
  
“Really?”, Laura gives you an unimpressed look, “Carm, you make six figures per episode of Afterlife and you’re all about the free booze?”  
  
“Less talking, more _game-planning_.”, you usher her to the nearest bar, trying to stay incognito.  
  
  
  
  
  
“Aren’t you Laura? Agnes Forrester’s daughter?”, some douche from the industry asks her. And you groan inwardly.  
  
“Yeah, her _very gay_ and _very taken_ daughter.”, Laura places your hand around her waist to indicate said things and gives him an encouraging look (encouraging to leave, it is).  
  
  
“He’s the third guy who seemed to be wanting to make a move on you tonight. Do people not read the tabloids?”, you ask her, because it’s annoying.  
  
“Is this you being jealous?”  
  
“Why do you want to see me jealous so badly?”  
  
“I don’t know…”, she comes dangerously near, and you two forget that there could be photographs of this later on, “It’s just _really hot_.”  
  
“You think jealousy is hot?”, you raise your eyebrows at her.  
  
“In the right amount…”, she nods along, dropping her voice lower and fixating you with that sinful look.  
  
You gulp, “Are you tipsy?”  
  
  
“ **A bit.** ”, she unclasps herself from you like she wasn’t about to seduce you just a few seconds ago, and groans, “And it’s not helping _anything_. Where is she?”  
  
  
You need a moment to collect yourself, “Will you tell me what you’ll do? Once you’ve found her, I mean?”  
  
“You’ll see.”  
  
She’s been vague and mysterious all the time. And so far you thought it was her not having any idea what she will do/how she will confront her mother, but something’s up and you would like to know what it is.  
  
  
  
  
  
You don’t know what exactly is happening, but the last time you saw your girlfriend was when she said she was spotting her mother and then she ran off, telling you not to follow her.  
  
And now you see her on the stage with said mother.  
  
  
“Good evening!”, Agnes seeks for the attention of her audience, before continuing, “This is the fourth time I am hosting this event. Every year we raise over $100.000 for a good cause… And it would never be possible without your generous help. This year around, my beautiful daughter and star of Aquarella, Laura Hollis has joined me surprisingly. Darling…”, she pats Laura on the back, “She wanted to say a few words, and who am I to decline her?”  
  
  
This is highly confusing. You go a few steps and stand right in front of the stage, giving Laura a encouraging thumbs-up for… **Whatever** she has planned. Because so far Agnes doesn’t seem to know that there is something coming her way. If there even is… You briefly wonder, if Laura has reconsidered, but then you shake that thought out of your head. You’ll see. She is a hero in your eyes either way, because she’s there standing next to the woman she probably hates most.  
  
  
“Yes, thank you very much mother. I seem to have misplaced my invitation… Or you know, _you didn’t think of sending me one_ … I don’t know.”, she laughs shortly after that and a few from the audience do too, thinking she is fooling around. You know her. This is her being passive aggressive. “I’m so happy that so many people are here today for this good cause. I mean… Isn’t it just wonderful? And what I wanted to say is- Actually it is a favor. Usually the money goes to an anonymous funding account, from where is gets transferred to whatever lovely cause _Miss Forrester_ deems worthy… This time though I took matters into my own hand and thought I should give this a personal note… You know… Because it is my first time attending this event, and my mother made me feel so welcomed right away…”  
  
Oh boy. You see her mother’s widening eyes. And Laura is gloating. Oh, she is loving this.  
  
“This time I’d like you to write your checks to the _‘HayWeather Foundation’_. What is this foundation, you ask? Oh... They make sure that teenagers that get cast out of their family environment, because they belong to the LGBT community have a warm shelter, get fed and have psychiatrists to talk to about their experience. It exists in about fourteen states in the US. It’s something very dear to me personally, as I too have received help from them in my teenage years. I think the youth of today should not have to fear those things anymore, but sadly there’s still a lot of _unaccepting people out there_ and I really wish you all will support this cause with open hearts, because as a member of the LGBT community, I can say that it’s needed… Thank you.”  
  
The crowd erupts in cheers and Laura hands over the microphone to her mother with her winning face and walks off the stage and into your arms.  
  
  
  
  
  
“How did I do?”, she asks you on your uber home and you just kiss the top of her head and let her snuggle in closer to your body.  
  
“It’s not what I expected, but it was a great move. I wonder how you got her to let you go to stage with her...”  
  
Laura shrugs, “My secret... This isn’t over yet. There is going to be an aftermath. She’ll want to talk to me about this privately. It was just a little bonus on the way... I’m going to tell her all about how you’re not going anywhere, just because she doesn’t approve. You’re not going anywhere… You hear that? You’re not allowed to.”  
  
“Oh really?”, you rasp and she nods eagerly.  
  
“I mean… The series we’re on got prolonged for two more seasons. It would be irresponsible and rude if you were to break up with me before the end of that. Our _undeniable chemistry_ would totally be gone.”, she mocks.  
  
“Ah? Someone’s very sure of things.”  
  
“Yeah. I mean, why do you think Nina left Vampire Diaries?”  
  
You just give her a nod, and squint your eyes at her, “Do you think I’m hotter than her as a vampire?”  
  
  
“You get 10/10 for playing Alice, Carm.”, she tells you and a small chuckle leaves your mouth.  
  
  
It really is ironic that Agnes did so much to keep you away from her daughter, but in the end it was for your benefit.

 

* * *

  
  
You wake up with Laura’s body on top of yours. Your favorite way to wake up actually, you discovered.  
  
Except it is a thousand degrees in her room (it’s August after all) and you both somehow forgot to turn on the air condition the night before. It feels like your skin is sticking to hers, and you really feel hot. And no, this time it’s **not** because she’s naked.  
  
  
“Laura…”, you whisper and she stirs a little. You wonder how she can be clinging like that to you, when it’s that warm.  
  
  
“Laura…”, you drive your hand over her side, where beads of sweat were clinging to her body.  
  
“That’s gross. I’m sorry.”, she grumbles and rolls off you to cover herself in a blanket. It would have been really gross, but you don’t care. It’s Laura.  
  
“I don’t mind.”  
  
Because you’re not supposed to be repulsed by bodily fluids of your partner.  
  
  
“How can you sleep like a burrito in this heat?”, you ask her as you turn on the AC with the remote you find on her night stand and turn towards her to pepper her neck with kisses.  
  
“The blanket’s cool. Come here.”, she lets you slip in too, and she’s right. Because you both hadn’t been lying underneath that blanket. It’s still cool.  
  
  
“But your body is hot.”, you say, as you drag your fingertips over her stomach and she turns her head and grins sleepily.  
  
“Thank you very much.”  
  
You roll your eyes lovingly at her and want to go back to sleep, when her doorbell rings repeatedly.  
  
  
“It’s a Saturday… Who’s bothering you on a Saturday?”, you complain and Laura covers her head with the blanket.  
  
“We’re not home. We’re not here. They’ll leave if we don’t-”  
  
She gets cut off by the fifth time the person rings the doorbell.  
  
  
“Where are you going?”, Laura wants to know, when you slip out of her bed and dress yourself in a robe.  
  
“Telling them off…”, you walk towards her apartment door, “Whoever it is has guts to disturb-”  
  
  
You don’t expect Laura’s fuming agent to be on the other side.  
  
  
“Ms. Karnstein-”, he looks surprised.  
  
“Why are you here?”  
  
“Why are _you_ here?”, he shoots back and you let him in.  
  
“At _my girlfriend’s apartment?_ Why is this a surprise to you?”, he studies you for a moment and you feel a little weird being looked at like that.  
  
You know pervy producers far too well, though you never have experienced something like this from Laura’s agent.  
  
  
“I have tried to reach Laura all morning!”, he finally says and drags his eyes away from yours.  
  
And that is an indicator that he in fact is not _a perverted someone_ , because you pretty much are wearing nothing and he doesn’t really seem to care about that.  
  
“Sorry, we haven’t really kept track of both of our phones. What is it?”, you reply weakly.  
  
  
“Jeep. What are you doing here?”, Laura suddenly is in the picture, dressed in her pajamas, looking somewhat presentable. You just left her butt naked in her bed. You wonder how she put on her clothes so fast, when seconds ago she was sleeping.  
  
“We need to talk about this!”, he shows you both an article on his phone.  
  
  
**Karnstein and Hollis fake relationship to gain views!**  
  
The picture that decorates said article is of you and none other than Helena Markova, an European actress that you have been involved with, and the time stamp says it was taken early in April. The article basically proves that you couldn’t have been in a relationship with Laura that early on, or if you were that you cheated on her or vice versa.  
  
  
“Well fuck. That does not seem to be good.”, Laura says.  
  
You don’t even have it in you to utter one single word.

 

* * *

  
  
“Can you both tell me what’s going on?”, Laura’s agent is waiting impatiently to hear your side of the story and so you both tell him.  
  
Beginning with how she lied to both him and Mattie about being in a relationship with you, and how you actually, truly are together now. Very confusing.  
  
  
“But why would you lie to us?”, he asks his very reasonable question.  
  
“I don’t know. I panicked. And thought it was not a big deal anyway…”, Laura trails off, “What do we do about this now?”  
  
  
“We have to give an official statement.”, J.P. sighs, “The fans are dying to know, and actually… You owe it to them after this confusion.”  
  
“My mother is behind this. Because of last night. I’m a 100% sure. That woman seems to have infinite ways to mess things up for me.”, Laura slowly states.  
  
“It doesn’t matter _who_ is behind what. We need to do something about this.”, J.P. responds to her.  
  
  
“Can you set up an online press release? We’ll tell the truth. In a video message. That’s gonna work right?”  
  
Laura meets your gaze, surprise evident in her expression and J.P. nods quickly.  
  
“I will set everything up. We will talk to Matska before we do though. She will lynch me, if we do anything without her consent.”

 

* * *

  
  
You’re in Laura’s bedroom, getting dressed, when Laura enters and sits on the edge of her bed. She already has changed, her hair falls in different directions and you have to smile just by the sheer look of her. Why are you so lucky?  
  
  
“You are cheerful. Despite things.”, Laura remarks and you just shake your head.  
  
“Come here.”, you hold out your hand and she steps in front of you.  
  
“Can you tell me what you’re gonna say? Because I’m kinda dreading it already.”, her voice sounds like it’s still dripped with sleep and slumber. Hoarse and adorable.  
  
“This is just a minor setback. And what I’m about to do is for our best. Lying never was my thing. You told me you liked that about me. That I’m brutally honest. And we’ve been keeping this up for long enough. I want to come forth on our terms -or sort of- and if everything’s out in the open, no one can harm us. No matter what your mother tries.”  
  
“Everything in the open. No more secrets. I like that… We’ll do this together.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Laura wraps her arms around you and you hold her close to you.  
  
Her mother tried to separate you two, tried to put wedges between you.  
  
And now you are here, being as close to her, as you’ve never been before.

 

* * *

  
  
“Hey guys.”, you clear your throat, “The internet was invented as the _world wide web_. We all are connected through it. And being connected also means there is space for a lot of following all over the world for artists such as myself. And my co-star Laura Hollis and I are so endlessly grateful for your support. I just wanted to get that out there, because you should not feel like I’m taking you all for granted.”, you take in a deep breath, “I bet a lot of you already have read a certain article, published by a certain media platform that I won’t name here, about my affiliations with a fellow colleague of mine. And these allegations also imply that I was in fact not involved with my other fellow actress Laura Hollis at that point.”, you hesitate, because you are an artist, and you live for the suspense, and also, because you are baring your soul now, “ **And that is true**. We **weren’t** dating back then, like we said we did.”  
  
Laura, who is sitting beside you takes your hand in hers and squeezes it, and you nod at her for her to take over.  
  
“Most of you probably will remember that kissing picture of us in late May… Actually this led to this chaos. My parental environment hasn’t always been a great one to grow up in. Most of my fans that know me from the start on, know that I grew up at my father’s house. This had many reasons. One of them was the fact that my mother wasn’t and still isn’t recipient of the fact that I’m into women. We’re not making this video to put blame on anyone. We’re actually making this video to show you how human we are. That we are actors, but also humans with feelings and emotions. So yeah, we also make mistakes. I kissed my co-star and from there on there was this big story that everyone wanted a big chunk of. And I used it initially to get back at my mother, which was a huge mistake. I should have just let it pass, but I couldn’t… And so Carm helped me out. She played the part of my girlfriend. Until…”, she looks at you and seemingly struggles to find the right words, so you take over.  
  
There are tears in her eyes, and you’d like to comfort her better than running your thumb over her knuckles, but you need to finish this. So you just do that.  
  
“Until _I fell in love with her_. Until I couldn’t just play a part anymore, which is funny, because I’m supposed to be a great actress.”, you chuckle nervously, “And I know that we probably are horrible role models, because we did that. Because we faked something as serious as _being in love_ , but I’m also endlessly glad that it brought me closer to Laura. Because I wasn’t lying when I said _I’ve been in love with her for a long time_. None of my feelings were a lie. Just the technicalities of it all.”  
  
Laura laughs beside you a watery laugh and simultaneously sniffs, her face already turning red.  
  
“But hey, if you want to blame anyone, please blame **me**.”, you say and match her gaze, “Because I hope no one can stay mad at this beautiful face. **I’m** the one who’s been a coward for so long.”  
  
  
“You’re sweet.”, she whispers for only you to hear, and you look at the guy who’d been recording that and nod, indicating that you’re coming to an end.  
  
“Thanks for watching this. We are sincerely sorry for the confusion that we caused. It was not our intention. We hope you can forgive us.”, you finally say and turn all your attention towards your girlfriend.  
  
  
You embrace Laura in a hug and tell her that you think she’s brave and that you’re proud of her because essentially she didn’t really attack her mother. It was a very adult and mature thing to do. What she said was the truth, and sometimes that can take up a lot of courage.  
  
  
  
“You just told the _world wide web_ that **you love me**.”, she says, after calming down, and you stiffen.  
  
It all came so naturally that it didn’t even cross your mind like that. You were just stating facts. So you **did** spill your biggest secret at last.  
  
“Carm?”, Laura unwinds herself from your arms, runs the back of her hand over her tear-stained face and fixates your eyes with hers, “Say something…”, she demands in a whisper.  
  
  
“What do you want me to say?”  
  
“Was that an act? Were you looking for sympathy points?”, she frowns and you inhale deeply.  
  
  
Fuck it. This day’s been weird enough as it is. What harm can a confession of love do now?  
  
  
  
“Everything I said was true. I’ve been in love with you for a long time. **I do love you.** This is me drawing the last veil, Laura.”  
  
  
  
And yeah, everything seems so crystal clear.  
  
She closes her eyes and then there is this smile on her face.  
  
And then Laura approaches your lips like she has a hundred times by now.  
  
  
  
Only this time when she kisses you, you can taste her **‘I love you too.’**.  
  
And you couldn’t be more happy or more content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoever made the connection of the flashback in this one to the very first chapter, is a winner!  
> (Just in case you don't have a memory like me: It happens on the same day as the Prologue.)
> 
> However, now I wanted to thank you again for all your kudos, your comments, tumblr stop-ins and whatever else!  
> Thank you so much for bearing with me and reading the things my head comes up with, when I'm sleep-deprived.
> 
> Many hugs and kisses (except you don't like them...)!  
> Can't believe it's over! :O

**Author's Note:**

> My (standoutinacrowd) tumblr is here, and I like receiving asks/pms: [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)  
> English is not my first, nor second language! Also special thanks to: peptobismolbird who did my proofreading!


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